[beauflow]

Hi;

I know in one of my posts or replies I mentioned My Home is a clean place, it is indeed due to I have no drugs there; I however do have my devices still (my pipes and bong for example), They are packed up, to be honest I am not sure where they are at this time, some where in a box. I am not sure why I have not gotten rid of them; Part of me is like you paid a lot for some of them, you cant just smash them on the ground and clean up the mess.... I guess another part is letting them go (I know that sounds silly I bet)...

My Brother knows that I have my stuff still.... Even though he has told me that "I have stopped using" he asked the other day for my bong...
At first I was going to tell him I broke it, cause I want him to get therapy like me, and he does not need to get high right now. He does not have the money too- I dont even know how he gets pot these days anyways

But I did not lie to him- I texted him back with "Why ya need a bong for?"--- Needless to say he has not texted me back....
Think I may have upset him with that.

He told me he had cleaned up- I knew this was not true due to last month I helped with him obtain a detox kit- I know I wanted to believe him when he said it was just on the 4th of July.. but sadly i realize some where in my heart, it was not just a one time occasion

I get mad at him, for he and I have known friends that say "Im cleaning up I wont touch it again" then to find out they are backon the rock the next day, and we both agree- why lie to me, but yet he does his lying to me about the pot use and god knows what else.

He goes back and forth of "I need help" and "Weed helps me"
I gave him some information I found that I am going to use for myself for Therapy. He would be a great candiate due to it is a charity organization and they do try to help people try to find jobs and stuff (OH yeah I texted this info to him cause he said "sure text it to me" when I asked if he would like some info too, so it is not like I am going you should too- it is more like bro- i am coming to the conclusion I need help, you have said in the past you need help, here is some information to help us along).

He drinks too constantly which I hate- I barely let him come over due to the few times he has came over he is so drunk he is swaying around when he stands.

I love my brother don't get me wrong- I just hate being told "I dont do drugs any more" but yet it is obvious he does.
Ya know when I was asked about drug abuse when I was in it heavy I was atleast honest- I would feel a pit in my stomach of shame but I told people yes I use when I did, only if they asked though. I never went around telling people I am cleaned up and still used.

I know he like my father feels as if I was worse with my drug abuse than others in the family and there have been times that has been thrown in my face and not to say "what his decision" is when it would be a suggestion.

Its easy for some people to see things in others they love, but not within themselves; even if it is the same thing.

I guess I am just venting. I am sorry but it aggravates me to no end on this!

I know addiction is very hard, i know it is. I went through and still go through with cravings for things but I stay strong.
I just do not see why a person needs to be less dignified and lie about abuse. I guess I dont understand due to I did not do that, if some one asked- i really did not give a **** and told them the truth- It's my life attitude. Or at least to my recollection i did not lie about my abuse.

I know my brother loves me, perhaps that is why he lies to me. its just really crappy.

[Set Me Free]

Congratulations on being clean and caring so much about your brother. I am an alcoholic and will get addicted to anything that gives me a buzz and takes me to some other place in my mind. I am not in AA NA CA or any other A. I take medicine to keep me from drinking. I don't care at this point how it gets done as long as I'm out of my misery long enough to appreciate sobriety. That said, I really encourage you to find your paraphenalia (get someone to help you possibly) and destroy it. Doesn't matter if it cost a million dollars. Please do it. Then you don' have to lie or even think about it. Your being clean is worth much more than a million dollars.

[madisgram]

beau, re your brother...denial is not a river in egypt. hope that explains that. loads of ppl fall in this catagory. it is VERY powerful. but loads of ppl are like U and me. we never threw up that wall of lies thank goodness.

re your keeping your parafinalia-it's usually a sign we're keeping it for perhaps another day. meaning just in case we might want to use again. if it were me i'd throw them away. it's a sign of relapse and i sincerely believe you want to stay clean. toss'em.

[beauflow]

thank you both, you both have a point on keeping it around... Can't I make my bong into a vase lol seal up the hole for good and put pretty flowers in it Lol... I hate wasting things but yet giving them away is like aiding the few old buds I know that still smoke... Maybe I can get the glass melted and get something made that would be cool
Yeah my brother I think gets in denial when he is manic, sigh.... I wish he would remember the few serious talks we had about stuff. He probably doesn't want to cuz we both cried and they would tear down his world of delusion in a way... Idk what to do with him, he's older than I too.... So that has to be hard on him bein told by the baby what may help. Blah, get over yourself

My bf may help me get rid of my stuff, he loves me but never cared about them. He doesn't like pot but was like whatever with keeping them.

I like the melting idea though lol
Not a total loss then right lol

[madisgram]

re your family-"I know he like my father feels as if I was worse with my drug abuse than others in the family and there have been times that has been thrown in my face"

sounds like you've become the family scapegoat, beau. your brother is like the "pink elephant" in the room. your father doesn't want to acknowledge your brother's serious illness re drugs. you don't have to become the family doormat. you can say, well i did something to fix it. her hasn't. his health and life are in danger as mine was once. we shouldn't minimize his problem. everyone addicted has gotten to the same place. no one is worse or "better."

i know it must be painful to watch your brother's drug/alcohol abuse. what i think you already know is that only he can make the choice to stop. keep the focus on yourself to stay well. if he's using or drinking with you around you can tell him you'd love to be around him when he wants to get help or is not using. that you choose not to be talking to the drug/alcohol (in him) instead of him. it will be difficult to do but he needs to know your position. it will help him know you mean business cause you love him.
hope this helps you.

[Willcat]

Lying is just another symptom of active addiction for some. I cant fix them, but what I can do Is limit my involvement with them. I done this with family members too. I do act compassionate towards those that are suffering from addiction. I will not help them get high or out of troubles caused by their lifestyle.

Do dump the pipes and bongs. For me having a new heather life involved getting rid of the old unhealthy stuff.

[beauflow]

Yeah my family was good at creating a person for an scapegoat then rather deal with full blown issues. eh- chaos then arises- I cant deal with it any more, havent been able to for about 5 years now or has it been 6 already?- I only talk to about a 1/3 of my family these days- and even then it is barely contacting each other.

It is very difficult to ask him to be sober when talking. the last thing I want is him to get mad at me for "saying something" but not really saying it.....

Yes WildCat- I came to the conclusion about 2 years ago that I would not be able to "Fix" my brother- he would have to help himself on that, as with me, I could only help me on this issue and "fix" it.

I will try harder to be firm with requesting he not come around drunk or high

- I hope he comes around one day.... I love him, he is smart, I see so much potential in him, I really do. It does crush me in ways, I see things in him that are in me (The good things) and to see him continue to be stuck in the hole rather than dig his way up&out- it sometimes is heart breaking, but I can do very little- these last 2 years I have really thought on that with my situation with him.. I can't hold the guilt of things for the both of us in away, I guess I am trying to say, and I cant tell him/make him get clean, all i can do is talk and not aid him in addiction. Which I will not do. I don't drink with him any more haven't for a while now, I am too paranoid these days for that, and a far as smoking well I don't do that either with him due to I get even more paranoid with pot around him.... The only thing recent here is I helped him with getting Detox to pass a pee test, which next time (which these coming months will be the truth): I cant help him out....
I wont tell him what I really feel which is if he can obtain pot- he can obtain the detox on his own. I wont say that due to that is sort of confrontational ya know? the last thing i want is him to be mad mad at me, he can be tiffed at me for a bit that is fine.... but not mad mad I hope.

I don't want to lose my brother- basically everyone in my family has their "sides" so to speak and I am like the only one that is on this brother of mine "side" he has issues and needs to get help, and I want to be able to help him have the strength to get help, that's why I do share with him my pride issues with therapy and fears of it, due to I know he relates to that, and I want him to know deep down that he isn't a lone on that. Also a while back, I shared the whole drug thing with him and in detailed explained that it only created chaos.... I think deep down he knows this.

Thank you all for your support and input :-) it is much appreciated

I think he got the idea with the bong- he still has not texted back about anything...but IDK- he is smart like I said- he is stubborn and partially in denial with things at time... I wish an epiphany would come to him as they have with me... not religious but is like "I see the light now" :-)

[madisgram]

beau i understand your feelings of conflict re your brother. i know it must cause you so much concern. i think you are doing many things to detach rather than being codependent. a thought-your living by example may have a positive motivating effect. he sees you staying clean which one day might help him want the same as you have-clean and sober. sometimes all we can do is live by example. most importantly take good care of you.

[Willcat]

Originally Posted by beauflow

Yes WildCat- I came to the conclusion about 2 years ago that I would not be able to "Fix" my brother- he would have to help himself on that, as with me, I could only help me on this issue and "fix" it.

Good going. It took me some time to learn that I had to "Fix" myself to see what kind of help I could offer other family members.

[beauflow]

wildcat I know what u mean but Omg its hard to help others least for me, I wish us both well on the journey of it

,madisgram I can only hope by living an example may help him before its too late, I can't bear to do any more jail visits and being the only one to visit him... He has two close friends to whom I believe are great examples on moving on but he doesn't take it in that light.

Other related I read what Thebyzantine posted to day about what we own, it has given me some insight to my problem here. I don't own the shame any more, and I can't own his about whatever.
I will continue to love him but need to release the pain on it......

[Willcat]

Originally Posted by beauflow

wildcat I know what u mean but Omg its hard to help others least for me, I wish us both well on the journey of it

I know watching a family member of mine take their life down the road of drug addiction is the most helpless feeling ever. Being an example of recovery and managing your life clean is the way to go.

I do use every opportunity to comment when something in my life goes well. that without being clean/sober that wouldn't have happened.