[razeljenny]

My Recovery group for Alcohol is bothering me for the last month almost. I finally changed to another one that has less people in it and that helped. I have to resist the urge to go to a meeting where I get harrassed. I broke a group unity rule ,sort of, but did not screw up. They keep bringing up, (namely saying stuff like "one certain unnamed person who knows who she is" screwed up in that respect "and I can disagree in my head because I have a free will and as long as I control myself with my higher power's help " that is most important.( I got very involved with a man I really enjoy in multitudinous ways, that had less than a year with the program) Also it is a painful ungratifying time for me receiving bitter sensations from an old support family. I start classes at CC and am hurting in recovery, so I have to step back a bit and get healing I despirately don't have . I know what my mental limits at the time, taking in bitterness for 3 weeks I am at a point where logically I see ttruthly how hurting I am. The pressure of school could tip me over. I just need to get more feeling better physically as well as mentally because i am now off balance. I need to continue to go to the smaller group where I can still grow by leaps and bounds and avoid the hassling hurting people that I can not stomach well, right now. (they are on a grand scale moralizing each time I am present at one of the bigger meetings, using stereotypes about something called 13th step ) I just can't stomach this repeatedly, so I better avoid it for my serenity and my soberiety as well. I have a hard time with this because I am such a usually pumped person like with a hard shell but truthfully, not really lately.

[shadowalker164]

Razeljenny…
Your “I’s” are too close together. This freedom we all seek comes from giving of ourselves. Not in simply securing unto ourselves the things we feel we need or want from others. People places and things will always let us down. We don’t look to them for our inner peace.

This world is indeed peppered with A##holes, but when everyone in the room is an A##hole, it is time for me to look at myself.

Do you not know what 13th stepping is? It is a combination of step one and step 12. My life is unmanageable #1, and I want to share it with you #12. People with any length of sobriety, look out for the ones among us with less sobriety. It seems early on this path, we are somewhat vulnerable.

Don’t be discouraged, Razeljenny. Your job at this juncture is to grow in usefulness to others. And with growth, discomfort is usually it’s companion. It’s not required, but all pain is in the resistance. Let go, let God.

On the road to the good stuff.
Richard