[malsypals]

I wasn't sure to put this in depression, or this board - Sorry if its wrong!

Im 17, I've always been a happy girl. I rode horses for the longest time and I was never sad, I always made the best out of everything. I moved away from my old state last year in the middle of junior year. It upset me, but i moved on and made the best of it. Slowly, I started to get into different things. I smoked weed before i moved, but when i moved to where I live now I began smoking every day. I was still happy as a clam. Then in august, i got in a huge fight with my sister and brother in law and they kicked me out of their house for a few days. Due to the weed smoking. Then, to try and be a defiant little teenager I did the worst thing i could have ever done to myself which is sell my horses. Because at the time i just wanted to smoke weed all day and i didn't care. After that, I started experimenting with other drugs. I tried shrooms, and after that weed wasn't anything too special anymore. The shrooms turned to norcos, xanax, binge drinking, and i've also been doing molly & whip its. I haven't been happy, I don't know how to be happy anymore. I always have this sad feeling in my chest and I can't get it to go away unless I'm messed up on something. I'll start to have a great day, and then someone will say something so small and irrelevant but it hurts me and puts me in a sad depressed mood for a couple of days. For a while now, I've been waiting for this 2 month period of having bad day after bad day to end but it never does. I cry for no reason, i rarely go to school anymore and I have lost all confidence in myself. I don't know what to do to make this better - I did admit myself into drug counseling. But its only once a week. I hope i don't sound like a winey baby, has anyone else gone through this? i can't seem to break this streak of being sad.

[madisgram]

oh malsy i can totally relate! i suffer from major depressive disorder. this lea me to drink excessively once i discovered alcohol lifted my mood or numbed me to any thing feeling that upset me. i thought i had discovered a cure for the depression. the result- i became an alcoholic. in my case i sought help for the alcoholism and the depresssion at the same time. i need an antidepessant to aid me. not everyone does but for me it works. in therapy i leaned new life skills and coping skills as well. i needed to do this to aid me also. the combo works. i also go to AA to reinforce not drinking. there i also learn more about myself and they offer me how to live a better way.
this is my story and perhaps it will help you. i wish you the best. i'm so glad you posted. there's so much support here in this forum.

[roads]

Already being.a regular user of weed, I'm guessing the stresss of moving in the middle of your junior year naturally increased the drug use. The drugs would have done this, malsypals ... You just had to show up to get sucked into this dance.

Having your horses taken away may not have struck immediately in your drug fog, but I imagine at a deep level the pain was great. This is the web if addiction, and I'm sorry you're trapped in it. Horses make such special bonds with us,

Madisgram has offered some initial wisdom. I hope you will post here often.

Roadie