[AngstyLady]

So I found this writing/poem of mine I wrote this a bit after I went clean for good from smoking weed, and in this dark hour of mine(I'm feeling depressed) I found strength in it and hope you will too:
(6.27.2013)
Living the clean life is hard.
Often times it’s like I move from one addiction to the next.
If it wasn’t coke and alcohol, it was weed and cigarettes.
Then it was overeating.
Now I feel so empty and have trouble being that same happy person.
I’ve been told it takes a while for your brain to recover, but what if mine doesn’t?
Perhaps I’ve permanently damaged my central nervous system and all I’m left with is a purely
robot like mannerisms. All brains and no more personality.
It seems I need constant stimulation to just get by.
I’m trying to successfully cut out caffeine from my diet but that’s close to impossible.
My mind and body craves it- I feel like a zombie without it.
I have no good social network- lost touch with my good friends for my druggie friends,
Then ditched my druggie friends to get clean.
Now I’m left with nothing(besides a minimal family support network, but they can’t relate) , but don’t have any sorrow for me(It’s my own damn fault).
Perhaps this is all fate and all these trials and tribulations I’ve gone through will be for a higher purpose in the long run.
I’ve gained resiliency to overcome these cravings and dark nights on my own.
I’ve gained strength of will for not having slit my wrists or down some pills in the midst of a seemingly never ending rut or two I’ve been through.
I’ve gained courage to continue to hold my head high after behavior I’m not proud of.
I’ve gained more humility for living a more simple and pure life as I regain my connection to nature and the world around me.
I’ve gained self-esteem and pride for being able to better myself and knowing I have the strength to endure; for helping others that are less fortunate than myself, and for continuing to do the right thing each day, even when the chance to be deceitful for self-gain keeps coming my way.

[smallporgies]

Wow, I'm amazed you're still standing. I have only had a strong addiction to sugar(not a problem anymore) caffeine (under control) but my addiction to alcohol is my greatest struggle. I have had to have one drink a night for over twenty years. I need to step beyond it and let go but on the other side are child abuse memories. Not looking forward to this next step. Hang in there. letting go of those who are no good for you, only to find all the good ones have left is a hard place to be. Nothing but time, I guess. Thanks.

[TigerTHC]

This is a great poem! Well done!!! with everything. i can relate a lot....

thanks for this

[bird_lover]

wow...just....wow.....that blew me away....

[spondiferous]

I can also relate to this. Thanks for sharing something so personal about yourself. The sober life is hard because after the 'thrill' (the 'pink cloud') wears off it requires showing up for life everyday regardless of what it hands me. I have been sober now for several years and although I wouldn't change it for the world, some parts of it are still hard. So yeah...thanks for sharing your poem.

[sarah putney]

Thanks for sharing this. Im an addict. I totally related to that.

Originally Posted by AngstyLady

So I found this writing/poem of mine I wrote this a bit after I went clean for good from smoking weed, and in this dark hour of mine(I'm feeling depressed) I found strength in it and hope you will too:
(6.27.2013)
Living the clean life is hard.
Often times it’s like I move from one addiction to the next.
If it wasn’t coke and alcohol, it was weed and cigarettes.
Then it was overeating.
Now I feel so empty and have trouble being that same happy person.
I’ve been told it takes a while for your brain to recover, but what if mine doesn’t?
Perhaps I’ve permanently damaged my central nervous system and all I’m left with is a purely
robot like mannerisms. All brains and no more personality.
It seems I need constant stimulation to just get by.
I’m trying to successfully cut out caffeine from my diet but that’s close to impossible.
My mind and body craves it- I feel like a zombie without it.
I have no good social network- lost touch with my good friends for my druggie friends,
Then ditched my druggie friends to get clean.
Now I’m left with nothing(besides a minimal family support network, but they can’t relate) , but don’t have any sorrow for me(It’s my own damn fault).
Perhaps this is all fate and all these trials and tribulations I’ve gone through will be for a higher purpose in the long run.
I’ve gained resiliency to overcome these cravings and dark nights on my own.
I’ve gained strength of will for not having slit my wrists or down some pills in the midst of a seemingly never ending rut or two I’ve been through.
I’ve gained courage to continue to hold my head high after behavior I’m not proud of.
I’ve gained more humility for living a more simple and pure life as I regain my connection to nature and the world around me.
I’ve gained self-esteem and pride for being able to better myself and knowing I have the strength to endure; for helping others that are less fortunate than myself, and for continuing to do the right thing each day, even when the chance to be deceitful for self-gain keeps coming my way.