I obviously have some serious issues....my self respect is real low

something makes me give up sometimes

I think bad things...
I feel aweful
I dream nasty stuff
I feel twitches in my limbs
not to mention the weird feeling in my heart!
I shudder at sounds
I expect everyone hates me
I can't even look at myself
I panic
I hold on tight to something simple
my flashbacks are absurd and painful

I know this is happening for a reason

something has upset me I guess...

but I am sure glad this bender is just about over..!

I physically cannot take out my worries on me with alcohol
for much longer

I tried to make myself feel better from something upsetting

I reckon I have achieved my goal...

but the cost!

on me..?

thank God....life is forgiving

[madisgram]

i'm encouraged by your honesty and self awareness, dubblemonkey. there is hope. grab it and hold on to it. i can identify with your thoughts of when i first admitted i had a problem. it was a scary revelation for me. but through hope i started my journey to a new way of living. the joys i feel now are incredible. i'm glad i reached out for help in spite of my fears of not being successful with my efforts to get clean and sober.

[cellosrock]

I have learned that our self disrespect and disappointment is often our biggest hurdle. Any actual problem we may be facing is usually so minute compared to tackling self acceptance. In the past when I was dealing with my particular vice, I made everything so much worse by my reaction to myself. I finally learned that if I didn't make a mistake, I had to accept that. I had to not let that make me feel even worse. I had to accept I was not perfect. It wasn't until I began doing this that I truly started to "recover". It wasn't like one day I suddenly loved myself, but I just started to slowly accept myself.