[splitimage]

Since I'm not working and not in school until Sept. I'm determined to schedule as many activities into my week as possible, I'm also determined to have an activity that gets me out of St. Clare's every day, since hanging out here all day is depressing. So I've been going to the contemplative groups Mon's and Fri's at my Rehab in addition to my aftercare group on Wed. Contemplative does require abstinance, anyone can go to that group, and there are lots of people who are working on harm reduction, although there are some people who are abstinant like me who just find that the extra support is good.

But there's one guy who I just don't get. I'm guessing he's in his early 60's. Retired. Seems to have a good life. But he's been drinking hard liquor for 40 years. His goal is to cut down to the safe drinking guidelines which is no more than 2 standard drinks for men in a 24 hour period. But he readily admits that he only manages to stick to that goal a couple of days a week, and the rest of the time he's drinking his normal 8 oz. The thing is the guy has alcoholic necropsy (sp?), That's when your central nervous system is so damaged that you loose feeling in your hands and feet and just have a kind of tingly sensation. Today he admitted that the numbness is climbing up his legs and it's becoming difficult for him to walk as he can't feel anything when he's walking so if the sidewalk is the least bit uneven he goes over on his ankle or falls. And the guy is still drinking. Scary.

The sick part is I get it.

Drinking has cost me almost everything and I'm just now starting to turn my life around and I still get urges to drink. I'm taking it one day at a time and really determined not to screw up my life any more by drinking again since I honestly don't think I have another recovery in me. Plus it would cost me my housing if I relapsed.

I just hate alcoholism.

splitimage

[madisgram]

the man you mentioned has neuropathy. a very serious consequence of severe drinking. there is no cure. his denial is strong. he's not serious about stopping drinking imho. i know you already know this splitimage. the good news for you is his active alcoholism is a constant reminder of where we all can go if we don't stay sober.
on the other hand you have the desire and willingness to stay sober. you are using safeguards to help you along. i know the consequences of your drinking have had a price as mine did for me. thank god we are sober.
having a healthy fear of alcohol is a good thing too. for us alcohol can take us back to hell and we know it and don't want to return there.
i'm awfully happy you have chosen the sober life with all it's joys.

[Leed]

I'm glad you're using all the safeguards you can Splitimage. It's really important to have all the support we can get. Since I have a few 24 hrs under my belt, I no longer have any cravings, but I do NOT take that for granted! It could return at any time, and I have to remember that. Postings such as yours are a GREAT reminder that just ONE DRINK could put me back in the hell that I used to live in.

I was "lucky." I didn't 'lose' anything, such as job, or home, etc. But I pretty much lost my mind. I had no self-esteem, no pride, no hope, didn't care about anything. Thank God AA got ahold of me.

I'm like you -- I KNOW I don't have another recovery in me, so this one HAS to work. So just keep going one day at a time, or if one day is too long, one minute at a time. That's how I did it. Minute by minute.

Best of luck & God bless. And take care of yourself! Hugs, Lee

[thickntired]

I think it is a good thing you met this poor guy. Let it be a warning of what drinking can bring. When I was in social work we had a lady with what they called "wet brain." Literally the alcohol had caused her brain damage and she was in adult diapers at a young age. It is tragic what alcohol can do to a person's body.

Stay Strong & K.I.S.S.

TnT