Alcoholic sibling, please help.

My sister is an alcoholic and I can't really talk to anyone about this because everyone in my family is an alcoholic and won't understand, and I can't talk to my friends or anyone else outside because I'm afraid she will loose her daughter. I love my sister very much and I've always been real close to her, but her drinking has really become a problem and I'm not only worried about her, but my neice as well. I know how much my sister loves her daughter and it would just kill her if anything happend to her or if she was taken away, so I can't just stand by and watch her ruin both their lives. I just don't know what to do. I have confronted my sister about her drinking several times but apparently I'm not effective enough. I should also mention that she doesn't really see it as much of a problem when it clearly is. What can I do? Is there some special way I can confront her or talk to her? She told me once that she was going to join AA but ended up not because she's afraid that if her boyfriend ever takes her to court for custody that they'll use that against her.

Check out this article http://www.thesite.org/drinkanddrugs...ngwithadrinker

I can understand how difficult it is to controls someone that is a alcoholic

First of all AA is anonymous. If she did go and stopped drinking then she would be in a lot less danger of losing her daughter. You could go with her. If she doesn't she may injure her daughter by possibly driving drunk.

The other thing that she is totally not taking into consideration is that her daugther is watching her behavior and it is affecting her daughter and well, is that really fair to her daughter?

As a child of a binge Alcoholic I can tell you I still suffer and did all the time growing up, ask her, does she want that for her daughter? Children are not drones you know they do know something is wrong and they do not feel safe when they see the actions and moods of the alcoholic.

I wish you could print this and show it to her. Her disease WILL take everything away from her. She can get better by AA and they are very supportive. It is not a crime to go to AA, it is a crime to drink with a child. You could offer to take her to a meeting and if you really had to for some reason say she was supporting you.

Although I don't like lieing, but they do lie extremely well and hurt anyone that gets in front of their problem.

Open Eyes

Sweetie, there is NOTHING you can do. Only SHE can decide if she wants to quit. You can't help her. She has to hit bottom or lose enough in her life before she finally "sees the light." Some people NEVER hit bottom or decide to quit -- and their's is a sad ending. But there is nothing you can do about it. If you force her somehow into rehab, she won't get what she needs out of it. She will just schmooze her way thru it just to get out of rehab, so she can go back to drinking. Alcoholics are cunning people. But the disease is cunning, baffling and powerful!!!

People have tried things like interventions, but these should be done with TRAINED professionals -- you should never try this alone. More damage can be done to the family AND the alcoholic.

You should go to Al-Anon, so you can learn to live with an alcoholic. They teach you how not to enable the drunk, and how not to lose your whole life to the disease. You can't keep obsessing about this or you'll ruin your own life. Let go and Let God. Sometimes we have to trust that whatever the end result, it was supposed to be this way. We just have to have faith. I wish you the best of luck. God bless. Hugs, Lee

i'm in agreement with lee. she might not get better but YOU can by going to al-anon. alcoholics in denial cannot be forced to look at their conduct even when a child is involved. i'm so sorry you have this concern, and it is a real concern, but it's in her hands. i just hope she hits a bottom whereby no one is killed, etc.it's a sad situ to watch a loved one self destruct.

There’s a chapter in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous called “To Wives*” (Chapter 8). They put an asterix next to it because the book was written in 1939 and assumes the alcoholic is likely to be the husband. If you take the word “he” and “husband” and replace with “she” and “sister” it might read better. It’s not perfectly written for your situation but it speaks to 4 different types of alcoholics and how best it might be to approach each type. Take what you like and leave the rest. You can find Chapter 8 at

aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

One note from my experience; Get them when they’re down. Alcoholics/Addicts are most approachable and open to help when something bad has happened. “Have you had enough” is a powerful statement after a terrible event. Or “how has it been working your way”. After one of these events see if she’s open to getting help.

You have to be prepared for this day. You don’t want to be tracking down in-patient or out-patient facilities in the middle of a crisis. If your sister doesn’t have insurance then track down the local re-habilitation centers in your area that accepts persons without it. Unfortunately if she is an alcoholic this day will come.

If she says yes to help then take her as soon as possible to a trained professional or facility. It’s very possible she could change her mind after a short period of time so get her in.

If she says no, then you might have to wait for the next event and approach her same way again. This is just one piece of advice; seek professional help and Al-Anon. If you know people in recovery ask their advice. Take care of yourself, don’t enable, and don’t stop asking for help.

Do yourself a favor and go to Al-Anon and at least get some of their literature to read. I've been enormously helped by Al-Anon. Reading the literature does not make going to meetings unnecessary, but it can be real eye-opening.

Your concern for your niece is commendable. The situation warrants concern. It is very frustrating that you have really no control. And you don't! That is the first thing Al-Anon will try to teach you. Continue to love your sister. Continue to love your niece. At some time in the future, you may become even more important to your niece than you are now.

I highly recommend going to a meeting. Try to identify someone there who is seasoned and mature in "working the program." Ask that person to be your temporary sponsor. Ideally, go to some different meetings and identify several persons who impress you as calm and mature and maintaining some "serenity." Get some phone numbers, and talk over your perception of this problem with some experienced members. Don't let shyness hold you back. I am very shy, socially. Desperation, however, is a great motivator. When you really love and really care, you do become desperate. Let it lead you to improving your "perception," which probably needs to change in ways you can't now understand or anticipate.