[scar12346]

But I am willing to try again.
(Warning, might contain some humour and sarcasm against myself, therefore might be upsetting for some people.)
Sooo I am huge on designer drugs and mixing them with alcohol. Seriously, that's what I am known of! Like people would actually call me up to get me to test ****, not proud that I am giving my life away, but it's free, almost safe (not really) and most of the times I have, had, fun. Well yeah but my drug dealer, also my best friend (what a convenience ain't it?) told me in the beginning of the week (known to most as Monday) that "If you continue living like this I will start digging your grave" and stopped everything. Well I was fine.. for the first 1 hour and then I realized that I basically lost the only happy thing in my life.. and I went though a lecture about drugs and well that thought me that well abstinence will be a bigger ***** then my ex. So I went through the week (I would usually drink 5 pills each day, every day) without ANY drugs (except my vitamins and towards the end of the week some kind of an anti-depressant that helps with whatever to .. yeah.. you get me! I didn't but them to feed on but to stop.. I am loosing my words..) and well a little nit of myself died. A huge chunk of myself died. I couldn't sleep, I was exhausted, I started my period early, I am being a ***** to like everyone, and each time I move my head it hurts to a point where everything goes blurry (and that is a huge **** ton of pain). And right now as I am writing this.. I broke the 5 days. I surely am not proud of myself but I am happy so yay for me!
All jokes and failures aside. I would definitely do this again. I would go through this ****** pain just so I can get better. So to anyone who really doesn't want to go through abstinence, like I did, it's worth it. It is very much worth it. I'm definitely not proud of what I did with my life. Hell I hate myself for doing so, especially at such young age. I've always said that you can intake whatever you want, it's your life, live freely, be yourself. But I took it to the point where if I walk into the hospital they would know it would be for :suicide attempt, drug abuse, alcohol abuse. They know my name and everything by now xD
So once again: You can ****ing do it!

It is a matter of looking and living in the moment as this is your new reality and accepting it minute by minute. The newness once again will wear off and it will become first nature for you... hang in there, and yes you can do it! tc