[darkandempty]

up until a few hours ago i was 6wk sober, which i thought was a really big deal.

but lately ive been so depressed, to the point i sent myself to the er and they said im not bad enough to be inpatient. i really dont know what else to do to make it through the week until my partial hospitalization starts. so i drank. i feel better. i dont feel guilty. but i worry about what this is going to mean for tomorrow. will i need to drink again? can i get by sober for 10 days? i dont want to drink, but i feel it is preferable to suicide. theres got to be something i can do sober that will get me through the day.

[Leed]

Dear "Dark" ~ You actually may have clinical depression. That's where the chemicals and hormones in the brain don't work properly and you NEED medications to keep things level.

Have you spoken to your doctor? He CAN help you! Clinical depression is no joke - it is a serious illness. I've had it since I was a small child and very often it is hereditary. I've been on medications for about 40 years now, and I'll be on them the rest of my life. without them I'm in the pits of hell.

Talk to your doctor -- I know that none of us WANTS to be on meds, but it's better than the alternative. Many don't have side effects, and the ones that do, the side effects are NOT severe. So PLEASE talk to your doctor, ok? Don't suffer when you don't have to. And let us know what happens, will you please? God bless and take care! Hugs, Lee

Hey there dark,

did you go to meetings or to a drug/alcohol counsellor to help you stay sober? If so, you can go back and ask for help. If you really want to stay sober for 10 days, you can! I knew enough people who've relapsed and come back into the rooms, the reception is warm and they will help you!

If you've never been to meetings before, they will welcome you with open arms and smiles. they will give you a list of phone numbers and you can call for help when you need to. your phone book will have an AA hotline and they can find a meeting for you.

Also, I agree with Leed, you may want to look at depression (often it coincides with alcoholism) and get treated for that. A doctor can help you do this, you're not alone . SO many people suffer from depression it's a rarity when someone doesnt have it at least once in their lives.

Best wishes to you.

[madisgram]

HI DARK and welcome to pc. i am a recovering alcoholic. when we drink it's because we'd rather drink than be sober. i have depression too. it fed into my alcoholism. i sought professional help for the depression cause the two kept me in a vicious cycle of drinking. alcohol is a depressant so that compounds the depression and self destruction.
they say we drank cause the dog died, we drank cause it lived, we drank...well u get the idea. we will look for any reason to drink. if you are an alcoholic once the drink is put to the lips we're off and running. one drink is too much and a thousand not enough.
consider why you put the drink down for 6 weeks. do you attend a 12 step program of recovery? AA can help save your life but you have to want to be sober in order to put down the drink. anything short of perfection for sobriety will assure you will return to drinking. it may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life, you need professional help too re the depression. but there is hope if you want it.

"When you dance with a gorilla it is the gorilla who decides when to stop."