[dandylin]

Hi, I mostly post in the depression forum, but I am struggling with another issue right now.
My 26 year old son and his girlfriend are having a baby. Potentially a good thing, right? I'm terrified.

My son is a heavy alcoholic who stopped drinking last year...with no support. He has had three bouts of pancreatitis. The last bout leaving him in the ICU for one month.

He is living with this woman and her 3 year old son. He calls me fairly regularly in tears over the pressure he's feeling.

I have gone back to Alanon in hopes of getting my head on straight with this.

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice for me?

[gayleggg]

I'm glad to hear you are going back to Alanon. I think it will help give support.

As a mother, I can understand your worrying about your son. And having him call and burden you with his dispair is not really fair to you. I don't think our children understand how much pain their pain causes us. They call us and get their feelings out and leave them with us to worry about.

I'm sorry he has been so sick I know that can't be easy to deal with. I know you worry about him but maybe right is a good time to start looking forward to grandchild you are about to have and the joy that little life will bring.

Hope you get some help through Alanon. Just know that we are here for you too.

[dandylin]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I'm glad to hear you are going back to Alanon. I think it will help give support.

As a mother, I can understand your worrying about your son. And having him call and burden you with his dispair is not really fair to you. I don't think our children understand how much pain their pain causes us. They call us and get their feelings out and leave them with us to worry about.

I'm sorry he has been so sick I know that can't be easy to deal with. I know you worry about him but maybe right is a good time to start looking forward to grandchild you are about to have and the joy that little life will bring.

Hope you get some help through Alanon. Just know that we are here for you too.

Thank you so much for your support. It means the world. Everything you are saying is so true. I need the support of Alanon and I need to work on not putting my fears on him. Thanks so much for answering.

[Altered Moment]

three bouts of pancreatitis at 26? is that alcohol related?

Alanon is a great program and I went to it for years. I would cling to that and post here.
I hope he stays stopped.

I have a 21 year old daughter who has a very high potential to become and alcoholic. I am a recovering one. So far she is ok but I worry.........she has had troubles as a teen with it.

[dandylin]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

three bouts of pancreatitis at 26? is that alcohol related?

Alanon is a great program and I went to it for years. I would cling to that and post here.
I hope he stays stopped.

I have a 21 year old daughter who has a very high potential to become and alcoholic. I am a recovering one. So far she is ok but I worry.........she has had troubles as a teen with it.

Yes, alcohol related. It almost killed him this last time. Thanks for the support. Hopefully, he'll pull through

[dandylin]

After visiting with him this week, I see no changes in his behaviors or attitudes from when he was drinking. He lives in a filthy 2 bedroom trailer with his girlfriend, her 3 year old and another couple with a baby.

I wonder why he aspires to so little? He wasn't brought up in a dirty home or with people who smoked and drank. We rarely had alcohol in the house and if we did it was only what we could drink at a special occasion.

I know he's depressed, but refuses help. Says AA doesn't apply to him and refuses to go.

I know I need Alanon more than ever. I find myself wanting to fix him and giving suggestions and trying to manipulate him into being what I wish for him.

[Altered Moment]

I find myself wanting to fix him and giving suggestions and trying to manipulate him into being what I wish for him.

That part will drive you crazy, thus Alanon.

[Little Lulu]

I go to Al-Anon. My sister is an alcoholic and the group support has helped me with those urges to try to 'fix her'. It has improved our relationship.

(((daydylin))) Your son's situation sounds tough but as they say in Al-Anon :... no situation is truly hopeless ..."