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#1
Apr 08, 2015, 04:16 PM
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I'm a junky with nearly 9 years clean. I have painfully strong desire to use again. When I play the tape through to the end I know without a doubt that it will kill me. My mind is twisted right now, and it is telling me that using is worth the loss of everything and the inevitable death. I could use some support from anyone that understands where I am at right now. I am fully aware that it is my responsibility to keep myself safe.
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 mountain human, notz
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 notz
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#2
Apr 08, 2015, 09:00 PM
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I saw this recommended through the site, have you read this one? If so, has it helped? If not, do you think it could? Addiction struggles are life long. Has something recently occurred in your life, to bring you close to the brink?
http://psychcentral.com/lib/right-no...-good/00015799 Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk |
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#3
Apr 08, 2015, 10:52 PM
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I have not read that one. I think that I'm empty, lonely, and depressed. Externally my life is good, but I'm not.
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| beauflow
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#4
Apr 09, 2015, 04:36 AM
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What have been your coping skills over the past 9 years?
Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk |
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#5
Apr 09, 2015, 05:05 AM
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remember everything you lost through using, remember how it destroyed your life. you've come on so far - 9 years is amazing!
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#6
Apr 09, 2015, 07:50 AM
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Frankly, coping skills are crap. I am very aware of what I have to loose, but it still almost seems worth it.
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#7
Apr 09, 2015, 10:43 AM
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I know you've been playing the tape through to the end, but have you considered an NA meeting? Not only would this get you out of your own head, it would remind you in concrete terms what waits for you if you use again. Folks will do all kinds of dangerous & degrading things to feed their habits. I'm not preaching...It's just a suggestion.
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#8
Apr 09, 2015, 10:47 AM
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Caught a meeting yesterday, and am going to try to catch another one today. I do see my T today, and this will be a focal of discussion either way.
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| beauflow
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| beauflow
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#9
Apr 11, 2015, 03:30 PM
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Still clean. To be honest though, if I knew just where to find my drug of choice, I think I would have been high days ago.
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#10
Apr 12, 2015, 06:10 AM
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Alcohol is my drug of choice, and I recently relapsed rather badly, going on a 5 day binge. I made myself very sick. It's only my incredibly high tolerance that kept me from killing myself. It took me 3 days to recover emotionally. It caused me to screw up my post graduate diploma, that I'm now going to have to try to negotiate my way out of, and I feel incredibly bad about myself.
It's not worth it. splitimage
__________________
 "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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| emgreen, notz
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#11
Apr 12, 2015, 12:50 PM
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I'm ok now. I am not going to go into details as to how, but I got way too close and took it too far. I stayed clean,and my desire is all but gone.
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#12
Apr 12, 2015, 03:18 PM
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Congratulations on staying clean, and pulling yourself out of it.
splitimage
__________________
"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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