[hazeleyes]

Here I am, with a glass of wine trying to self.medicate.... Careful not to get drunk like parents do...... I need to MAKE it, for my kids and hubby. Be the STRONG and GOOD woman I am..... I hate this life sometimes.... blah!

I´m cheering for you!

(((((((hazeleyes))))))

[shadowalker164]

Hazeleyes…

I don’t know if you realize this or not, but most people who drink (that being non alcoholic people) they don’t feel that they are self medicating themselves.

I don’t suppose they think to them selves “be careful pal, don’t get drunk again this time” They just don’t fixate on trying to control this thing. For them, it is not out of control.

They don’t wake up and think to themselves, when can I have my first drink of the day? About the time we start to try to control our drinking, it has already slipped out of our control.

Just out of curiosity, what does “I need to make it” mean to you?

Does it mean learning to control and enjoy your drinking? That one may be a long shot. Or does it mean to be free of the guilt and shame of the morning after. To be free of the obsession of that first self medicating drink?

Just between you and me, I hated my life, I hated me, I hated everybody and everything at the end of my drinking career. That is what alcohol does to us. It twists and distorts our perceptions until we don’t know good from bad or right from wrong.

Just a suggestion, but start thinking about “making it” for you alone. Not for your kids, not for your husband. If you indeed do make it, they will reap all the benefits along with yourself.

But the question looms large, how do I “make it?” This business of alcohol and our struggle to control it is a tough one.

That is at the heart of sites like this, how do we live happily without that old sweet blindness, of an alcoholic buzz?

That might be an excellent question for someone who finds themselves in a position like you find yourself in.

On the road to the good stuff,
Richard

[hazeleyes]

Hey Richard, thank you for your reply..... What did I mean with "I need to make it"?.... I meant that I need to find my own truth, my own happiness and peace. Or I will be at big risk of dying unhappily, sooner or later. I won't get into the drunk or no drunk discussion here, it is not of importance to me right now. It's not what I am....it's what I want to be that I am trying to focus at. I know I shouldn't drink, I know I might have problems.....I know about the disease and yet, I need to find my own way. I'm trying to be as honest as I can, not jump to any conclusions, going to therapy being honest as can be...... Anyways, glad you're here! Sober!
One day at a time eh?