[Brontoset]

Hey all,

So I know that in recovery you shouldn't start serious relationships (because you might relapse should something go wrong...)

But is consensual sex strictly forbidden?

Celibacy and loneliness were what BROUGHT me to DRINK, so its a bit weird for me....

Thanks,

Brontoset

[Leed]

It's been said that you shouldn't mess around with people in AA for at LEAST a year after getting sober. It can mess you BOTH up big time. One or the other of you can get attached to the other, and if it doesn't work out, can throw you into a relapse, just as you said. Even if it's consensual, emotions can get involved and trouble starts. So it's best to just leave things alone.

[Brontoset]

Originally Posted by Leed

It's been said that you shouldn't mess around with people in AA for at LEAST a year after getting sober. It can mess you BOTH up big time. One or the other of you can get attached to the other, and if it doesn't work out, can throw you into a relapse, just as you said. Even if it's consensual, emotions can get involved and trouble starts. So it's best to just leave things alone.

Thanks, but I'm not talking about anything involving ANOTHER AA member....

[Leed]

Well, it can still be dangerous. If the person in recovery falls for the non-member, and it doesn't work out - it CAN lead to depression and a relapse. Not saying it happens in ALL cases, but why ask for trouble? It's just best to have some time under your belt before getting into any emotional "hassles."

Since it's been mentioned in the "Big Book" it must have occured MANY times (relapses, etc) so they decided the one year mark was the best. LOL

I have to admit tho, I did NOT adhere to that rule. I met my future husband at my FIRST MEETING -- but we did NOT start dating til much later.

[roads]

Although I believe great wisdom lives in the pages of AA literature, physical intimacy is something that I'm not sure AA founders (or indeed any of us) fully appreciate in terms of its place in human psychology. Such a sweeping exclusion of something so fundamental to the psyche (and perhaps to healing) seems to me overkill.

Your question is a common one. I do think when both are newly sober sex is asking for trouble, but if you're involved with someone who's never has sobriety issues, someone who is aware of your issues but in no way involved in them, I see nothing wrong with a relationship. You are adding on risk factors, but all relationships have those.

Roadie