Daily addictions check in #[two]

I am a marijuana enthusiast �� I have been high for my whole 2 days of sobriety.

Enthusiast? I used to be long ago and have mostly good memories from smoking pot. Good enough that I wax nostalgic about it sometimes and lament that it isn't legal where I am yet, not even medically (I could walk in with my lumbar MRI and walk out with a card). When it gets legal or I am somewhere that it is, I am likely to imbibe for old times sake and see whether or not I get drawn in too far by it. I kind of hope it is somewhere I visit and then come home with no access so I can assess how I feel. If I am scheming about how to get it, that would be a bad sign. Right now I have a longing.

I think I'm gonna join the thread. Since today Im considering quiting smoking.
I don't really need a nicotine and I don't smoke when I'm alone. I'm just so used to smoke at work, school, it's way easier to talk to people while smoking, there is no awkward silence. It holds the **** together.
So far I'm wondering what to replace it with.

There is a smoking sub forum where you will find more people going through the same thing. Most of us in this thread are dealing with alcohol and/or drugs.

I would say I would rather hear that you are doing that than hear that you are doing meth. The potential for long term harm occurring from short term use is very high with meth and I absolutely agree that quitting meth should be your first priority. If you can handle stepping away from everything, I am all for that. But if you can't and you have to pick something to quit first, quitting meth is vitally important.

EMGreen is looking out for some of us who can be triggered by weed talk. I am one; I am not going to do anything about the longing unless it is legal. I gave up illegal drugs because I had, and still have, a career and a family. There is too much at stake to risk an arrest that could cost me my job, a lot of money and possibly my freedom just to get high.

I had a problem with alcohol. I had a problem with prescribed stimulants and opioids. There is a reasonable chance that a weed experiment is going to be another problem in the making. Addictive behavior is my problem, not alcohol, not adderall, not codeine/hydrocodone. But knowing this, I still want to test the waters with weed when I get a chance to legally. Yes, I know how stupid that sounds.

Finished lunch, chicken and sausage gumbo and slaw. yum!
Having a friend coming over to help with paper work, thankful for her. (She just got here).
Need to come up with a halloween costume tonight for the party we are going to this evening. It is after the ULL orchestral concert. Every one will be in costume at the party. Fun!
Doing a load of scrubs, have to baby sit them as they wrinkle real easily and I refuse to iron them.
I am dressed in all black so far....need to come up with something.
bizi

Looking forward to getting back to rehab tomorrow, as we had last week off. It was just as well though that sessions were cancelled, as I got a horrible sinus infection, that kept me in bed all week. Only plus was I was too sick to want to drink.

Going to spend today, once again nursing my cold, and not doing anything too strenuous.

splitimage

Same old same old is sober now so nothing exciting is a good thing. I and one of my kids did have a very positive experience at a college open house yesterday; probably pretty settled on where my money (and kid) will go next year assuming no hiccup in admissions. In state, which is reasonable here, and 90 minutes away. Another same age sibling is also likely to be in state but 3 hours away. I have triplets. The other wants to take a gap year. I would appreciate that but I am concerned it will be much more than a year. I am encouraging one of the trade tracks at the community college instead of a gap. I've done quite well on a trade school education, so I think highly of that option for people who aren't interested in college.

Wow! Triplets!
You have had your hands full!!!!!
bizi

My hands are full and my wallet is empty. Hard to believe they are graduating high school. It's like the old adage says - the days were long but the years were short.

I walked out of a situation where my girlfriend brought people with drugs into the apartment today. Just went to my friend's house and asked to know when they were gone

good for you jess!
bizi

Thanks I even stood up for myself and said I was trying to be more of a pot head and less of whatever I was, even though saying no is really hard right now. I want better for me and my girlfriend.

It's nice to see you express the desire for things to be better. Realizing not using is better and stating it is big.

Jesslyn,

It's good you removed yourself to a safe location to get away from the drugs.

I thought you said earlier in one of your posts that your girlfriend doesn't want you using, or at least not using the hardcore stuff. If that's true, could you ask her to not bring friends with drugs over, because that would be more supportive of your desire to quit.

splitimage

I hope you enjoy your week of sessions & that your sinus infection is on the mend, splitimage.

Jess, I'm sorry I went off on you a few days ago. I just lost it because you were high while writing in a clean & sober space - & letting us know about it. Everyone is free to make whatever decisions they want (& it sounds like you're making some good ones). Anyways, I'm sorry I got so angry.

I was thinking about when I was your age, Jess (I'm an "old man" now) & most all of my friends used, too. It's especially hard to make a break if you're in that situation due to peer pressure. I don't know if you've been following greentires posts, but a few of her friends still use & try to drag her back into the bottle; she's strung together over two years of sobriety, however. You made a good choice by leaving the apartment. I know it's probably hard to even think about right now, but eventually you might have to cut certain friends out of your life altogether so you can stay clean of meth. I know that's what I had to do to kick alcohol & drugs. I also found some "friends" weren't friends at all; they just hung around with me because I shared their lifestyle. Good luck in this new week.

emgreen,

I agree with most of what you say, but you are not an old man because you are younger than me. And since I am still in my prime you are a young coot, not an old one...

If your older then dirt which is unfortunate since dirt is replenished every time a worm poops lol. Then we will work together being old and frail!

I am mad at myself I wanted to actually sleep in but I slept in to 12am-9am is 9hrs.

I did something that I wanted to be with my dad and relatives I

Anyway in my mind I succeeded!

then this a-hole of a friend cuts up my bud and gives himself a king size jay and me a 1 1/4inch one. And I say I bought this bud for me not you after he is halfway done then I just snapped. you keep talking about slapping my machine and then you don't even pay me on pay day you lying sack of horse manure. You talk about wanting to do horrible act to people well you say it one more time in front of me I am calling the cops on you and you can explain yourself outta that one! Then I went on to say since I was such a nice friend I did this or that and you repay me is by sitting in the car with my mom while I haul down both awkward carts by myself. You have left over money and well instead of giving it to me you pocket it! Your full of horse manure when you say you owe your dealer $400 I know where it went I am not stupid! All you ever do is talk and talk about this or that when really your full of manure and turkey one that is the most foul smelling on earth. Be grateful!

Besides that I went to my addictions appointment on Friday and she made me laugh and laugh!

Anyways people all make mistakes!

Are you feeling ok now greentires?

Thanks for making me feel a little younger, UpDownAround & greentires; I guess I'll put my walker back in the closet for a few years!

I'm sorry you got triggered, greentires. I hope this week will be good to you emotionally & that you have numbers to call if you should feel that way again. This is kind of a rough time of year for me, & I have to be on guard for those types of thoughts, too. I probably don't think of it this way when it's going on but, in a way, it's like when we get those passing thoughts in our minds that drinking might take care of what we're feeling at a certain time. It would be a permanent (losing your two years) solution to a temporary problem. I think I posted it here, but last week my GF & I had World War III, & out of nowhere the urge to drink quickly came & passed. While drinking might have calmed me down for a few hours, I would have had to live with the consequences (losing my sobriety & possibly going back to drinking regularly again) indefinitely. It goes without saying, that if we listen to those passing thoughts when it relates to what you were dealing with, we don't get to "live" with the consequences. I"m glad you "passed the open window"...& please don't feel alone; I have the same thoughts from time to time.

Blah, blah, blah...I sometimes write too much!

I had a sneaky urge (sort of) the other day and it isn't the first time. The reason I say "sort of" is because it wasn't a sudden desire, it was thoughts out of context like I had forgotten that I don't drink anymore. Thinking about mulled wine by a crackling fire when it gets cold or reading a FB post with an interesting sounding drink recipe. It only takes a few seconds for me to realize the thoughts are possible urge triggers and I give them the boot, sometimes reluctantly. I think it goes back to that "longing versus urge" distinction I make. It is so much easier to kick urges to the curb.

Yeah, UpDownAround, those kinds of temporary triggers are the nature of the beast. Having gone to meetings for so many years, my primary thoughts are of the consequences of my drinking...which is helpful. I'd be a liar, though, if I said I never had urges. They're always connected to emotional triggers, though (anger, stress, etc.).

Oh, & UpDownAround, on another thread you mentioned jonesing for opiods after shoulder surgery. I'm going to have rotator cuff surgery November 17th. I've heard that recovery is a real bear...a whole world of hurt. Knowing myself as I do, it would be easy to develop a taste for opioids. While reputable doctors are probably watching what they prescribe much more closely since the publicity about the opioid epidemic (I have confidence in my docs because they are associated with a Big Ten university & they operate on all the jocks), I'm going to have to be very careful to use only as prescribed...but I'm a substance abuser by nature! I've heard of folks in AA not using opioids for painful procedures for that reason, but I'm afraid I'm too much of a wimp...or is that a potential junkie?

Ask about a "pain ball" that will deliver local for a couple of days post op. I think I would put a responsible party in charge of medications if I have to go through that again. You will have a hard time sleeping for 2 or 3 nights if you don't take the edge off. Of course, surgeries vary. I had multiple tears, bone spurs and "loose matter" to stitch up, grind and remove in my shoulder. It really did hurt for a while. they did the second operation because I let too much scar tissue form after the first one because it hurt to move much. The doc told me what he did after the second operation; I am glad I didn't know ahead of time. As soon as I was "out", he moved my arm through the full range of motion and snapped all the scar tissue. That cleared the path for his instrument to get in there and clean it up.

How does it feel to be back in your sessions, splitimage? I hope all's "groovy."

Halloween was fun this year.
lots of kids and their families.....a couple of trucks pulling trailers with kids on them.
This afternoon, I felt so stupid.
I accidentally left my bag of supplies at my clients house. I had gotten off of my routine. I was trying to lock the door and called the son to lock it remotely. Then I just went to my car and drove off.
I did not realize that I had left it there until I arrived at my next clients house and opened my hatchback and it was gone. So i had to call my client back and tell her what happened and that I was going to be late. Then call my 4pm and cancel that appointment reschedule in a couple of days.
sigh
I hate it when I am human and make mistakes....it is very humbling.

I wore all black and a white face mask which jeff had bought and let me use. We gave away a lot of candy.
I thought we were going to run out!
We would have had I not bought 90 more organic suckers from the health food store yesterday.
any way....
Jeff is busy putting up the electronics and equipment. I asked if I could help and he said no.
oh well it has always been his thing. He puts it all up then takes it all down, has a method of storing it as well.
I am getting very tired.
I should go to bed real soon.
bizi