[DarlaKat]

My mom hid the alcohol from me yesterday and the day before. She said it was because I keep drinking all her alcohol hahahaha...not really all that funny but it's better than to laugh then to cry. She snuck alcohol for me last night though...mostly because I found it. She caught me drinking a George Killian's Irish Red.

Kind of thinking about asking my mom to keep a close eye on me so I won't over-drink because usually once as I drink one glass a demon inside me comes out and keeps drinking until I'm trashed.

My drug dealers won't stop texting me. They keep offering pills and it kind of sucks because I wouldn't mind doing a line BUT I choose not to answer because I know I'll just get back into that vicious cycle. Eck my thoughts are so obnoxious. They're selling some good #$%@ too. I just need to keep reminding myself that I have people who love me and want me to succeed and getting blitzed or wasted (or both) all day and night will get me no where. One of my ex friends inspired me. He's 45 years old and bums off of KIDS because he screwed up his life with drugs. I DON'T WANT TO BECOME THAT!!!

[madisgram]

"one is too many and a thousand are not enough" we say in AA. we never can control how much we drink. it's a complusion. option-don't put that first drink to your lips.we never know where it will take us. i've been there, done that. willpower can't let us stop. instead we feel compelled to drink until we surrender to our disease and find a new way of living.

[DarlaKat]

how do you do it? I'm tired of this. My father denies I have a problem and my mother gets drunk with me. I need help and they refuse to help me!!!

[racee]

You just have to have enough, and yes it is that simple. Not saying the recovery road is simple, but choosing to quit because that's the only option you have is a simple one.
Your deepest despair as it smacks you in the face, what do you got to lose by stopping, whats the reason you use in the first place, oh yeah it feels good sure, but when it wears off your still in the same spot....doesn't that get tiring????

Out there on a limb all by your lonesome, questioning ...is this really the right thing??
No one else seems to care, so why don't i start caring for myself...why do i hate myself so much i want to put all these chemicls in it, do i really want to die, is this a cry for help! I just want someone to care.....i feel alone!

These are just a few thoughts and ramblings i still remember and i still can feel after all these years. This is how you do it....because when you write it all down and read the same thoughts over and over again your sick of who you are your sick of your thinking and you want better you want to be happy You want to care!
But this cycle will keep looping over and over again....i could find my way out...but what a scary road....something i have never done before...something where i'm actually going to FEEL! ....who wants to feel?? but ...yet....even though there are bad times i would be able to FEEL the good times...and i won't be numb if joy and happiness comes my way...maybe i could finally get out of this place and find people who want to be around me and care for me!

(No one will ever love me, no one care, i'm nothing i'm scum) my addiction tells me....if i give in back to my corner i go shame....humiliated....THIS is where i belong......<sigh>......i know theres a better way....what have i got to lose?? i have a whole lot to gain!

[Leed]

Do you know that alcohol will KILL YOU??? Do you want to DIE?? I'm not going to sugar coat anything. Alcoholism is a FATAL PROGRESSIVE DISEASE. It will kill you but you have a choice -- you can STOP drinking or you can keep on drinking and die. You have that choice. Most people with FATAL diseases don't have a choice but you do. If you were smart, you would go to AA. That way you don't have to do it ALONE. You haven't been able to do it alone yet. So what makes you think you can do it alone now? Go to meetings and do what they tell you to do. It's the ONLY way to get and stay SOBER. They saved my life. I would be DEAD right now if it hadn't been for AA.

Make the choice -- it's up to you. Decide one way or the other. But don't keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results. Once a drunk, always a drunk. Call AA before you DIE.
hUGS, Lee

[madisgram]

your parents aren't responsible for helping you out of this vicious cycle. i recall when i struggled staying sober but going to AA i had to grow up, for the first time i might add, and be responsible to self. no one can do it for you. no one can "fix" it but you. it's scary at first to stand up on your own two feet. why do that alone? why not go to AA and find how others have successfully done what you can't do? meet others like you trying to successfully stop doing their own self-destructive behavior. what is holding you back from making that decision? would you rather drink more than you want to be sober? it's about being honest with yourself. the decision is yours and yours alone. which path will you choose? life or death. those are your options and only those.
hemming and hawing will keep you where you are now. nowhere.