[Shiznit86]

Hi this is my first post, i thought id start by telling about my addiction. Ive been addicted to anabolic steroids for the past 11years. With steroids theres no physical addiction, you get no physical withdrawal symptoms, is purely psychological.

When i go a couple of days without steroids my depression symptoms go through the roof, my self esteem drops even lower and i get paranoid. And i just cant wait to stick the needle in my body and inject the oil. As soon as i do i get a rush and an overall sense of well beeing. I feel like a king. Over the years i have spent maybe a half a million dollars on steroids and growth hormones and put myself deep in debt. Ive been scammed out of money, ive had infections cause of bad oil, heart infection, and liver issues.
Now my wife is ready to leave me. This is because of 13 inpasient stays and 18 overdoses this last year and a half. And she blames the steroids on top of my MI. And i just cant give it up, its a part of me. Now i go around every day worried when my wifes gonna leave me. I just dont know how to handle this. I dont want to loose my wife and im not ready to give up my addiction.
Thanks for reading
Shiznit

[CANDC]

Hi Sniznit86, welcome to Psych Central (PC). Sorry you are struggling with steroids. It has been 11 years and you mentioned no apparent improvement. Some people choose rehab or a professional psych doc to get their life back.

Some people at PC will find a therapist will help them. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

There are articles that go into more detail about coping
Psych Central - Trusted mental health, depression, bipolar, ADHD & psychology information.

Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[healingme4me]

We all have choices we make in life. I'm sorry to say, sounds like your wife has choices of her own to make.

Welcome to PC.

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central Shiznit86!!! It's so nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator if you need help navigating the forums. I look forward to seeing you around!!!

[Shiznit86]

Thanks for your kind welcomes.
Well thats it, the only good thing in my life is leaving me.
Possible Trigger
Ive had 12 hospitalizations

Possible trigger:

and 18 overdoses and suicide attempts(probably 6-8 serious ones). I self injur,

i have mdd, bpd, anxiety and lots of traits from aspd.

Possible trigger:

I was raped by a man when i was nine

and brought up by alcoholic parents and an abusive mother. All of this led me to abuse anabolic steroids, to grow SO big that nobody would be able to hurt me again. I was just accepted to an addiction treatment facility and will stay there a year. But my wife couldnt take all this anymore and left me. I have no idea what to do
I have never been on my own, and i dont want to be alone.

Possible trigger:

i am contemplating[/COLOR] ending my life so i wont have to suffer anymore.

Thanks for listening to my rant