[journeyman]

I have a medical condition, which causes intermittent pain.
In addition, when it kicks up, it throws me into a bout of mild depression of sorts....unless I use painkiller med.....then I'm fine.
I hardly ever get depressed, so this is a foreign reaction for me and moping around depressed and hurting is NOT the way I want to live, so when I need to, I take the painkiller meds., which happen to be Ultram.
I am a firm believer in using what meds are available to fix what hurts you (why go through life miserable?) but as you can guess, I am concerned about addiction.
When does use become abuse?
I'd rather not get into how much I'm using and how often (moderate) because this isn't a drug question...it's a (potential) substance abuse question....how do you know if you have one and what do you do about it?

[kimmydawn]

journeyman,

this is a very good question...a conversation i had in detail with my doctor.

there's a huge differnce between use and abuse, between physical dependency and addition.

one huge thing to ask yourself is if you're using your meds for pain and not for any secondary result (feeling better, high, etc.) Another good question to ask self is if you're taking more than perscribed even though the amount perscribed helps the pain.

my doctor pointed out that my anxiety about this showed my vigilence not to abuse which helped ease my mind there.

i wish you well as you continue.

KD

I had/have a painkiller addiction/abuse. I have a back problem that would delight me know end whenever it flared up because it meant a "real" excuse for using (codiene)..I would find myself breaking up my day into 4hourly sections looking forward to the next dose and getting angry at the pain for getting in the way of the high. What do I do about it? have to tell the doctor that I have a chemically addictive mind and ask if there are alternatives.

[Perna]

I think some of it is a personal issue. I sometimes don't like to take an "aspirin" for a headache as I want to experience my life, good and bad, in its entirety and feel the pain is "telling" me something sometimes. It's very hard to know when any given thing "causes" any other reaction; I've been having a lot of problems with an asthma med I think but I also think we're more complicated than direct one-to-one problems so how/when can we know if a side effect is caused by a med or by something else we're doing/thinking, etc.?

Just yesterday I was worried about my med but today I'm doing quite well (didn't alter how I took it). I think if a med makes us "okay" for real, what I hear you say, then it probably isn't addiction but we can't really do anything about a "possible" addiction until it becomes real? If the med helps, take it. If you get addicted (which, to me, would be that the med interferes with your life in any way, either literal or subjective) then it becomes something for an individual to deal with as it's their life quality. Were it possible to be addicted, not have it impact one's life negatively (which includes becoming a "thief" to support a habit; lying, cheating, or otherwise breaking laws or hurting others, not working/supporting one's self, etc.) then I'd say there was no problem with the addiction.

Did you see the movie, Cider House Rules?

[Raynaadi]

For me, if I'm using a medication as prescribed by a physician for a specific problem, then I'm using the medication correctly. If I'm using it for any other reason, then for me its abuse. An example...I was having nerve pain in my arm due to multiple sclerosis. Since I'm an alcoholic, I prefer not to take narcotics so my doctor prescribed amytriptiline (I can't spell that). Anyway, it's mainly used as an anti-depressant, but has been known to help nerve pain. She gave me a months supply with a refill. Towards the end of the month, my massage therapist fixed the pain in my arm, but my doctor said to finish the prescription. I started making sure I took it before bed so I could sleep. Once I realized that I was taking it to sleep, and not for nerve pain anymore, I quit taking it, because I was taking a prescription medication for something other than the way it was prescribed. Another example, I had two teeth pulled and was given Tylenol 3 with codeine. I cut them in half with my sponsor and would only take a half when I felt pain coming on. One night I'm laying in bed thinking "I should take a pill in case the pain comes after I fall asleep. But I'm not in pain now...but I might be later...." I got up and flushed the pills. For me, I guard my sobriety with hyper vigilence. I won't even take Nyquil. I speak only about myself, but it's the only way I know to try to answer your question. If you're concerned about becoming addicted to the meds, as yourself when you take them, "Am I taking these for the reason my doctor prescribed, am I following my doctors direction?" If not, then maybe it's time to talk to your doctor about another sort of medication that can be taken when bouts of depression flair up, medication for depression and not pain.

Hope that helps....
Rayna

[journeyman]

Wow, thank you for the quick replies.
Kimmy: good point, "secondary" result...I defintely don't use them to get high but sometimes to feel better
Mouse: I've already experienced what you described...I almost look forward to justifying having to take something when the pain is noticeable (no second thoughts)
Perna: After reading what you wrote, I think I may have more of a dependency than an addiction potential
Rayna: I respect tremendously what you do to keep yourself straight but I have a much more cavalier toward drugs so am not afraid to push myself to the brink.....as long as I don't fall off.
The bottom line is I have legitimate, oppressive pain, which keeps me from enjoying life and the pain meds fix that.
I just need to keep things in balance.

[kimmydawn]

I've been where you are, journeyman, and am again off and on...always will be with my condition.

Just always keep the concern, self-honesty and vigilence that you have now and you should do just fine. Whenever you have questions, talk with your doctor. May she/he could switch the type of med you use every so often to combat your concern with dependency even. That might not be an option because when we find something that helps our pain, why on earth would we risk three months of trying something that might not? scary...

Just keep being honest with yourself and do regular introspection regarding using your meds.

KD