Daily addictions check in #[two]

In the meantime, yettis and my favourite pothead show Disjointed to make me laugh lol

Jess,
Sorry you are having a rough go of it, but glad to hear you are still committed to getting and staying clean. I was starting to worry a little when we hadn't heard from you in a few days. Are you still planning on rehab on the 22nd?

I'm having a lot of trouble being honest with my family about what is going on with me and it looks like it's making rehab impossible :/ I am going to have to do this myself.

I don't know your family situation but I understand how hard it can be. It isn't any easier when it is the other way; I had to admit to my wife, adult child and teenage children that I had a problem with alcohol and drugs. There is some hurt, but they usually know more than you think and they are usually willing and able to support you in whatever ways they can. I hope you are able to ask their help.

Either way, please continue to post and we will offer encouragement and field any questions you might have about the experience of others.

Take care.

I don't know if I posted this here or not, but last week, my IOP addictions Dr. called me and told me she wanted me to withdraw from the IOP program, until my depression is more under control. I've been really depressed and so missed quite a few sessions recently. I understand her reasoning, but I'm still disappointed.

The problem is now that I'm out of the program, I'm having really intense urges to drink. I keep think well now that I'm not having random urine screens done, I could have a couple of pints a couple of times a week at a pub, and as long as I don't start drinking at home, it's no big deal. Those are very dangerous thoughts.

I've been journalling about how much better my life is when I'm sober and how bad my last relapse was and how I don't want to go back there. I'm still taking my Antabuse, which is probably saving my butt right now. It's just really hard and frustrating. But I really do not want to go back there.

The depression isn't helping either.

splitimage

I told my mom my gf Had a pill problem so I needed to move home :/ I asked my mom on another occasion if she had ever tried any pille/drugs of any sort and she said she was always too "chicken". I told her my curiosity is wicked and gets the better of me and I just have to try things... Maybe she doesn't want to know and that's why she hasn't asked?

Alright, I just blurted it out.

I have depression but I also think it's PTSD from all the years I was drinking they should do more for you in the program then telling you to drop out! It makes them sound like hypocrites in my mind! Any way that's just my two bits

JessLynn, you told your mom? How did that go?

She just said "Enough with this depressing stuff". Lol.

Just guessing, but if she said "enough" and wanted to move on, she likely knew or at least suspected. It could be she really doesn't get how hard it is, physically and mentally, to get free of something like meth. Sometimes I want my kids to just get over something because we discussed it. That doesn't work so well.

Huge meltdown this morning :/ Being admitted to psych ward short stay today.

I hope things go well for you.

I hope it helps, and you start feeling better.

I hope you get things straightened out soon. Please take care.

About to hit a couple of milestones; 150 days tomorrow and 5 months on Saturday. Everything is still going well on that front. I haven't had what I consider a real urge recently. I have had passing thoughts like "I should try that" when I see an ad or store display for a special seasonal beer or ale. The realization that I don't drink instantly kicks in and it wasn't a real desire, just a "that looks interesting". It kind of plays into that longing versus urge discussion; there are some small batch seasonals that I used to enjoy at get togethers even if I only had one or two. I don't feel an urge to have one right then, but it is a little disheartening to know that I can't trust myself enough to ever enjoy one again. But I have not been questioning the decision; I can't drink again without ending up in the same place again. Another time would not be different.

Speaking of straightening things out, how is the shoulder?

Still typing with one hand, but the pain is nowhere near what I thought it might be. Thanks for askng.

last night was the first alcohol free night in a while.
ate sensibly had a la crox with dinner.
went to a concert and did not go out after ward, a friend was celebrating his birthday but the place he wanted to go was closed so dodged that one.
Favorite beer in the fridge and did not drink it.
I call that a win in my book.
Day at a time.....
bizi who is suffering with a painful right hip.

Day at a time, is right, bizi. Glad the urge didn't hit you. I looked at all the meds you're taking...At least my experience tells me that mixing meds with alcohol isn't always a good thing. Meds & alcohol didn't always work well together. Just be careful, hon. You're a valued voice around here.

150 days!!!

Congratulations UpDownAround, 150 days is awesome. Cant wait to celebrate 5 whole months with you.

Emgreen, glad the pain from your surgery isn't as bad as you feared.

I'm slogging along, still sober, reading my WFS materials and talking back to my evil lizard brain, when I get cravings. Strictly a day at a time at this point.

splitimage

I am thankful to be clean and sober for 151 days. 151 - why does that number sound familiar?

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

(a belated greeting to friends in Canada)

Made it through a pretty bad argument with my room mate yesterday without being triggered to drink, when normally I would have said screw - it and drunk.

That is a huge success.
last night was AF 3rd day in a row. Most days in a row in a long time.
Wondering if I can make it thru the day today?
I won't beat myself up if I don't.
bizi