[splitimage]

I found out today, reading the papers, that a woman from my AA home group committed suicide on Tuesday. F****. I am so sad and angry.

She was only 32, and had about 4 months clean and sober.

She was really opinionated and had a funny habit of changing pronouns whenever she read from the Big Book or the 12 & 12. She changed all the male pronouns to female pronouns.

She'd had a horrible life - she ran away from home at 12 and worked as a teen prostitute. But she'd really turned it around. She'd gotten off the streets - gone back to school for upgrading through a program for people with addiction and mental health issues, and was now in law school. She was supposed to start third year next month. She was a well known activist for sex trade workers' rights.

I really hate this disease.

splitimage

[Yoda]

I am so very sorry. Suicide seldom makes sense.

[gma45]

I am so sorry to hear this. I am with you on hating the disease! I just started going back to meetings and I would be upset if any one of my new friends were not there one day. I learn so much from everyone, just like this site it is been a real life saver for me!

[Leed]

I am so very sorry. Unfortunately, in the 18 years I've been at the tables, I've seen this happen quite a bit. This disease never sleeps -- it is ready to attack at our most vulnerable times.

Please take care of yourself. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[DePressMe]

splitimage, I am sorry for your loss. I agree suicide rarely makes sense. I've been suicidal a lot but now those thoughts don't come as often and don't last as long. Again, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you can see your way through this tragedy.

[lynn P.]

I'm very sorry to hear this (((splitimage))). Its always a shock to hear this. Hugs to all her friends, group pals and loved ones.

[madisgram]

i can totally relate to how you feel. regretably it keeps it green for us. it reminds us that this fate awaits us too if we don't stay sober. "i have buried" many, many a good friend due to alcohol or drugs in my 21 yrs. sober. it is sobering to say the least. it made me angry too when my bgf in my entire life deliberately took her life. i had been overjoyed when she started coming to AA. my anger was overwhelming cause she didn't call me when she felt so full of despair. i was incredibly sad too. your friend must have seen no way out too tho she was trying to get better. hopeless and helpless. but remember, "many of us do recover if we have the capacity to be honest" with ourselves and others. addiction to alcohol or drugs promises us jails, institutions and even death.
those of us successfully staying clean and sober are the fortunate few.

[wing]

What a total waste of a person who is a stellar example of how you can survive and thrive after the worst forms of abuse. I'm so sorry splitimage. I wish peace to you, and all those affected by her unnecessary death.

[mgran]

I'm ever so sorry, suicide is always a tragedy. Be kind to yourself, it's a horrible horrible thing to have to go through. Who do you have to talk to?

[splitimage]

Thanks everybody. I'm lucky. I have a pretty good support network. I've been talking to other people from my homegroup and my sponsor, and I talked about it today in my treatment group at the hospital.

I also have lots of friends outside the program that I can talk to.

Just makes me more determined to stay sober, because I know I could so easily be her.

splitimage

[We_do_recover]

it's always such a tragedy when someone succumbs when they are right at the door to a new life

such sad news

[DePressMe]

I've been thinking about this post. The lady had 4 months sober and yet killed herself. Its a reminder of how difficult the first year of sobriety is...I've been sober 5 years and 8 months but if I ever drink again I'll die a drunk because I will never do that first year again. That first year is so, so hard. It's like your world gets turned upside down and your best friend gets taken away. I think there is a biologic withdrawal for the first year. All the neurons in your brain have to heal and find new ways to cope with life.

What Is A Dry Drunk?

http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/what-is-a-dry-drunk/

[candycook1984]

not good

[wackywidow]

Sorry for your pain. It really hurts because it is beyond our understanding. However, remember suicide is an act of depression. She is in a much better place ... even if we are not.

Love your quote from your favorite hymn!! What is the title of it. I know it could become a favorite of mine as well. I am a poet/writer.

[splitimage]

wackywidow - I know she had had a really brutal life and had struggled with depression for years.

The quote in my signature is from the hymn, "Lord of the Dance" The author of the words is Carter. The tune is an old tune known as Simple Gifts.

splitimage

[wackywidow]

Now it is my turn for sorrow. The husband of a friend of mine took his life last Thur. She was in her first trimester with their 4th child and lost the baby as well. We do not know which came first. The details do not matter anymore. The fact remains she is now left to raise 3 boys under the age of 6 ... a challenge in itself.

Suicide is a difficult situation to understand. I doubt that we, as humans, ever will. It seems so senseless and a waste of a human life, but there is always another side of the "denari" (coin). While I am somewhat in shock, I understand how it was allowed to happen.

This man (31yrs old) was a vet. He did have a slight brain injury which made it difficult for him to remember his meds. This couple applied for help and were denied time and time again, "He is not bad enough for these services." The man was desperate. I face the same thing in my life, so I know how frustrating it can be. Denial/cutbacks in services is the same thing as witholding food and water from an individual. I call this "governmental euthanasia."

He was dedicated to helping others but could not help himself. He was involved in our NAMI affiliate, and a trained teacher for their Peer-to-Peer Program. His heart was in the right place but his mind was unsettled.

I ask that you pray for all who have been affected by his death and their baby's death. Somehow in time we will all find peace.

I guess he went down under and did not have the strength to come up for air.

Hello, wackywidow. I shall.