[kala83]

in a turn of very very ugly events between me and my now ex fiance I have moved back in with my mother.

I admit now that most of the fault of the break up was mine since it involved me cheating on him...which I do feel horribly about a lot of it lead up from mis communication on both of our parts since I am poly and he is not and thing lead to a bad direction with a new partner I had gotten to know for quite some time.

I don't justify how I went about with things and I know a lot of my issues were not handled in a good way.
which is why I am making efforts now in my life to change a lot of things.

from all the items that were packed up and given back to me I have noticed what a horrible amount of things I have accumulated in just a short time. And I feel disperate to get rid of these items and lesson how much I really truly have.
what do I use? what do I not? do I need this really?

I feel like viewing things in this way is a healthy start for me and already a lot of my bad behavior in other aspects of my life are starting to improve. The one thing that does not help me is the fact that I am living again with my mother and instead of allowing me throw away or donate what I want she insist on going through bags I have already sorted through and said I don't want and I don't need.

I am going to move forward in my life and make improvements with or with out her help I know I have to do and I refuse to just allow my issues to hold me back. Admiting to my wrong doing is a big and scary step for me but I know that I have to do it....to help myself go forward wither its about the relationship or my PTSD or my hoarding habits that I think are clearly helped along by my mother and her influences.

[Skeezyks]

Congratulations on your progress-to-date as well as your determination to keep moving forward, kala!

[kala83]

its slow progress and I am still dealing with a lot of guilt and negative self talk on myself for a lot of things.
the hoarding the cheating, a lot but...I know that where my life is right now its there for a reason. I was not the only one that was at fault for what ended up happening in my circumstances and I am moving forward as best I can.
even if it feels like half a baby step at a time.