[Switch]

Was triggered last week by something and it's all just been building. I am desperately playing with a thing of play dough, and avoiding class (we're suppose to be going to a protest and then working on resumes), and all I can think about is I just want to run away from all of this and I know how but I have been sober from that for about three weeks and I promised someone I wouldn't but I cant think of anything else to do.

Distractions?

[sincemyfirstmemory]

Hello. My name is Tammy. I have been sober for 4 1/2 years. It is tough. I put myself in a 3 month outpatient treatment program and go to AA once and a while. I was surprised at how much I learned about my illness and my way of thinking. I have had problems with alcohol since I was 13. I am now 43 so getting sober was the best choice I have ever made. However, I would never have been able to stay sober with the outpatient alcohol treatment. Drinking was my escape. However, when I was drunk, I would relive bad memories and cry and feel aweful then there was the hellish hangovers. Sometimes I would have a great time when I was drinking. However, my behavior was very regretful in the morning.

I have felt like giving up allot. It is the illness and our environmental stress of daily living. Counseling, meds, this support group, plenty of sleep, good nutrition, plenty of down time, avoiding stressful situations and so forth can damper the pain a little. It is allot of work living with bipolar. So hard. God bless you.
Tam

[Switch]

Thanks Tammy, your support is much appreciated.
I'm trying to stay focused on the person who inspired me to quit, and I'm also trying to eat so hopefully that helps along with other safe distraction techniques. I still don't feel like I can do it but I know if I actively give up that is my own failure. I haven't hit hell yet, but I think I'm driving there.

(hug)

[Switch]

Aaand I caved... I don't even remember caving, I just know I did. God I suck sometimes.

[emgreen]

There's always tomorrow! I don't even count my sober time because staying sober is a process of doing things a day at a time. When we wake up in the morning we all have the same length of sobriety that day. Good luck staying sober just for today.

[Switch]

Thanks. I'm working on it and I have someone with me. I like the not counting. I might try and do that. At very least I'll feel less guilty.

[avlady]

Hi Tammy, i wish you good luck and sure hope you can do this, it does get easier, i was at one point in my life a heavy drinker, quit 15 years ago, on my own, i didn't ever want another hangover in my life after the last one and i so far havn't either.