Daily addictions check in #[two]

Mistakes that you face with courage and conviction become meaningful milestones. I am glad you are this serious about beating it.

Awesome!

Drug = Numb/Anxiety
Anxiety > Numb
Feeling < Numb/Anxiety

Drug > Feeling

Feeling can sometimes = Drug

Drug divided by anxiety...

It's all so confusing being sober with Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.

I feel like my identity is broken into tiny pieces that I have to put back together from where I left off before I started to numb myself from it.

There's so many different meanings behind everything and I can see them but they change.

Emotions, thoughts.. they all just fall through my fingers like sand.

Hopefully you will pull through the withdrawal syndrome soon. Discovering who you are can be awesome, yet sometimes terrifying. Sober you is the real you; hold on to that.

Greentiresforme. Congrats on the milestone. That's awesome.

I'm another one in need of amazon annonymous - Amazon is like on-line Vodka for me. I spend way too much there. It's a serious problem.

Jess - good for you for thinking about rehab. I think it would be a wonderful step.

Desoxyn, PAWS is awful. I hope you get through it soon. What has helped me in the past, is remembering that it's my brain healing from all the damage I subjected it too. It can take a while, but it gets better.

splitimage

So as it turns out the slip turned into an indulgence and once I got a taste I just needed more :/ So yeah.

All the more reason to stick to your conviction and get help. Be careful not to get into the "use it before I lose it" state of mind. Don't let "meth Jess" overrule "rational Jess" about rehab.

Good luck, Jess. I hope rehab next week is a possibility for you. I've heard meth is especially hard to quit...but you already knew that. Sorry.

It's very windy outside I hope I don't get blown away so my tshirt came this one... from amazon.ca lol but someone said it was like saying booze!

Where is everyone?

At the bar...

Just kidding; been pretty busy today.

Hey! Where are YOU, greentires?

downstairs using the computer....chatting online its getting to be too much though....i was just waiting for the mail....but I am not sure now

It's Monday now...& my shoulder surgery is Thursday (life as I know it willl change Thursday morning -- no driving for 4-6 weeks, etc.). I've tried to block it out, I'm now three days out. I've heard different things the about pain level after surgery & about Oxy, a big factor is how much pain I feel. I've never abused my meds or other pills, but the opioid thing has to be taken seriously...But we've discussed that on here before. I guess I just wanted to vent!

emgreen, good luck with your surgery. I hope it's successful. I totally understand your concerns about pain meds. Oxys are nothing to fool around with. But I think with your awareness and commitment to recovery, you should be able to use them responsibly.

splitimage

I drove mostly one handed and used both hands on the keyboard within a few days so I could pay bills and feed children (I am an hourly contractor, so time off comes out of savings). I hated the sling; it had a spacer to keep me from resting my forearm against my gut. I could move the arm around in a limited range of motion without any load on it a couple of days after surgery. I am not sure if yours is more extensive (mine was two bad tears and lots of bone spurs and "loose matter") or if your doc is being conservative, but by 4 weeks PT was starting to involve some effort.

I hope everything goes well.

Thanks for the good thoughts & experiences splitimage & UpDownAround. I especially liked your progression of recovery, UDA. Thanks, both.

GF asked me to rake the leaves today, but told her I was taking a "day off" since my surgery is Thursday. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my T & have to get my hair cut short so it's easier to wash. I feel kind of guilty (should I?), but I've been traveling around the house, looking for potential problems using one hand. Also, I have a stick shift on my car, so really won't be able to drive for 4-6 weeks. I just feel so unmotivated & in need of time alone with two arms! Oh, well. A lot of folks have it far worse.

Well my girlfriend and I both ****ed up this weekend, went on a crystal bender :/ So today I told her I want to quit crystal and gave her an ultimatum. Me or meth. And she couldn't decide. So I'm moving out.

I hate to hear you are having personal turmoil over it, but I am glad to see you are serious enough about your recovery to take that step. It bodes well for you.

You probably have mixed feelings at this point, Jess. I think it's cool that you're ready to do something about your problem.

I have this biggest headache on earth...i was trying to get my friend Luka to answer his door I banged on it like 4 times within an hour....to give him coffee it pissed me off so I came downstairs...and am on the computer...I saw my PDoc today and she said she couldn't take away the past diagnosis BS and i said that was the old Laura....not the new one....that was me when I was drinking. If we want to get technical then give me that crappy diagnosis and be done with it because it doesn't serve me only serves you and ultimately you. I choose you for your expertise in the field of Psychiatry because my previous one kept saying she was going to retire like every month, that put me into a tight situation. And I choose you because I knew you would do me no harm!

Anyways...enough of this tiring day and working with professionals who don't own their own shiznat!!!

I know who I am that's all that matters not what some stupid diagnosis says on a card or a letter head.

I can only imagine how hard that was and is that she couldn't decide, and I hope that you aren't beating yourself up. I also have hope that this will be the beginning that you need to really get a good start in being clean! Be gentle with yourself, you are making good decisions, even tho it may seem different.

I've been hanging back in the shadows for a while, watching, reading, seeing everyone's lives go on day by day. Sorry I've been absent. I had been good, keeping to my "two". Well, not tonight. I just want to be surrounded by friends right now. I feel I don't have any. It's been my own struggle in my head, but I feel that any forward momentum is starting to turn against me. Good luck on your surgery EmG; Greentires, you are consistent, and make me smile with your posts; UpDown, same, thing, your consistent posts and triumph over your struggles gives me hope; Jess Lynn, I hope you do get a chance at rehab next week and that you and your GF find consolation and sobriety; and all the others, keep it up...it makes a difference more than you know

I'm glad you've been able to stick to a few. Do your binges ever bring problems of any kind? Just wondering. Something to watch, maybe...

Thanks for the good luck wishes. My surgery is tomorrow. I'll try to expect the best.