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Hi, I facilitate a support group for people with mental illness. Recently a young couple (engaged and with a 3 year old child) has been attending my group. The young man is an addict who has been through a successful rehab. He appears to be very mature, capable, and warm. He has full custody of the child at this time, court-ordered, although the couple do live together with his parents (the parents are very supportive). He is deeply in love with the fiancee. The young woman is so sweet, but is emotionally quite immature. She is using less than she was in the past, but is still using. When she was a teen her mother died and the young woman is still deeply grieving that loss. She clearly loves her fiancee and their child. She desperately wants to stop using, but cannot seem to. She is scheduled to begin rehab as soon as the place she'll be working with has an opening.

Although I have known many people who are addicts, I have never had a substance abuse problem myself. I believe that people misuse drugs because they are self-medicating pain, whether physical, emotional, or both.

What can I tell this couple? How can I best help them? Thanks very much.

Well, she wont stop until she hits the cliché bottom. And if she is using around him, well that is asking for a relapse. I am not sure what to tell them. Especially with a kid involved.

Where is everybody???

Are you a peer to peer facilitator? or are you a licensed professional?
I would suggest that they seek counseling.
sorry not much help here.
bizi

Hi bizi, I'm a peer facilitator.

A resource for them to explore is a site called SMART RECOVERY www.smartrecovery.org
It's an online help forum like this one for addiction.

Thank you, Minnow. That looks like a good site.

SMART has local meetings lots of places also. There is no getting around the fact that continuing to use is a problem, especially if she isn't actively trying to stop. A rehab will help her fix herself, but she has to want to fix the problem. Does she seem like she really wants to stop and just can't? Or is the hurdle getting her to want to stop? IMO, those two problems require different approaches. The first requires learning good coping techniques. The second problem requires some therapy to learn what makes her mind make that decision. This is my opinion; I am not a pro.

Thank you so much. I've had it up to my ears with pros...it's peers I want to hear from.

She desperately wants to stop. Terrified of losing her little daughter altogether. Loves her fiancee, clearly, and wants to stop for him, too. Of course, it's herself she hates on.

She returned to the group today. That was a really good sign. She has been looking for a website about addiction, so I wrote down the site you recommended, minnow.

smart recovery is similar to AA except they are not religious and require to attain abstinence.
HAMS is a support forum that focuses on reducing harm, moderation etc.
bizi

Thank you, bizi. The young woman in my group is already connected with SMART through a rehab facility here. We don't have HAMS in our county.

She is court-ordered to the SMART program (through something called CommuniCare here), but her worker there isn't very good, unfortunately. She has to show up anyway, but she began coming to my NAMI group because she's looking for a peer support group that isn't facilitated by an employee of the county, but by a peer (she is mentally ill in addition to her addiction issue).

Hams is an online support group.
I believe both groups have chat rooms at different times during the day/evening.
bizi