[Refuse2Sink]

For the first time in 15 years, I really think that I am recovering from addiction. As many of you know, I relapsed a few months ago while I was on vacation. I had been clean for 9 months before this happened. I am actually happy that it happened, as crazy as that may sound, because I learned a few things...

First of all; I learned that even though my Dad loves me, he just does not understand that I can't sit around and drink a couple of drinks with him and watch him pop pain pills and chew on a fentanyl patch...He is an addict also, so one would think that he would understand. I think he is so caught up in his own BS, that he wasn't even thinking about how that made me feel. It made me so anxious that I actually had a panic attack, which led to me downing some whiskey, which led to me relapsing on some pills.

The next day, I was pretty depressed. I just felt like I had undone everything that I had worked so hard for the previous nine months. That was not true, though. I decided to make sure that this bump in the road was NOT going to be a continuous screw up. After doing some hardcore thinking about what happened, a calmness came over me and I had a small epiphany...See, I view my recovery differently than most people...I feel that this happened for a reason; it happened to make me realize that I absolutely cannot spend time with people that are using (even my Dad) at this point in my recovery. I realized that I need to stay in my little nest of safety that I have created at my home. Outside world stressors are just too much at this stage of the game.

I came home from this experience knowing that I am strong. I knew I screwed up, decided to come back to my zen at home, and left the BS at my Dad's house. I actually decided that from that day forward, I am done with alcohol as well. It took this happening for me to realize that Alcohol has been a serious gateway to drugs and in order to protect my sobriety, I have to stay away from booze too. And its been a few months with no alcohol, no drugs and I feel better than I ever did before this happened.

i hope this article will help my friends in the addiction forums to realize that when we backslide, its not always failure...a lot of the time we are learning things and realizing things that are helping us get to where we need to be.
Never give up, keep an open mind, and sobriety will find its way into your life when the time is right.

Much Love... -D-

[Moogieotter]

(((Hugs)))

I'm glad you're on your way to lasting recovery!

moogs

[Refuse2Sink]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

(((Hugs)))

I'm glad you're on your way to lasting recovery!

moogs

Thank you its amazing what we go through while we are going through recovery. The only way someone can truly understand is if they have also gotten clean. Everyday for the last ten months has been a roller coaster of emotions...dealing with pain that I numbed myself to, learning to love myself and forgive myself, and enjoying FEELING again. It's a pretty gnarly experience.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Great post, thanks!

[Refuse2Sink]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Great post, thanks!

Thank you and You're welcome.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Refuse2Sink

For the first time in 15 years, I really think that I am recovering from addiction. As many of you know, I relapsed a few months ago while I was on vacation. I had been clean for 9 months before this happened. I am actually happy that it happened, as crazy as that may sound, because I learned a few things...


First of all; I learned that even though my Dad loves me, he just does not understand that I can't sit around and drink a couple of drinks with him and watch him pop pain pills and chew on a fentanyl patch...He is an addict also, so one would think that he would understand. I think he is so caught up in his own BS, that he wasn't even thinking about how that made me feel. It made me so anxious that I actually had a panic attack, which led to me downing some whiskey, which led to me relapsing on some pills.


The next day, I was pretty depressed. I just felt like I had undone everything that I had worked so hard for the previous nine months. That was not true, though. I decided to make sure that this bump in the road was NOT going to be a continuous screw up. After doing some hardcore thinking about what happened, a calmness came over me and I had a small epiphany...See, I view my recovery differently than most people...I feel that this happened for a reason; it happened to make me realize that I absolutely cannot spend time with people that are using (even my Dad) at this point in my recovery. I realized that I need to stay in my little nest of safety that I have created at my home. Outside world stressors are just too much at this stage of the game.


I came home from this experience knowing that I am strong. I knew I screwed up, decided to come back to my zen at home, and left the BS at my Dad's house. I actually decided that from that day forward, I am done with alcohol as well. It took this happening for me to realize that Alcohol has been a serious gateway to drugs and in order to protect my sobriety, I have to stay away from booze too. And its been a few months with no alcohol, no drugs and I feel better than I ever did before this happened.


i hope this article will help my friends in the addiction forums to realize that when we backslide, its not always failure...a lot of the time we are learning things and realizing things that are helping us get to where we need to be.

Never give up, keep an open mind, and sobriety will find its way into your life when the time is right.


Much Love... -D-

Thank you for this. I've also been slipping up with alcohol as I'm trying to ease the anxiety of my other issue. Then I drink and just want more of my "other issue". Good thing my bf is holding for me. I could tear up the house to find it for sure but I know I would hate myself for it. So I'll be good and sit on my couch lol. I feel like a zombie. Once the illness kicks in I'll be a monster lol. Or cindarella. Clock strikes 12 and I'm screwed lol. I hope I become where you are with this some day. I'll be a lot stronger. You're slip up opened your eyes and you turned it into a positive thing! And good for you! Stay on that wagon and recognize your gateways and stay away. Like a child that touches a hot stove. You got this!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Refuse2Sink]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

Thank you for this. I've also been slipping up with alcohol as I'm trying to ease the anxiety of my other issue. Then I drink and just want more of my "other issue". Good thing my bf is holding for me. I could tear up the house to find it for sure but I know I would hate myself for it. So I'll be good and sit on my couch lol. I feel like a zombie. Once the illness kicks in I'll be a monster lol. Or cindarella. Clock strikes 12 and I'm screwed lol. I hope I become where you are with this some day. I'll be a lot stronger. You're slip up opened your eyes and you turned it into a positive thing! And good for you! Stay on that wagon and recognize your gateways and stay away. Like a child that touches a hot stove. You got this!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you so much for saying that I am strong. Coming from someone that used to be the weakest blob of self pity and self hate, that means a lot. One year ago, I was struggling to even get out of bed in the morning, still abusing my suboxone and klonopin.

My point is, you may feel like this thing is impossible to beat right now but if you keep working harder and harder; just taking it one minute, one hour, one day at time, it will be another year and you may be where I am at now or some place even better in your life. Don't ever give up on yourself! ❤️

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[splitimage]

Thanks for posting this thread and sharing your experiences Refuse2Sink. It gives me a lot of hope to know that someone else has been working on recovery for a long time.

I first sought help for my alcohol abuse 11 years ago and have had varying degrees of success with sobriety over the years, but nothing long term, and the last 18 months have been particularly rocky.

I'm only on day 29 from my last relapse and it's hard. But something's changed. I feel for the first time like I really want sobriety, as opposed to doing it because I know it's something that I should be doing.

splitimage