[venom0706]

I am 21 years old. For the last 4 years, me and my girlfriend have occasionally drunk beer 3-4 times a week. We don't drink any hard alcohol (nor planning to), but we drink a lot of beer. On Friday nights, we get very drunk, because both of us feel tired from the whole week and want to relax. However, I have the feeling that I am not doing it only for the relaxation, but because I have developed a habit and sort of... NEED it. Ever since I quit smoking 2 years ago (after 4 years of heavy smoking) , I abuse with beer quite often. I always search for... a kick. Whether if it's going to be a beer in the evening or a coffee in the morning, I just search for something that causes euphoria. Never did drugs and don't plan to.

I wanted to reduce my beer drinking, because it sometimes makes me feel aggressive and I don't want to cause any unreasonable harm to any of the people I care. I have already done a bad thing when I was drunk once, which has caused me regret for the rest of my life. I used to drink beer every 2-3 days, after work, but now I try to limit myself to drinking only in weekends.

The second thing I want to reduce once I deal with cutting down the drinking days is the amount I drink - I usually have about 2-3 660ml bottles of beer the nights I drink. This, I guess, is a bit too much...

Could you possibly recommend me a solution to this, or at least an advice how not to get aggressive when I drink? Can I limit myself to drinking less beer, or it will be always an issue and I COMPLETELY have to stop drinking? Thank you and much appreciated.

[regretful]

I suspect that you may get a lot of responses to this; I think everyone's situation is unique. There are strategies that you can use to reduce drinking. Look up Rational Recovery, which is an alternative to AA. There's also probably some information on the term "harm reduction" that might have some helpful steps to cutting down. Understand, though, that the underlying premise of both of these is to get you to a point where you reduce the need to less than nothing - which is to stop drinking all together.

Though I've not been in trouble with alcohol, I have been on the fence for years about abstaining completely. Six months without, I realized that I was able to drink in moderation and survive well. I enjoy the taste of beer with a meal, and sometimes on its own.

By the way, I'm nearly 50 now...among my regrets are that I didn't cut down my drinking until just a couple of years ago. Best of luck to you.

[venom0706]

Thank you for your response. Right now, I am going well with my plan to drink only in weekends, This is my second week, and I am determined to keep it like this until Friday night... Most important thing for me is to drink less when being with my girlfriend. However, usually the opposite happens and we end up pretty wasted. We usually have a great time together, but I am very short tempered and I am very scared not to get into an argument with her while being very drunk. This is the thing that once made me do a bad thing towards her, which I will regret for the rest of my life...

[regretful]

You're welcome. Just sent you a private message related to this matter.

[Perna]

The easiest way to solve your problem for me would be to replace the beer drinking with something else. Go bowling on Friday nights? Do something active instead of just drink. Take a class in something that interests you, maybe a craft of some kind that would be relaxing to practice, or start a new ritual; take up line dancing at a country western bar? :-) Form a group of friends that actually do something active together and try to concentrate on the activity more than on when the next beer is going to be needed?

[spondiferous]

Perna: good suggestion.
I remember when I used to attend AA meetings, the basic text said that the best way for a person to judge if they have a problem with alcohol is to attempt to control their drinking. So if you repeatedly attempt to only drink a certain way, or at certain times, or in certain places, or certain amounts, and you more or less repeatedly are unable to stick to that, and it occurs in conjunction with something like aggression, then there's a chance you could have a problem with drinking.
What you decide to do about it is up to you. Not everyone has to be a full-blown alcoholic to decide that their life is better off without drinking. The fact that you were a heavy smoker for 4 years and then became a heavier drinker when you quit smoking is something that deserves to be looked at. Cigarette smoking is a much more complicated addiction than people give it credit for. After quitting drugs, after quitting drinking (for the last time), smoking was so much more difficult. It took me over a year after my last drink or drug to finally be able to kick smoking. With addictive behaviour, it can bounce from one thing to another. Addiction/dependency/use is the disease/habit/problem (however you look at it); whatever a person is compulsively doing (drinking, smoking, gambling, eating) is the symptom, not the root.
Some people, as I mentioned, decide they don't like how they feel when they drink, and cut it out even though they are not even addicted. Other people are very heavy drinkers, even problem drinkers, and reach a point where they can somehow manage to control their drinking. I have friends like that. I don't understand it, simply because I myself can't do it; thus far, I'm an all-or-nothing gal. But I have also learned that whatever works, works, and it's different for different people.
Try some stuff. Rational Recovery is one, and there are also things like SMART (Self Management and Recovery Training) which focuses more on brainstorming and problem-solving rather than the 12 step approach of admitting powerlessness, etc. If you haven't already, you may want to talk with a counsellor or therapist, especially one who has worked with people with substance abuse concerns before. They're pretty easy to come by. They don't necessarily have to specialize in addictions treatment.
Whatever you decide, I wish you and your girlfriend the best.

[venom0706]

Thank you for your replies. I am curious though, will I be able to cut down drinking without completely stopping it? I mean, just enjoying 1-2 beers without having the need to go buy some more, or it will always cause me problems and dependancy and I have to stop completely?

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by venom0706

Thank you for your replies. I am curious though, will I be able to cut down drinking without completely stopping it? I mean, just enjoying 1-2 beers without having the need to go buy some more, or it will always cause me problems and dependancy and I have to stop completely?

I stopped drinking in my 30s, I drank similarly to you, binge drinking on weekends. It wasn't that hard for me to stop because I got very interested in reading about certain things and I could only do that sober. Now, I can drink in moderation. So, yes, you probably will be able to drink in moderation in the future, but it sounds like your drinking is a problem right now, and maybe you should stop.

[CosmicRose]

I hope you're drinking a lot of water because even if you don't experience hang overs, your body will still be dehydrated from that. You may have an addictive personality, which means you might have to replace the alcohol with something else, like you did with the cigarettes, but you need to get to the bottom of why you have an addictive personality - what do you want in your life that you aren't getting so you're reaching outside of yourself for comfort or for instant gratification? What feeling do you keep assuming coffee, beer or cigarettes will give you that you feel you cannot generate yourself naturally on your own (because you can, by the way)? Make sure the next addiction is a healthy one. You can switch your addiction to music playing, a health food lifestyle, vegan hot tonics, hookah (which I hear is better for you than smoking cigs), going to the gym, creating art, juicing, find something you actually like and replace the beer with that, but then also work on why you keep chasing after that feeling that you desperately feel you can't generate without "something". Its not easy, because we all do it one way or another. You just need to be conscious about it. And do this with your gf, tell her you want to really cut down on your beer drinking.

[avlady]

get your girlfriend to be agreeable with you that this is something you want to do so you can do it together. it does sound like a good idea to find a replacement for drinking too like the dancing mentioned. or also some type of craft. you can also learn a musical instrument like flute or piano. don't bindge drink anymore either.

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by venom0706

I am 21 years old. (edited)
I wanted to reduce my beer drinking, because it sometimes makes me feel aggressive and I don't want to cause any unreasonable harm to any of the people I care. (edited)
The second thing I want to reduce once I deal with cutting down the drinking days is the amount I drink - I usually have about 2-3 660ml bottles of beer the nights I drink. This, I guess, is a bit too much...

Could you possibly recommend me a solution to this, or at least an advice how not to get aggressive when I drink? Can I limit myself to drinking less beer, or it will be always an issue and I COMPLETELY have to stop drinking? Thank you and much appreciated.

You can try the moderation management approach or harm reduction, but if you don't reach your target within a few weeks, you may need to be abstinent for a few months and then try reintroducing it gradually. It also helps to have your partner in agreement with your goals.
If after making a good effort at reaching your stated goals, you are successful, then congrats; if you aren't successful, then you will need to ask yourself some difficult questions about how important it is for you to drink at all. Another question that comes to mind is your family history: have other family members/relatives had alcohol or drug problems in their pasts? That may clue you into the fact that you might be predisposed to developing your own problems. Best of luck and all of the other suggestions are great.