Daily addictions check in #[two]

Great job!

A third of a year!!! Way to go!!!

For decades I have been aiming for 63.5, which would be a little over 4.5 years from now. The logic behind that was using the COBRA bridge to Medicare. In the US, companies are required to give you the option to stay on their insurance for 18 months at full cost (the company doesn't pay any share of it, which most companies do while you are employed). That law is call COBRA (stands for something). Obamacare was going to throw a wrinkle in and still may. Even if it gets replaced, some popular parts of it are likely here to stay like being able to keep kids on your insurance until age 26. I will still have kids eligible when I am 63.5. Insurance costs were not excessive when I made that plan. This could affect things.

Yet another point of contention at home is caused by my wife rethinking what size home we should have and where it should be. If we were still thinking about downsizing into a single place near the beach, we could sell our house and buy the smaller place outright with the equity. But that isn't her plan anymore and she thinks we need more money than we had always agreed was enough. I have run numbers and if we ended up separating/divorcing over the disagreement I could retire the way I am happy to live on less than half the pie plus my SS.

The average age of retirement in the US is 63 and 60% retire earlier than planned due to health (theirs or spouse they become caregiver for) or unemployment and lack of job prospects. I am already not performing at as high a level as I used to. If my position isn't funded (not unlikely in the next couple of years) I would probably look at jobs that were a little less demanding. I make way over market for my job, so taking a less demanding job at market value would be a huge pay cut.

I think it is almost a given at this point that I will finish out that year when I am 63 and retire at 64 or maybe even 65. I would likely scale back how much I worked if it goes past 64.

I'm so sorry about your father's last years...what a terrible thing to go through! You're so right about the fact that you can't get sober for other people! People can die, disappoint, leave, etc. You've got to have the kind of strength & passion for sobriety you demonstrated after your father's passing. It's a miracle that you were able to stay on the beam after such a horrible experience! Thanks for sharing your personal experience. I'm sure recounting those years wasn't easy.

It should give you some perspective on your old habit when tobacco is a healthier alternative. I hope you kick that also at some point but right now, whatever it takes to help keep you from getting caught up in meth is probably reasonable.

Yeah, I want to quit tobacco too but one thing at a time, and I'm really finding the yetti's are helpful to my situation lol

Earlier in the thread I mentioned that I need a different "escape plan" for when I get depressed (I would drink/use for a break from it) so I don't get tempted. So I get what you mean. I need to come up with something that isn't drinking or drugs, like fishing or playing blues very badly on my keyboard. Maybe I should get back into meditation or learn Tai Chi. You might think about activities that you feel really good about that can fill the void when you step away from a vice.

Congratulations Updownaround on your 4 months. That's awesome - keep up the good work.

splitimage

I should have ignored the Marijuana thread over in bipolar. Reading/posting in that stirs up the longing for pot. I haven't smoked any in over 25 years and I still have the itch.

Thanks for the message, greentires! IMO, there's a big difference between sobriety & recovery...I'm not sure if that's what the message intended to communicate, but that was definitely the case with me. I got "sober" many times after doing embarrassing crap while blacked out, being given ultimatums by my ex-wife or employers, suicide attempts while stupid drunk, etc. Having realized the consequences of your drinking, it's easy to stay sober for a while. They call that being on the "pink cloud" - when you're feeling better & think you have the bull by the horns. The "pink cloud" disappears after a while; the alcoholism/substance abuse is a disease one will fight every day (& often fail at it) if you don't seek "recovery."

Recovery is something far different than sobriety, IMO. Recovery means making lifestyle changes, seeking help outside your own head (be it with groups, therapy, books, etc), & not allowing yourself to forget what led you to stop in the first place. Sooner or later, that "pink cloud" will go POOF! Unless you have something to remind you of the consequences of using...to remind you of the things that led you to stay sober for a while, you're destined to repeat the whole process of indignation again. At least that was my experience...Relying on a "pink cloud" is a dangerous thing.

I have this so called friend that smokes pot every single day up to 4-5joints a day about ounce a month. He says it's for medical reasons but he doesn't get it from a dispensary he gets it from a dealer. I stopped smoking because legitimately I couldn't handle it anymore also because I didn't need it no longer to smoke it! But I eat the edibles once every so often...just not right now though.

Anyway he shared his germs with me I was taking care of him while he was sick and I got sick!

Everyday I have to fight with others to tell them I am on the wagon when they do bluntly hand me a bottle of wiser's last night and tell me to stop ruining the party! I tell them only person who continues to ruin the party is them spraying booze on me last time or now telling me I am a party pooper! Wait just wait I say until you have the worst hangover the next day I guarantee that your tomorrow definitely will have one this time!

I am sick of the arrogance, I am sick of the ignorance and especially sick of the disrespect parties that seem to think "that I am ruining there party"!

congrats thats huge

I like the fact that all I have to do is stay sober today. Tomorrow will take care of it self or it may never come but I can stay sober for one day.

My longing for it has ticked up a notch from recent discussions. I live in a state that is likely to be among the last holdouts even for medical, so I am not concerned about it turning into an urge. When it gets here or I am somewhere it is legal, I will almost certainly do a little experimenting to scratch that nostalgic itch. Just being honest. Hopefully it will be from traveling to somewhere it is legal so I can try it and then see how I feel about it when I get home and it isn't available again.

I don't smoke & I wouldn't...It's essentially legal here. There's a part of me, however, that sometimes thinks, "Hey! You can't get a blackout from smoking & it never really got you in trouble!" Thinking back, though, I never wanted to come down once I got "up there." It became a habit. Since I have an addictive personality to just about anything, it wouldn't be wise for me. YMMV, however.

I read an article in the Toronto Star, that residents on one downtown neighbourhood were annoyed after getting flyers for a pot home delivery service. offering several different varieties to choose from. Yikes, and it's not even legal yet. I'm really worried about when it does become legal next July. I know I'm going to be tempted to try it, but yikes, I know the risk of addiction is too high.
splitimage

That's what it says

If I get the chance, I would probably try an edible first. I wouldn't want to invest in any equipment (pipe/bong) to smoke it and it has been so long since I smoked anything (tried salvia about 10 years ago and only had a few hits) that I would probably hack up a lung. I share the concern that I could end up abusing it again but I know I will obsess about it when it is available to me so I know I will at least try it for old time's sake. Like I said, I hope it is somewhere I visit so it becomes unavailable again and I can think about it unclouded.

The time keeps rollin' on, greentires! Congrats!

A friend of mine (I hate the concept of sponsor/sponsee) went back out drinking last weekend at a homecoming football game. He stopped going to AA meetings when I got depressed & was isolating; before that he was going almost every day. Early in sobriety I think it's a good idea to stay away from "wet places" without "dry friends" being with you. Having been sober for quite a few 24 hours, being around drinking doesn't really bother me...but as greentires - who also has a few years of sobriety under her belt - pointed out, being around drunks (especially those who try to get YOU to drink) is a real downer & an eye-opener ("I used to get that stupid?"). I somehow feel responsible for the fact that my AA friend went back out drinking, despite the fact I know it was his mistake. He told me that although he feels horribly guilty about losing the string of sobriety he had, he liked the feeling of being drunk. I told him something along the lines of, "Duh!" We're alcoholics for a reason. We may like the effect, but it's the consequences that'll kick your arse back into sensibility. Forgetting the consequences of drinking is dangerous territory!

Emgreen, thee consequences are definitely what I try to remember. For me, my mental health goes downhill fast if I use.

One thing that I do when I'm having a hard time, and I know not everyone can do this, is remind myself exactly how far it can go. At the church I grew up in, there is a lady that has korsakov's (wet brain). Any time I go to church with my mom, thus woman attaches to me for some reason. We are both smokers, and I never go into the sanctuary. I sit in the foyer and drink coffee mostly. She goes to the early service, so if I am there, she stays around me during thed late service. It is a stark reminder of what can happen if we continue to drink or use. Sometimes death isn't the worst bottom out there.

I wish I had the discipline you all write about...or maybe it’s the desire. I’m probably missing both.

Well stated. Over time, I think I start to downplay how significant the consequences were and think I can mitigate them going forward. There are some I don't even think about as consequences unless I really look closely at how it affected me. My drinking picked up considerably last winter until I stopped in mid Summer. I picked up 30 pounds during that period. Coincidence? I seriously doubt it. After sneaking my night time alcohol, I would often slip down to the kitchen and make nachos or cheese toast in the toaster oven (avoiding the beeping of the microwave or full size oven). The last couple of months I have been losing it like a mad man. I am already back where I was last winter and committed to going further. I would not do this while drinking. There are other indirect consequences like that; I did less reading, less hobby work and got less exercise. It affects mental and physical health in ways you don't realize at first.

I've known I needed to get sober for 13 y eards. I started trying 12 years ago. I currently have 4.5 months sober. I've had longer in the past... the main thing is that I have kept trying. I haven't given up completely. I've given up for periods of time. Chosen to drink or use. Made thed conscious choice. Actually told my sponsor at a meeting once that I was stopping at the store on the way home, that I just wasn't done yet.

You will get there. You may not be there yet, but as long as you don't give up completely, on yourself, you can get there.