[Keane]

Hi,

So I'm an 18 year old girl, and I've realised stuff about myself which are making me feel lost, confused and alone. I need guidance and help on how to change, because I feel like there really is no way out.

I used to think I might be erotomanic as I believe that up to 20 strangers are attracted to me every day.
The strangers I see on a regular schedule become real obsessions to me; I'll think of some of them literally all day and night long, and stalk them when I can. But I hate the feeling.
When I might or do see them, I feel stress and adrenaline. And the less I see them, the more I crave those feelings.

But I've realised those obsessions acutally fill some part of emptiness inside of me. Without them, I wouldn't have any reason to try to look good, dress nicely or even go out at all. They "keep me going" in a way I guess.
This is very mostly what I think about when out in public, and it makes me feel paranoid.

It's all very tirering and painful. I just hate the feeling, the feeling of "neediness", and just simply of obsession.

But at the same time, without it all, I feel even worse.
When my obsessions start fading away (like when I don't go out for quite some time (e.g. summer holidays)), I start to actually need them. So I usually go on forums etc. hoping someone will fall in love with me.
But paradoxically, if someone does like me, it'll just make me intensely anxious. And I've also never been romantically (or sexually) attracted to anyone.

A quick relief to all of this is watching romantic films or series.
Spending time doing other stuff, with people, is useless because that means I will have to go out at some point.

I don't know if you can consider this addiction, but I feel like I'm addicted to being obsessed about someone and believing they like me. I can't controle it in any way.
If you have any advice or just anything to say, please do. It's making me feel so depressed.

Thanks a lot and have a nice day or evening ^^


P.S. For info:
I think this really started a decade ago, but got a lot worse throughout the years, and especially since high school.
I've also had OCD since I was 8, and I've got genealised anxiety disorder and very low self esteem.

[Crazy Hitch]

Here's my personal opinion Keane,

Others opinions may differ, and this is okay.

It is a basic human need to feel a sense of belonging, love and acceptance by others.

It seems to me as if somewhere along the way perhaps you lost this feeling of being loved/accepted for who you really are?

You started placing your identity on the degree of acceptance of others; without possibly knowing / accepting who you truly are?

So you jumped to the other extreme.

In trying to figure this whole thing out.

You began "demanding" (okay I don't know the word) acceptance from others.

It was sort of like a coping mechanism.

After all, a sense of belonging / being accepted / liked by others is a basic human need.

It is not an unrealistic need.

So if you felt like your need wasn't being met, you sought a means to fulfil it.

It may not be a healthy "strategy" - but I can assure you people develop all sort of unhealthy strategies in order to feel a sense of love and belonging. Your need to do this is far from unique; although your strategy may be a little bit different; your intent is still the same; to fulfil a basic human need.

You hate the feeling of stalking and feeling obsessed over others.

Sure.

I am glad you do.

This is a sign that you have swung to the other extreme demanding this acceptance.

This obsession is tiring.

If I were you I'd rather change to a healthier "obsession".

I'd start working out who I truly am.

As a person.

Inside.

What is likable about me.

There are plenty of good things going for you. This I know to be true.

And when you see them and believe them, others will be attracted to the goodness within you.

You won't need to seek it.

You won't need to demand it.

Once you know who you are; the good person you are; others opinions are irrelevant.

[whoknew005]

Wow this is me! I had to print this post because you were able to articulate what I've struggled with on a daily basis.. you are 15 years younger than me and yet your insights are so profound. I'm also too afraid to tell my therapist. you might like the book "love and limerence" by Dorothy tennov

[whoknew005]

I think what causes your obsession is that you believe 20 people are attracted to you but you aren't 100% sure so you look for more signs to confirm it. This is what keeps you taking care of yourself and dressing nicely. For me when a person I'm obsessed with talks to me, I will blush, my heart will race and I freeze up. But once I get to know them and they make it clear they are attracted to me I start to lose interest and the obsession fades away, until it all happens again with someone else, until I know they like me...etc
google the huffington post article "limerence and the biochemical roots of love addiction."