[labyrinth572]

Hi, I have a relative who is addicted to alcohol to the point where its a problem for his health & life in general. He won't go to rehab, and I don't think he attends AA meetings. He had to go to the hospital last week, but on the way there he escaped from the cab.
So he's very resistant to getting help (even sober he won't go to rehab...).
What are the proper steps to take here? I know that there is alcohol in the house, but I worry that if I remove it I'm just enabling his helplessness. Also, he has money to buy more, so it wouldn't help much..
His marriage is in danger, his kids are young and need a sober father.
How can one convince an alcoholic to try to change?

[Altered Moment]

How can one convince an alcoholic to try to change?

I am afraid there is not really a way other than to not enable the drinking and not tolerate the behavior that results from it. An alcoholic has to be left to suffer the natural consequences of their actions. They have to want to be sober and consequences can lead to the proverbial bottom.

One consequence could be his wife leaves him. That can't be an idle threat though. I would suggest that the wife go to Alanon for her own support.

There is one thing called an intervention that sometimes works. It worked with my Dad. It has to be done with a professional. You hire a professional who has done these things and knows all about addiction and then I think everyone who is going to be involved besides the alcoholic meets once to discuss how to do it. So then the counselor, the alcoholic, the family, other family such as you, a few close friends, all get together for a meeting. Each person has to really think about what they want to say beforehand. You don't attack the alcoholic but each person takes his turn telling him what they think about his drinking and how it affects them. Sometimes with all of that hitting him at once and maybe not realizing how his behavior has had such a huge impact on others it will prompt him to get help. No guarantees.

I think it worked with my Dad because he saw this was the last chance with my Mom. If this didn't work she was gone and he knew it. I can't remember all the details as it was 25 years ago. he hasn't had a drink since. Very proud of him.

[Mygrandjourney]

"I am afraid there is not really a way other than to not enable the drinking and not tolerate the behavior that results from it. An alcoholic has to be left to suffer the natural consequences of their actions. They have to want to be sober and consequences can lead to the proverbial bottom."

I agree with this, but you can also think of the ways the enabling is happening and work with the family to eliminate it. The family has to be willing/able to follow through and able to tolerate conflict, which is almost always the result of trying to get someone who doesn't want to change to start changing.
There is another resource available via Robert Meyers, PhD: He has a program called, "CRAFT" and has written a self help book on the subject as well. https://www.robertjmeyersphd.com/craft.html

[labyrinth572]

His wife kicked him out of the house just before Xmas... We let him stay at our house rather than wander around drinking. Is that enabling? We were on vacation...didn't know what to do.

[Altered Moment]

I don't know if it enabling. Being compassionate comes to mind. Enabling depends on his behavior in your household and whether you tolerate it or not. It's your house and you can make the rules and even set conditions for him living there.

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[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

I don't know if it enabling. Being compassionate comes to mind. Enabling depends on his behavior in your household and whether you tolerate it or not. It's your house and you can make the rules and even set conditions for him living there.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Generally speaking, the definition of enabling is anything that allows him to continue drinking without consequence.
Allowing him to live with you while he determines his next move doesn't sound like enabling, per se, but if you allow him to drink/use while at your home, I would call that enabling.