My family has recently become concerned that I may be becoming an alcoholic. After doing a bit of research, I see that they could be somewhat right. Maybe I have already gone too far to be able to touch alcohol ever again. I'm not sure. Maybe I haven't crossed over that far into true addiction. In either case, I am taking a month where I will not drink at all. I'm wondering if people think that I should simply say that I am a person who can never touch a drop of alcohol again or if I could drink responsibly.

I am an autistic man and have been very deeply depressed and self hating about my condition for many years. My mother was aware of my autism and kept me quite sheltered. I had no access to drugs or alcohol growing up. My parents both drank. My father would typically have a few beers after coming home from work, but he seems to be able to abstain from it. It also hasn't caused him any problems.

Then, as a teenager, I became interested in experimenting with alcohol and drugs. I wanted to experience being "messed up". Then, one evening when I was 17, I drank 3 shots of gin from my Dad's liquor cabinet. I felt a strong buzz, but I was able to maintain control. I didn't endanger myself, but naturally alcohol felt quite powerful and alluring to me. I continued drinking my parents liquor when they weren't around. I would do this about four times a week, but I never drank more than 3-5 drinks in one sitting. I also began experimenting with marijuana at this time. I really enjoyed this greatly. My highs were always very insightful and introspective, in addition to being extremely fun

Then, as I got a bit older, I experimented with larger amounts of alcohol 6-7 drinks in one sitting. I started only doing this once a week. My parents found out I was drinking the boxed wine around this time and I had no more access to alcohol.

Then, I went away to college. The first parties I went to, I would get drunk a few times a week. At first, I drank about the same amount I would when I was home. Then, I increased it to drinking 8-12 beers/shots each night I went out. This was often around twice a week. I also became very enthralled by pot and used it all day long about 3-4 days out of the week. As time went on, this pattern became accompanied by roughly weekly to biweekly use of mushrooms, acid, and other hallucinogens. This only lasted for one semester, because I had a very difficult and scary trip on acid once.

After turning 21, I no longer used drugs. Occasionally, I used cannabis, but mostly just alcohol. I would drink about 7 beers in a night on around four nights of the week. This would be the case even if I was alone. If I was alone, I'd kind of pace myself to some extent to avoid getting sloppy most of the time. I still went to a party or two each week and in these settings would consume upwards of 18 beers in a single night. As time went on, I got a job in the college town. Every payday, I would go get absolutely smashed starting at 1-3 in the afternoon at a local bar. One occasion that comes to mind was the time that I drank 6-7 beers at the bar in the afternoon and then drank half a fifth of whiskey during the course of the day and evening. I was walking around town with the bottle in my backpack, sneakily drinking it and offering it to people I hung out with on campus. Since I didn't necessarily have anyone to go with, I just sat there and got drank large amounts by myself sometimes. I stayed the summer. I began going out and drinking to bars where I spent everything I made. Sometimes, I even had to ask my parents for money despite having far more than enough to cover my expenses. If I wasn't able to buy beer, I would get kind of bummed out about it.

Alcohol has also begun to effect me differently from the way it did before. It sometimes has had a way of making me get belligerent about things people said in the past or get depressed about stuff. This hasn't been true lately though. It often seems that it has less of an effect on me than it did before. Nowadays, it seems like alcohol's effects tend to be quite subtle until I get utterly smashed. There seems to be such a minimal in-between. It used to be like I'd have 2 and feel it clearly. Sometimes, I could even feel 1. Now that sometimes isn't the case even with 2. Sometimes, even 3 or 4 doesn't do much. In the past 4 would get me pretty heavily buzzed/a bit drunk. Now, it often does very little. Five or six used to get me feeling quite drunk even though I'd usually be able to act normal. Now, that amount could feel pretty minor. I live with my parents now and they usually stop me from drinking more than 2 in a night, because they are seeing that maybe I have a problem. I have often looked for ways to get more though.

[avlady]

you are a pretty serious drinker and drug user. i would go to get help somewhere AA meetings or detox in a place where you can detox. it does sound bad, you do need help and soon

[Mygrandjourney]

You can get a professional assessment and then go from there based on the evaluator's recommendations. At this point, it would be your choice regarding what you do about your drinking/other abuse. That is the best starting point; if it goes any further, the capacity for making independent decisions gradually gets removed as outside forces direct you into action you may not be ready for. Best of luck and keep us posted.

I've taken some time off from drinking and I have to say I feel much better. I don't crave it like I used to. I've drank a couple of times, but I don't feel cravings for it like before. I've certainly come a long way from scrounging up change in my couch cushions to be a 24 oz. steel reserve

I stopped drinking regularly. I still drink on occasion, but not every night. I'm limiting myself to once a week or so, and I feel much better. I don't crave it much these days. I have certainly come a real long from scrounging up change to buy a tall boy of steel reserve

[Moogieotter]

Great. Did you make it a full month without?

moogs

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

Great. Did you make it a full month without?

moogs

Not done with the month yet, but I've drank only rarely during this month.

[Mygrandjourney]

Congratulations on your efforts and success.

[clueless24]

Originally Posted by Steve223

Not done with the month yet, but I've drank only rarely during this month.

Wonderful!

My brother has a drinking problem too, but rarely does he ever plan to have a drink, the problem with him is that he has too many friends who coerce him into having another drink. "one more drink", and he finds it hard to say no. I think it's best to avoid such "friends".

[LifeGetsBetter]

For an alcoholic, there is no such thing as having "just one drink" or "just two drinks".
We alcoholics can not control our drinking. Our drinking controls us.
Best of luck. Stay in touch.

[jwmann2]

Originally Posted by Steve223

My family has recently become concerned that I may be becoming an alcoholic. After doing a bit of research, I see that they could be somewhat right. Maybe I have already gone too far to be able to touch alcohol ever again. I'm not sure. Maybe I haven't crossed over that far into true addiction. In either case, I am taking a month where I will not drink at all. I'm wondering if people think that I should simply say that I am a person who can never touch a drop of alcohol again or if I could drink responsibly.

I am an autistic man and have been very deeply depressed and self hating about my condition for many years. My mother was aware of my autism and kept me quite sheltered. I had no access to drugs or alcohol growing up. My parents both drank. My father would typically have a few beers after coming home from work, but he seems to be able to abstain from it. It also hasn't caused him any problems.

Then, as a teenager, I became interested in experimenting with alcohol and drugs. I wanted to experience being "messed up". Then, one evening when I was 17, I drank 3 shots of gin from my Dad's liquor cabinet. I felt a strong buzz, but I was able to maintain control. I didn't endanger myself, but naturally alcohol felt quite powerful and alluring to me. I continued drinking my parents liquor when they weren't around. I would do this about four times a week, but I never drank more than 3-5 drinks in one sitting. I also began experimenting with marijuana at this time. I really enjoyed this greatly. My highs were always very insightful and introspective, in addition to being extremely fun

Then, as I got a bit older, I experimented with larger amounts of alcohol 6-7 drinks in one sitting. I started only doing this once a week. My parents found out I was drinking the boxed wine around this time and I had no more access to alcohol.

Then, I went away to college. The first parties I went to, I would get drunk a few times a week. At first, I drank about the same amount I would when I was home. Then, I increased it to drinking 8-12 beers/shots each night I went out. This was often around twice a week. I also became very enthralled by pot and used it all day long about 3-4 days out of the week. As time went on, this pattern became accompanied by roughly weekly to biweekly use of mushrooms, acid, and other hallucinogens. This only lasted for one semester, because I had a very difficult and scary trip on acid once.

After turning 21, I no longer used drugs. Occasionally, I used cannabis, but mostly just alcohol. I would drink about 7 beers in a night on around four nights of the week. This would be the case even if I was alone. If I was alone, I'd kind of pace myself to some extent to avoid getting sloppy most of the time. I still went to a party or two each week and in these settings would consume upwards of 18 beers in a single night. As time went on, I got a job in the college town. Every payday, I would go get absolutely smashed starting at 1-3 in the afternoon at a local bar. One occasion that comes to mind was the time that I drank 6-7 beers at the bar in the afternoon and then drank half a fifth of whiskey during the course of the day and evening. I was walking around town with the bottle in my backpack, sneakily drinking it and offering it to people I hung out with on campus. Since I didn't necessarily have anyone to go with, I just sat there and got drank large amounts by myself sometimes. I stayed the summer. I began going out and drinking to bars where I spent everything I made. Sometimes, I even had to ask my parents for money despite having far more than enough to cover my expenses. If I wasn't able to buy beer, I would get kind of bummed out about it.

Alcohol has also begun to effect me differently from the way it did before. It sometimes has had a way of making me get belligerent about things people said in the past or get depressed about stuff. This hasn't been true lately though. It often seems that it has less of an effect on me than it did before. Nowadays, it seems like alcohol's effects tend to be quite subtle until I get utterly smashed. There seems to be such a minimal in-between. It used to be like I'd have 2 and feel it clearly. Sometimes, I could even feel 1. Now that sometimes isn't the case even with 2. Sometimes, even 3 or 4 doesn't do much. In the past 4 would get me pretty heavily buzzed/a bit drunk. Now, it often does very little. Five or six used to get me feeling quite drunk even though I'd usually be able to act normal. Now, that amount could feel pretty minor. I live with my parents now and they usually stop me from drinking more than 2 in a night, because they are seeing that maybe I have a problem. I have often looked for ways to get more though.

If your body shows signs of withdrawl when you don't drink or use drugs then you are an addict. If not, you are just a regular user and need to stop before it gets worse. My prayers are with you. You've already solved the first step which is admitting that you have a problem.

[LifeGetsBetter]

Steve223,
Normal drinkers don't wonder of they have a problem with alcohol and don't need to ask if they should continue to drink. When alcohol creates problems in our lives, it means we have a problem with alcohol. We may have reached the stage where we can no longer control our drinking and our drinking is controlling us. I'm saying this as a recovering alcoholic of 13 years. Best wishes to you.

I have to say that I am somewhat surprised about this in a way, but I have cut back significantly and I am still doing well. I still drink pretty regularly, but I have lessened it a lot and don't seem to be having these problems. My family has also noticed that I seem to be able to regulate myself with it, and I no longer feel the need to drink extreme amounts like I was describing. In fact, my tolerance has returned back to "normal". I think part of it was that my friends are able to drink really, really a lot pretty easily, and I went out with them 3-4x a week. Not only that, but they were always egging me on to "keep up" with them. They're great people and everything, but I feel like I was allowing them to definitely have a negative influence on my drinking habits.

Originally Posted by LifeGetsBetter

For an alcoholic, there is no such thing as having "just one drink" or "just two drinks".
We alcoholics can not control our drinking. Our drinking controls us.
Best of luck. Stay in touch.

It's a delusion we tell ourselves to rationalize still drinking. It'll gain momentum as the resolves fades. Usually does.

[DeeAnnaD1913]

I have to agree with AlwaysChanging2. Even up to a couple weeks ago, I didn't think I would stop drinking after getting clean from pills,etc. as my mind has become more clear, I realize that drinking anything will only make me more susceptible to getting really drunk and most likely getting high: I am an addict and I do everything in excess. There is no gray area for an addict. We are all or nothing type people. It's a slippery slope, so just be careful! Xoxo

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