[Leed]

Days of Healing, Days of Joy - a Hazelden book

"In dealing with other people remember the three C's: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it"......................................Lorna P.

None of us lives in a vacuum. We all live in relational networks called systems. There are family systems, work systems, church systems. We are constantly surrounded by and interacting with others. Some of those "others" have problems. Some of those closest to us have problems.

We often display an exaggerated sense of responsibility - as if we're responsible for those problems getting solved. We this in mind we set out to "fix" the other.

The fact is we didn't cause those problems nor can we control the problems of another, and we surely can't cure them.

Recovery is an intensely personal matter - for us and for others. They will deal with their problems when they are ready, and work as hard as they choose to overcome the problems they face.
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Today, I will allow others the dignity of living as they wish to live.

I think this was written for me. I have always been the consummate "fixer." Anytime anyone had a problem, I was there. I tried my best to help everyone to "get over" whatever it was that was bothering them. I didn't profess to be any kind of "doctor" or nurse or anything like that --- but I just tried to listen, help with common sense, and hope they'd be okay. HAH. I soon learned that I couldn't even fix myself, let alone anyone else.

Then I came across this reading -- I knew it had to have been for ME.

[gma45]

It is ok to listen though right? I might have good advice for people, just because I don't always follow it myself doesn't mean it's wrong-----right?

[Leed]

Sure it''s ok to listen. Sometimes that's all people need is someone to listen. I'm really good at that. If I could keep my mouth shut, I'd be okay, but all too often, I start giving advice. It MIGHT be good advice -- but it might NOT be too. How do I know.

That's my problem. Everyone's situation is different. What works for me just might NOT work for someone else. Then if they follow my advice, and things "go south" they could get really mad at me, and then I've lost a friend. It's best to keep my big mouth SHUT.

Boy that's hard for me. Masking tape might be a good solution.

I think I'll buy the book "Days of Healing, Days of Joy". I could use the kind of perspective that little work teaches.

I had a very intelligent doctor tell me one time, "you're being assaulted by a "troupe of actors". I never forgot that and still rise to the bait when it is an onslaught. I will try to use the masking tape, because I know I have trouble keeping my mouth shut in the face of "a troupe of actors".

Thank you for the post.