[AngstyLady]

I'm older than my mom was when she had me, I'm the youngest in my family.
On of my older brothers is married with young children, at least my oldest brother has a younger (smarter) wife.
I remember thinking to myself my senior year I should never drink or do drugs especially because it would mess my life up.
Perhaps that was wisdom from beyond I never adhered to-
They say Weed isnt addictive- for me it was- it made me happy- gave me a false sense of security-
I didn't realize what time I was wasting-
never pursuing my dreams-
I should've been a teacher-
People say how good I am with kids-
Even older young adults now-
and I can't just live somewhere comfortably and teach and raise a family-
I should've started a family like five years ago.
Or should I have?
So much pressure to have kids as a woman.
You'd think your life isnt complete without em'
At this point if I had kids I would be 42 when they are 20 years old.
I guess that sort of thing should'nt matter, but I keep thinking about it-
at this point I don't think I'll start a family for another few years . ..
but then again-
that's not all I want in life-
just being a mom
finding what you want in life is so frustrating-
I wish I could go back ten years and start over somehow. . .
and I wish I met my current bf like 6 years ago . . .
just feeling so old and a loser.
I hate this world sometimes and most of the people in it.
All the pressure and stupid popular notions and ignorant popularized lifestyles
that's so focused on money and no integrity whatsoever.
That's part of the reason I never
'pushed myself'
I don't like the world and wish I could just go live somewhere else away from most people . . .. .
I sorta liked the idea of being a nomadic person-
I used to be a stoner,
a wanderer-
living simply-
I always have had an aversion to jewelry and fancy items-
always have an innate feeling I need to live modestly and be more one with nature- most people are anything but being about that sort of thing today-
anyways, enough rambling, gotta run now. . .

It's never too late to make a change. I'll be honest. I was in the same boat as you are at the same age. I spent my days sitting alone in my house after work, smoking weed and playing xbox, simply because i was so depressed it was the only thing that made me feel whole. I'm 25, going on 26, only been married a year. No kids, but just now one on the way. I don't think of it in terms as how old I will be when that child is grown, i think of it in terms of what I overcame to get to where I am now. I think of it in terms of the life i have now and the one I'm no looking back on.

I guess my point is i know what it feels like. I really do. And its never too late. You can do anything you want. You havent wasted your life. Your life is just beginning.

[Mygrandjourney]

I really appreciate this. I spent 15 years of my life essentially making no real progress and in stasis due to my fantasies about pot. There were no "emergencies" or "crises", but consider the amount of time we have to live our lives and the amount of time we spend feeding our addictions, even if we can call ourselves "functional" in other areas! To me this is the real tragedy.