Has to be too good to be true-alcohol

this could be a trigger post because I am believing something that is happening to me could possibly be true.

I have been in such bad health..so many times over the years due to alcohol.
I had a period of sobriety for 8 years.

BUT..3 years ago..I started drinking again...and very quickly began killing myself. And had so much trouble stopping again.

About 2.5 months ago...I stopped I thought for good again...I felt great...strong..confident...since starting "Zoloft".

My whole life I have basically been on Citalopram.

But Zoloft has changed me..my sleeping is better..my moods are better..my anxiety and panic are better....(not gone..better)...

My son was attending a wedding Sunday of my x-family of 22 years...and that depressed me that I no longer knew the people I grew up with and had kids with and wasn't invited to wedding (rightfully so)...our family dynamic would have overpowered the wedding.

Felt sorry for myself..went and got some beer...drank 7....
Typically if I drink 7..I beat myself up the next day feel crappy..drink again the next morning.

This time..I slept very late (like a normal person that drinks too much alcohol?)..I felt pretty ok all day....I didn't drink.

4 days go by...last night comes...bad/awful day with b/f...and I decide I'm going to drink...I only had FOUR beers..that never happens to me...and I woke up this morning as if it was a regular day...same shower schedule...got things done...etc.

I feel like the Zoloft has made me even to a more average persons level of drinking where I couldn't do that before....OR I AM FOOLING MYSELF...and its going to get bad again. I am not drinking today.

It didn't help that over last weekend an old friend at work that I worked with for 15 years...died at 49....so I was thinking WTF...you really only live once and I want just a "couple" beers.

IMHO, you are on a slippery slope. You may not ascribe to the 12-step/AA model, but it has been said that this disease is "cunning, baffling, and powerful". Please be careful.