[DespondentDaisy]

I just realized this. I grew up enthralled in books and literature. While that was good for me intellectually, it was a form of escape. I was the quiet kid, had a bunch of friends, but had to be pried out of my shell- I often watched up to 5 hours or more of tv after school (and am now quite the movie buff as well), rarely hung out with friends, sometimes birthday parties. I had a very close friend in highschool that I hung out with a lot, but basically stuck by myself. Then in college I experimented with alcohol and got hooked on marijuana and the occasional coke fix. Now that I'm clean and sober I caught myself planning on ordering some stuff from those 'legal highs' websites. It's like my whole life I've been trying to escape from reality, and now that I'm grounded I don't quite know what to do with myself.
Even before college and the drugs, I would just say what sounded nice whenever asked what I wanted to do in the the future. I never really had a plan- but I always kept up the facade that I did. Too many interests, not enough confidence to try all them. So now here I am struggling to pursue a career in editing after I already took a class to be a caregiver and realized it wasn't for me. So I really need to stay focused in reality and stop trying to escape it because it hasn't gotten me anywhere in the past ten years! .

ps. I'm printing this for my pdoc I'm about to go see- I got some names of a couple therapists to possibly start see but have yet to call one of them to try and set up an appt- I feel like I've failed her.

[madisgram]

Escapism is mentaldiversion by means of entertainment or recreation, as an "escape" from the perceivedunpleasant or banal aspects of daily life. It can also be used as a term to define the actionspeople take to help relieve persisting feelings of depression or general sadness.

hope this may help re your drug use.

also you may have low esteem cause you said

Too many interests, not enough confidence to try all them.

glad u're going to discuss this with your T. the fact that you are aware of escaping and want to change will be a journey well taken.