[Soul Quake]

This past Friday my boyfriend of 8 months told me he had been using cocaine for the past 2 months. He said that the man he is working for was/is supplying him with cocaine as a means of payment.

I had to break up with him. He has a long history of abuse. I don't understand why he would choose drugs over me. I guess that's where I'm ignorant. He also has schizoaffective disorder. He was hospitalized for a total of 5 months of our relationship. I visited him all the time. I drove him places. I encouraged him. People tell me I went above and beyond, yet it ends on this.

Maybe I should also mention that he has an 8 year old son. Apparently he doesn't see that his son needs a sober father.

So my question is, why? Why would he choose a substance over love, family, and health? I'd really like to understand what's going on in his mind to an extent. I'm hoping some of you can shed light on the subject. Thanks.

[UpDownAround]

Because drugs can take the choice away from you. Losing control literally means losing control. Also the addictive urges are hardest to resist while under the influence. Some drugs are not physically addictive but mentally. It can be harder to get off of them. With physical addiction you can get medical care to help you through it.

[onewithgod]

Originally Posted by Soul Quake

This past Friday my boyfriend of 8 months told me he had been using cocaine for the past 2 months. He said that the man he is working for was/is supplying him with cocaine as a means of payment.

I had to break up with him. He has a long history of abuse. I don't understand why he would choose drugs over me. I guess that's where I'm ignorant. He also has schizoaffective disorder. He was hospitalized for a total of 5 months of our relationship. I visited him all the time. I drove him places. I encouraged him. People tell me I went above and beyond, yet it ends on this.

Maybe I should also mention that he has an 8 year old son. Apparently he doesn't see that his son needs a sober father.

So my question is, why? Why would he choose a substance over love, family, and health? I'd really like to understand what's going on in his mind to an extent. I'm hoping some of you can shed light on the subject. Thanks.

Addiction has been referred to as the disease of insanity, and rightfully so. You'll only succeed in driving yourself crazy trying to get inside the mind of an active drug user. Perhaps a better use of your time would be spent asking yourself some growth oriented questions such as:
1. How and why did I end up in a relationship with an active addict?
2. Am I possibly co-dependant?
3. How can I grow from this experience?
4. Am I now ready to let this person go and focus on the difficult task of
loving myself?
I wish you the best!

[karma3p80]

It's not as complex as him stopping to think about choosing drugs or choosing you. It's an impulsive act, based on urges. Just like if you are on a diet and you notice that someone has left out a candy bar. You might say just this once will be ok, I've had a bad day and before you know it, you've ate the whole thing and feel terrible. Trouble is, the next day when that sugar high isn't so high anymore, another candy bar pops in your head and now, after the initial screw up, do you do a little more thinking: you know that the candy bar tastes really good. but this candy bar also makes you feel really happy for a few hours and you've been feeling crappy. In the back of your mind, you know that you shouldn't, but you got clean before, this is just twice so it won't be as hard this time. You would give anything just to feel better for a few hours. And there you have it. It's tough to choose to walk away, sometimes. His relationship probably didn't enter into the equation, it was most likely a false belief that it was only this one more time and you wouldn't ever have to know since he planned on just one more time. Nobody sets out to ruin their own life but drugs are more powerful than we bargain for. Best thing to do is separate from this guy and let him see the consequences more clearly. I hope he gets better for his Son. Good luck.