[2muchnothing]

Not exactly sure if this is the best place to post this but well here it goes, I have been with my current boyfriend for about 8 months. We were best friends through a former relationship I was in for 6 years, he’s a great guy , was always there for me when my ex and I had a lot of issues .I’ve never felt this way about anyone or been this happy, my only regret is I didn’t see him as more than a friend before now. As stated before we’ve been close for many years this includes my freshmen and sophomore years of college which we partied together a lot like most kids our age. We’ve both graduated college and in our careers of choice and doing well in life; sounds too perfect right; there is unfortunately like with most things in life a catch. He’s still using cocaine even though the partying has now subsided, I didn’t think much of it when admitted he still did it occasionally (not that I approve of it at all!) But I figured here and there couldn’t hurt anything. Until recently I have noticed he has been doing it more and that he has got behind in some of his credit card bills, he keeps reassuring me he’s not addicted and that he’s actually cut back to half of what he was doing. I feel like he may be lying to me or at least in self denial. Back in our college days we would snort it ( yes I was a user at one time, never actually purchased it, really was just a once in a while thing for me, I guess that’s why I based his use on mine, I never craved it or even came close to being addicted) he has been shooting up for the past few months I can barely stand to be around him while he does this to himself, I love him SO much and I feel like this may lead to something really detrimental if it doesn’t stop. I’m disgusted with the thought of seeing him use it, it’s almost like watching someone cutting. He stays in the bathroom for hours at the time trying to catch his high, this usually occurs about ever month or 2 but recently he’s did it twice this week, I’m almost certain he probably does it more often than he lets me on to know. I’m the only one that knows of him doing this to himself…I don’t know what to do, should I tell someone? I’ve talk to him he keeps saying it’s his last time…isn’t that what they all say?! This is way too much to handle on my own. I’m happy he at least trust me enough to let me in but my god last time I checked I don’t have an S on my chest. I’m not sure if I should run from this or stay and try to help him. I’m on the verge of tears writing this I can’t stand the thought of something bad happening to him

[Willcat]

Unfortunately I had to learn the hard way that I can not make anyone change their behavior, not even help them to change. From what I know change happens from within a person.

I can set boundaries and stick to them. That is have a 'bottom line'. Like; if the drug use dose not stop now, I will leave. Anything more of that would be out of my control.

[Leed]

Hi ~ I have to agree with Willcat -- you need to set boundaries. There is not a THING you can do about his drug usage. The only person who can influence him to stop is HIMSELF. He has to decide that he's had enough. He has to "hit bottom" -- lose enough things so that he'll realize what he's doing to himself. The way it stands right now, he hasn't lost anything. He's still doing well -- so why stop?

If you really care for him, set some boundaries. Tell him that you will NOT put up with his using drugs when he's with you -- and you will NOT see him when he's under the influence. Of course, you must be prepared for him to say "fine, goodbye." He may choose the drug over you.

If you stay with him and put up with his usage, this will only get worse, and he'll continue to use more and more, chasing that "high" he's looking for. Unfortunately, he's never going to find it -- he's looking for the FIRST high he got that was so great -- that's long gone, and doesn't exist anymore.

So you have some difficult decisions to make. I wish you the very best. Take care & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[madisgram]

When a loved one has a drug problem

If you suspect that a friend or family member has a drug problem, here are a few things you can do:

• Speak up. Talk to the person about your concerns, and offer your help and support, without being judgmental. The earlier addiction is treated, the better. Don’t wait for your loved one to hit bottom! Be prepared for excuses and denial by listing specific examples of your loved one’s behavior that has you worried.
• Take care of yourself. Don’t get so caught up in someone else’s drug problem that you neglect your own needs. Make sure you have people you can talk to and lean on for support. And stay safe. Don’t put yourself in dangerous situations.
• Avoid self-blame. You can support a person with a substance abuse problem and encourage treatment, but you can’t force an addict to change. You can’t control your loved one’s decisions. Let the person accept responsibility for his or her actions, an essential step along the way to recovery for drug addiction.

But Don’t

• Attempt to punish, threaten, bribe, or preach.
• Try to be a martyr. Avoid emotional appeals that may only increase feelings of guilt and the compulsion to use drugs.
• Cover up or make excuses for the drug abuser, or shield them from the negative consequences of their behavior.
• Take over their responsibilities, leaving them with no sense of importance or dignity.
• Hide or throw out drugs.
• Argue with the person when they are high.
• Take drugs with the drug abuser.
• Feel guilty or responsible for another's behavior.

Adapted from: National Clearinghouse for Alcohol & Drug Information
http://helpguide.org/mental/drug_sub...ment.htm#loved

i'd like to add one thing, al-anon can be a support system for you if you are willing to go for yourself. your bf in the long run will need to seek outside help if he acknowledges to himself that he has a problem. i know it's painful to watch when we love someone but they are ultimately the only solution to their problem with drugs.
please know we are here for you too.