want to use

i have the urge to use and drink 2 years since the last time
triggered by this time of year too much emotions think i should die
and there is no reason for that

If you used & drank, would it make your mess any bigger? It would for me, but that's just been my experience. Why does this time of year trigger you? Above all, why should you die? I hope you can manage to get through the holidays OK...I'll be checking this space to check in on you. Christmas isn't much of a holiday for me. Whatever decisions you might make, play the tape to the end.

i lost my step dad to suicide 6 years ago this time of year reminds me of him i cant seem to stop thinking about him also i get triggered from other people who are drinking or talking about drinking or using this time of year is hard for everyone my husband is with me and he dont drink or use if i used or drank my husband would leave me going to a drop in party today in the evening there is going to be drink there but am staying well away from it keep thinking if i take any my husband will be gone he says he not supporting a drug or drink habit he has the money i dont get a penny he says am too unstable to have money he thinks i'll buy stuff to OD with
he locks my medication up as well as he feels am a danger to myself
this party has drink but its supervised by the support workers i am thinking for new year that i go to one of the sober serenity party where there will be no drink or drugs and recovery people who understand about addiction

You know the problem & the solution. That's good. Hanging out in sober places, or going with someone who knows you struggle with alcohol (your husband?) are two solutions to the issue. As for the meds issue, drinking always made me more impulsive; it's unwise to drink if you're even remotely a hazard to yourself, as your husband thinks.

I was told "blind people don't go to movies". Meaning for your post...there's no good reason to be around alcohol...especially if you're tempted or thinking about it. Your best bet is to go be around sober people. If you attend meetings this is a great time to go to one and talk about your addiction. I've not stepped into a bar but once in almost 30 years sober. Today I can be ok if there's drinking going on at a party as long as it isn't rowdy. I arrive fairly early and leave if I'm not comfortable.

I went to the party but left soon after it started didnt touch anything going to a friends for Christmas unsure if there will be drink there looking forward to the serenity party in the new year no drink or drugs no chance of me getting off my face going to meeting after the Christmas going to NA hoping get a meeting soon i also went the the serenity cafe where i met some one who has been going to meetings herself and she is a support worker for the cafe and there are groups to help me as well

Meetings time! Happens to a lot of people at this time of year.