[Leed]

Days of Healing Days of Joy ...............................Oct 8th

"I am an old man and have known many troubles, but most of them never happened."............................................Mark Twain

Inagination is wonderful if we don't use it against ourselves. Like fire it is a great power capable of either warming and giving life or burning and destroying everything it touches. Consider how when we create problems that never come to be. Family gatherings we know will drive us crazy turn out to be uneventful or even pleasant. Phone calls we put off for months or years because of the excruciating pain they will cause are not the big deal we thought they would be. Once made, decisions we dreaded and avoided improve our lives so much that we wonder what we were waiting for.

We adult children often grow up wearing "doom glasses." Everything we see is filtered through those darkened lenses. How much of what we dread, fear, and run from is really more a figment of imagination than fact. How much of our lives and energy do we spend on avoiding what does not yet exist and perhaps never will?
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I am learning not to borrow trouble from the future.

[Perna]

I don't blame imagination anymore, just worrying. Worrying is always about future events, that we can't know the outcome of and is the penchant to make the negative imaginative choice as to what will happen. Now, when I catch myself worrying, I make up positive outcomes (as well as possible negative) and work toward one of the positively imagined ones.

Taking your wonderful example of "family gatherings"; we usually know exactly why we feel they will drive us crazy but your possible positive outcomes have only vague "uneventful" or "pleasant" as choices. I go for the jugular, what I would like to think and do (positively for me) about Aunt Rita and her snide and hurtful comments; about Uncle George pushing drinks on me with, "One won't hurt you!" Fears of the twins spiking the punch and being stuck in a corner with boring Bobby.

Use imagination ahead of time to prepare for some of the outcomes; not to counter them but to help them roll over us; they are not about us. Former triggers can be disarmed ahead of time.

I can recognize that Aunt Rita's comments are all the same and pretty much leveled at anyone/everyone (or just at me but not about me; I had an "Aunt Martha" that had it in for one of my nieces and all of us saw that, that my niece did/said nothing that could have been to blame, it was just Aunt Martha being Aunt Martha) and I can think of pleasantries to respond with; enjoy myself in confusing her?

I can make sure I have a drink in hand so Uncle George won't be thinking about me and drinking; no need for him to know there's no longer any rum in my Coke. Again, I can steer clear of the punch so if the twins spike it it won't be a problem for me. I can imagine who else will be at the party and think of something I think might interest Bobby as well as questions of interest to me to ask a couple other people likely to be there.

If there's something of interest in one's own life, there are questions about it that can be asked of others. Yes, I'm a reader and my cretin relatives aren't/don't even know how but I'm reading about certain subjects or interests of mine and can still bring my reading into the conversation; "Did you know that they use to eat robins in the 1700s? They're a kind of lark. Who woulda thought?" is just the kind of gross information the twins might enjoy hearing? "Uncle George, have you seen that show on the Discovery Channel about Jack Daniels and how they make it?" http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/ot...ls-whiskey.htm

[Leed]

Perna, I would have loved to be at one of your family gatherings, just to watch what went on! LOL We never have gatherings/reunions sadly, so I don't get to see my "strange" relatives. And I have ALOT.

Worrying -- I'm the CHAMPION worrier. When my 37yr old daughter goes out for the evening (she's single) I worry my head off about what could happen while she's driviing THERE and BACK. We live in a rural area, and I can just see her hitting a deer and ending up in a ditch, all bloodied. And of course she's been driving MY car. I worry all the time. And believe it or not, I'm getting BETTER. I know that worryiing doesn't change a darn thing, and if something is going to happen it's just going to happen, whether I worry or not. So why worry? You'd think I'd listen to myself, would't you? LOL

I've gotten better about not puttiing off making those dreaded phone calls that the reading was talking about. I just jump right in and do them, dread and all -- and usually like it said, it's not as bad as I thought. LOL Live and learn. Hugs, Lee