Family history

Days of healing, Days of Joy.............................................Nov. 26th

"My family history begins with me" .................................. Plutarch

Holidays nearly always conjure up in our minds, and in the universal eyes, the myth of the media family. We are flooded with pictures of family reunions, warm family gatherings, people on the way home for the holidays.

Perhaps we have no such home. Perhaps we never did. It may well be that all the attention paid to home and family at this time of the year serves to cause us much pain rather than joy.

Let us never forget that families and homes come in all manners and forms. Some of the best families are not biological. They are not the environment of love that was given us but those that we chose. We may find that the reality of family and home loving is indeed possible if we are willing to choose our family. It may be necessary to deliberately choose to surround ourselves with those who love and care for us. They are there. As many people are looking for family as we are. And with them we can experience warmth and acceptance.
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As I develop my relationship skills, a family of loving hearts creates itself around me.

Holidays are indeed difficult. But for years, my late husband and I used to put on a "spread" for AA people who had no family on Christmas -- and on Christmas Eve, they'd all come over and eat dinner and spend the evening with us. We had a houseful, but it was wonderful to have our "family" with us. Now with Dave gone, and being much more disabled I'm unable to do that anymore.

As the reading says, many times we have to surround ourselves with people who REALLY care for us, and it may just not be family. Sometimes our family of origin is not there or is even toxic, so we must choose our family and that's even better! Thanks for letting me share. Hugs, Lee

ah yes, our "family". while i have detached from my siblings due to toxic dysfunction-both parents deceased- i have to give them credit for this..when i was early sober i asked them if they would not drink when i was visiting. they were so willing to honor my request. fast forward 5 years. i went to visit them, knocked at the door and helped myself in. my sister had a wine glass in her hand and had just had a sip. as soon as she saw me she abruptly threw the wine down the drain. i was so touched but with about 5 years of sobriety i said, oh meredith you all can enjoy your wine when i am here now. it doesn't trigger me anymore. so sorry i forgot to tell you all. they are norms BTW. but how wonderful it was that they loved me and wanted me to stay sober. i realize many of us don't have that support and good fortune.

when i got sober i adopted my friends in AA as my "family". there was unconditional love from them. something i had never experienced before. i had a whole lot of ppl to love too in the rooms. i had a big family! like lee i had always invited ppl over for the holidays. i made a point to include ppl who would've been alone for the holiday had i not included them. one thanksgiving i went and got the reynold's wrap out to fridge any turkey left from our meal. it was so funny. there was NO turkey left! they had eaten down to the carcass!! i said i can't believe we ate the whole thing! and everyone including me died laughing.

the number of ppl each holiday at my house grew too big. as chairman of the social committee i started a tradition at our clubhouse. it was always open 24/7 all thru the year and we had about 185 members and 50 meetings each week. SRO. first off, in announcements i requested donations for our 24 hour holiday meal at the club. i also asked for people to sign up for a 4 hour periods of time to serve food also so we covered the 24 hours. i put up a big chart in the back for donations of a covered dish. i included first the things that we definitely needed except the turkeys and hams. (i had asked that donation from our social group money). soon the list got full. it was WONDERFUL!!! we also had a meeting marathon during that 24 hours. one meeting every 3 hours. i was so glad we had so much enthusiasm from everyone. so many ppl turned out. even those who had real families too. it was like a celebratiion of our sobriety each holiday.
23 years later, tho i've moved away, the tradition still lives. thank God for AA. my true family.