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  #226  
Old Nov 12, 2017, 05:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JessLynn View Post
Well, the bad news is that I slipped again. The other news (not necessarily good lol) is that I may be going to rehab after the 22nd. :/
Mistakes that you face with courage and conviction become meaningful milestones. I am glad you are this serious about beating it.
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  #227  
Old Nov 12, 2017, 05:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greentires4me View Post
So today another milestone.... Daily addictions check in #[two]
Awesome!
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  #228  
Old Nov 12, 2017, 11:12 PM
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Desoxyn Desoxyn is offline
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Drug = Numb/Anxiety
Anxiety > Numb
Feeling < Numb/Anxiety

Drug > Feeling

Feeling can sometimes = Drug

Drug divided by anxiety...
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  #229  
Old Nov 12, 2017, 11:16 PM
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It's all so confusing being sober with Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.

I feel like my identity is broken into tiny pieces that I have to put back together from where I left off before I started to numb myself from it.

There's so many different meanings behind everything and I can see them but they change.

Emotions, thoughts.. they all just fall through my fingers like sand.
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  #230  
Old Nov 12, 2017, 11:59 PM
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Hopefully you will pull through the withdrawal syndrome soon. Discovering who you are can be awesome, yet sometimes terrifying. Sober you is the real you; hold on to that.
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  #231  
Old Nov 13, 2017, 05:50 AM
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Greentiresforme. Congrats on the milestone. That's awesome.

I'm another one in need of amazon annonymous - Amazon is like on-line Vodka for me. I spend way too much there. It's a serious problem.

Jess - good for you for thinking about rehab. I think it would be a wonderful step.

Desoxyn, PAWS is awful. I hope you get through it soon. What has helped me in the past, is remembering that it's my brain healing from all the damage I subjected it too. It can take a while, but it gets better.

splitimage
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"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba

Daily addictions check in #[two]
Thanks for this!
greentires4me
  #232  
Old Nov 13, 2017, 08:58 AM
JessLynn JessLynn is offline
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So as it turns out the slip turned into an indulgence and once I got a taste I just needed more :/ So yeah.
  #233  
Old Nov 13, 2017, 09:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JessLynn View Post
So as it turns out the slip turned into an indulgence and once I got a taste I just needed more :/ So yeah.
All the more reason to stick to your conviction and get help. Be careful not to get into the "use it before I lose it" state of mind. Don't let "meth Jess" overrule "rational Jess" about rehab.
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childofchaos831
  #234  
Old Nov 13, 2017, 10:42 AM
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Good luck, Jess. I hope rehab next week is a possibility for you. I've heard meth is especially hard to quit...but you already knew that. Sorry.
Thanks for this!
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  #235  
Old Nov 13, 2017, 12:08 PM
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It's very windy outside I hope I don't get blown away so my tshirt came this one...Daily addictions check in #[two] from amazon.ca lol but someone said it was like saying booze!
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  #236  
Old Nov 13, 2017, 02:56 PM
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Where is everyone?
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  #237  
Old Nov 13, 2017, 03:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greentires4me View Post
Where is everyone?
At the bar...

Just kidding; been pretty busy today.
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Up and down
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  #238  
Old Nov 13, 2017, 06:30 PM
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Hey! Where are YOU, greentires?
  #239  
Old Nov 13, 2017, 06:34 PM
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Hey! Where are YOU, greentires?
downstairs using the computer....chatting online its getting to be too much though....i was just waiting for the mail....but I am not sure now
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  #240  
Old Nov 13, 2017, 06:42 PM
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It's Monday now...& my shoulder surgery is Thursday (life as I know it willl change Thursday morning -- no driving for 4-6 weeks, etc.). I've tried to block it out, I'm now three days out. I've heard different things the about pain level after surgery & about Oxy, a big factor is how much pain I feel. I've never abused my meds or other pills, but the opioid thing has to be taken seriously...But we've discussed that on here before. I guess I just wanted to vent!
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  #241  
Old Nov 14, 2017, 07:46 AM
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emgreen, good luck with your surgery. I hope it's successful. I totally understand your concerns about pain meds. Oxys are nothing to fool around with. But I think with your awareness and commitment to recovery, you should be able to use them responsibly.

splitimage
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"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn.

"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba

Daily addictions check in #[two]
  #242  
Old Nov 14, 2017, 08:34 AM
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It's Monday now...& my shoulder surgery is Thursday (life as I know it willl change Thursday morning -- no driving for 4-6 weeks, etc.). I've tried to block it out, I'm now three days out. I've heard different things the about pain level after surgery & about Oxy, a big factor is how much pain I feel. I've never abused my meds or other pills, but the opioid thing has to be taken seriously...But we've discussed that on here before. I guess I just wanted to vent!
I drove mostly one handed and used both hands on the keyboard within a few days so I could pay bills and feed children (I am an hourly contractor, so time off comes out of savings). I hated the sling; it had a spacer to keep me from resting my forearm against my gut. I could move the arm around in a limited range of motion without any load on it a couple of days after surgery. I am not sure if yours is more extensive (mine was two bad tears and lots of bone spurs and "loose matter") or if your doc is being conservative, but by 4 weeks PT was starting to involve some effort.

I hope everything goes well.
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  #243  
Old Nov 14, 2017, 08:45 AM
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Thanks for the good thoughts & experiences splitimage & UpDownAround. I especially liked your progression of recovery, UDA. Thanks, both.

GF asked me to rake the leaves today, but told her I was taking a "day off" since my surgery is Thursday. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my T & have to get my hair cut short so it's easier to wash. I feel kind of guilty (should I?), but I've been traveling around the house, looking for potential problems using one hand. Also, I have a stick shift on my car, so really won't be able to drive for 4-6 weeks. I just feel so unmotivated & in need of time alone with two arms! Oh, well. A lot of folks have it far worse.
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  #244  
Old Nov 14, 2017, 11:56 AM
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Well my girlfriend and I both ****ed up this weekend, went on a crystal bender :/ So today I told her I want to quit crystal and gave her an ultimatum. Me or meth. And she couldn't decide. So I'm moving out.
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  #245  
Old Nov 14, 2017, 12:08 PM
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Well my girlfriend and I both ****ed up this weekend, went on a crystal bender :/ So today I told her I want to quit crystal and gave her an ultimatum. Me or meth. And she couldn't decide. So I'm moving out.
I hate to hear you are having personal turmoil over it, but I am glad to see you are serious enough about your recovery to take that step. It bodes well for you.
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Up and down
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Pink Floyd - Us and Them
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|lamictal, straterra
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Thanks for this!
childofchaos831
  #246  
Old Nov 14, 2017, 02:50 PM
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You probably have mixed feelings at this point, Jess. I think it's cool that you're ready to do something about your problem.
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childofchaos831
  #247  
Old Nov 14, 2017, 06:23 PM
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I have this biggest headache on earth...i was trying to get my friend Luka to answer his door I banged on it like 4 times within an hour....to give him coffee it pissed me off so I came downstairs...and am on the computer...I saw my PDoc today and she said she couldn't take away the past diagnosis BS and i said that was the old Laura....not the new one....that was me when I was drinking. If we want to get technical then give me that crappy diagnosis and be done with it because it doesn't serve me only serves you and ultimately you. I choose you for your expertise in the field of Psychiatry because my previous one kept saying she was going to retire like every month, that put me into a tight situation. And I choose you because I knew you would do me no harm!

Anyways...enough of this tiring day and working with professionals who don't own their own shiznat!!!

I know who I am that's all that matters not what some stupid diagnosis says on a card or a letter head.
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  #248  
Old Nov 14, 2017, 07:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JessLynn View Post
Well my girlfriend and I both ****ed up this weekend, went on a crystal bender :/ So today I told her I want to quit crystal and gave her an ultimatum. Me or meth. And she couldn't decide. So I'm moving out.
I can only imagine how hard that was and is that she couldn't decide, and I hope that you aren't beating yourself up. I also have hope that this will be the beginning that you need to really get a good start in being clean! Be gentle with yourself, you are making good decisions, even tho it may seem different.
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  #249  
Old Nov 15, 2017, 12:01 AM
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I've been hanging back in the shadows for a while, watching, reading, seeing everyone's lives go on day by day. Sorry I've been absent. I had been good, keeping to my "two". Well, not tonight. I just want to be surrounded by friends right now. I feel I don't have any. It's been my own struggle in my head, but I feel that any forward momentum is starting to turn against me. Good luck on your surgery EmG; Greentires, you are consistent, and make me smile with your posts; UpDown, same, thing, your consistent posts and triumph over your struggles gives me hope; Jess Lynn, I hope you do get a chance at rehab next week and that you and your GF find consolation and sobriety; and all the others, keep it up...it makes a difference more than you know
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Thanks for this!
bizi, emgreen, greentires4me, UpDownAround
  #250  
Old Nov 15, 2017, 12:19 PM
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I'm glad you've been able to stick to a few. Do your binges ever bring problems of any kind? Just wondering. Something to watch, maybe...

Thanks for the good luck wishes. My surgery is tomorrow. I'll try to expect the best.
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