[bizi]

My addictions are real.
I admit I am an alcoholic. This took a long time to admit to myself and and some of my close family members.
I have an internet addiction. I spend hours on here and other forums, face book, email, etc. have neglected my yard which is in shambles. I walked into the back yard, had not been and discovered what it looked like. It is a dust bowl. all of the grass is dead. We will hire someone to till it up and put down dirt and sod and then we will water the shiet out of it. I use to love working in the yard but got very lazy and resentful that my husband did not help so stopped doing yard work. I believe that the extra zyprexa has opened my eyes to my addictions. Have been more thoughtful. I have neglected my responsibilities .....I have had bouts of hypomania.
Now to just prioritize what needs to get done on the house, first thing is getting the foundation fixed. The new mailbox is nice.
so maybe today we can come up with a list of things that we would like to do. We are finalizing the closing of our new line of credit to do the repairs/remodeling. It will be cheaper to remodel than buy a new house.

have a great day!
bizi

[bizi]

apple for breakfast
lunch:veggie quiche, collards and squash
dinner: half a 10inch supreme pizza.
lots of water today!
bizi
I bought some non alcoholic ginger beer(sweetened with stevia) from whole foods tonight, and some black berry sparking water same sweetener!

I drank them, too sweet. Will dilute them in my drinking water. __________________

[UpDownAround]

I had some ginger herbal tea that one of my kids got and didn't like. I should have paid more attention to the particular brand because ones I have tried since don't have nearly as much ginger flavor. I really like ginger, but having given up artificial sweeteners, not being a fan of stevia and trying to limit calories there are not a lot of options as far as soda goes.

[bizi]

WEll I tried both drinks...too sweet so am going to dilute them with water.
and drink throughout the day. I carry a gallon jug of water wiht me all of the time. I am trying to drink more water.

171.9 this am. happy about that.
bizi

[bizi]

I think I will give myself a break.
I think that my picking is a bad habit.
I am not a food junkie, I eat well for the most part.
caffeine is a drug that I have become habitual with,
like not in excess. 3-4 cups a day is not too too much.
Both the internet and alcohol are habits and addictions that I struggle with.
I am seeking balance in all areas of my life.
I will go to the gym in a bit so that will get me off the computer for a while, hubby needs it.
bizi

[bizi]

171.4 I don't know why I thought the weight would just fall off since I have not been drinking alcohol. This is a foolish notion. I have been AF for ten days. I think I have lost a pound this week. I will take it.
It looks like we will eat out, nothing is out from the freezer. We have concerts to attend both friday and saturday nights. That should be fun!
Tonight is a jazz trio, and tomorrow is a faculty recital classical chamber music. I hope we don't go out after the concerts, some times the faculty like to do that to celebrate their concert success.
I have not been in an alcohol situation this time around.
I would rather not go but that is not fair to hubby. He could take me home and then join them. or I should just suck it up and have a diet coke.
We will see.
It is friday a lent day so Sandras will have fish on the menu. I usually get the salmon cooked rare. It is delicious! But maybe they will have some other fish option.
I love to eat and this is one reason I am over weight.
Drinking is the main reason why I gained 45 pounds in 2 years.
It is slowly coming off.
I made it to the gym last night 2.5 miles on the tred mill.
I brought head phones so I could listen to the tv shows which made the time fly by. I belong to planet fitness and have been 3 times since joining on valentines day. I bought the up graded membership so that way I can use their hydro message bed and bouncer machine. They also have a massage chair that is too much. I will try it again to see if I can dial it down a notch. It hurts my shoulder blades!
At this level I will be able to go to other gyms in different cities like when we travel to Indiana this summer, or in different locations here.
The hydro bed is so nice that it gives me incentive to go to use the bed as a reward for going.
I hope I don't give up the tred mill and just go for the hydro bed!LOL
Think I will try intermittent fasting again, skipping breakfast and not eating after 7;30.

wish me luck!
bizi

[bizi]

I just listened to a "refuge recovery" meditation.
(a buddist practice toward freedom from addiction)
IT was awesome!
The in real life meetings are in my home town. We meet on mondays at 8pm. I have never been to one before.
I will post back after I attend.
I think there is a book that I should get.(just ordered it from amazon)
bizi

[bizi]

I think by cutting out any calories that we drink....we will lose weight. Do you drink any calories. Our bodies don't recognize the calories in drinks.
So I don't drink sodas or sports drinks or milk, juice etc....and now I don't drink fattening beers either.
bizi

[bizi]

I have made it 10 days Alcohol free.
It has been a struggle coming home from working to not stop by and have a beer or two. But I tell myself as I drive by the whole foods that has a bar with delicious dark fattening beers....
"That is how I put on 45 pounds in 2 years".
I have lost a solid 11 pounds since 11-15-17.
It is coming off slowly.
Frustrated so I said what the heck and split a muffelleto sandwich with my husband, delicious if you like olives!
bizi

[bizi]

11-28-17 day 1
2-1 AF (64 days AF(AF all of dec and new years) and 2 DD since November 28th)
2-2 thru 2-12 Mod/DD don't remember the specifics!
2-13 DD Happy Mardi Gras!!!!
2-14 AF valentines day ash wednesday starting to be AF until easter.
that is the plan.
2-15 AF walked on a tred mill= 1.25 miles it is a start! hydro bed, chair massage
2-16 AF
2-17 AF
2-18 AF walked on a tred mill= 1.33 miles, hydro bed, weight=172
2-19 AF
2-20 AF tredmill=1.75 miles, hydro bed, chair massage and bouncer!
2-21 AF
2-22 AF walked on tred mill=2.5 miles hydro bed, bouncer
2-23 AF guitar concert
2-24 AF chamber music concert

bizi

[bizi]

Was going to go to the gym to walk on the tred mill but instead hubby and I raked leaves.
11 of them: (30 gallon type containers)!
It took several hours so that is my exercise for today.
Maybe I will just go for the hydro bed massage as my back is sore!!
I sweat and it has been a long time since i sweat with physical activity.
It felt good to get something done.
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

You are one of my heros!!!





WC

[bizi]

Thank you!
I think you are my biggest fan!
bizi

[bizi]

I went to a refuge recovery meditation group, following a buddist train of thought and helping people rid themselves of addictions.
It was interesting.
We meditated for about 20 minutes.I was not good at this. I could not focus enough on what he was saying. He kept repeating the 4 things we were supposed to be meditating about and I could not remember any of them. My mind wondered the entire time.
even so, I will go back. The book should arrive this week.
bizi

[sans]

Hi Bizi
I just finished a response here and hit post quick reply. I got a message that I lost internet service. So somewhere my message is lost in internet space. If a duplicate response comes in from me, you’ll know why.
Anyhoo— my therapist says it natural for the mind to wander and our job during meditation is to gently bring the thoughts back into focus. I’m just a beginner on meditating, and this happens to me every time. The point is, the more we meditate, the easier to bring our mind to the focus point. I’m a big daydreamer, so it’s very challenging for me.
Your Buddhist group sounds awesome!! Going to look for one here.
Xo
Sans

[bizi]

Refuge Recovery google it. There are 400 groups now. Doubled since last year and growing. I think folks are looking for alternatives to AA and are looking for spiritual guidance.
I don't know anything about Buddhism.
The book should help and I am sure there is alot on the net.
I definitely could get overwhelmed.
my husband has been wrapped up in the power of now. Has been for the past 6 months. Book book leads to another, then one video leads to another.
He has tried to explain some of these things to me and it is way over my head. I am glad he is on a spiritual journey towards enlightenment.
I just feel left out.
I am hoping that I can connect better to him by learning/studying.
Wish me luck!
bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by sans

Hi Bizi
I just finished a response here and hit post quick reply. I got a message that I lost internet service. So somewhere my message is lost in internet space. If a duplicate response comes in from me, you’ll know why.
Anyhoo— my therapist says it natural for the mind to wander and our job during meditation is to gently bring the thoughts back into focus. I’m just a beginner on meditating, and this happens to me every time. The point is, the more we meditate, the easier to bring our mind to the focus point. I’m a big daydreamer, so it’s very challenging for me.
Your Buddhist group sounds awesome!! Going to look for one here.
Xo
Sans

I went to the main site and scrolled down to see if there were any groups in KY. There is one in lexington and 2 in louisville. But there maybe other groups who have not yet registered on the site.
Or you could start your own!
bizi

[sans]

I found one near my home on Sunday evening. I’m going to try and make it. I’ll let you know.
Thanks for the idea!
Sans

[bizi]

AF, walked on tread mill 3 miles and wore the wrong shoes ended up with a blister.
going to friends for dinner. I can't throw out my diet. need to eat small portions.
bizi

Ate very healthy tonight.
Double helpings of zuchinni and green beans, marinated chicken, few little potatoes and a very small piece of the best lemon cake that I have ever had!!!! with berries and whipped cream.
moderation, though I am still hungry, I could have eaten more but wanted them to have left overs for brian to take for lunch.
I am looking forward to our nightly pop corn. I found one hundred calorie pop corn, it is very good.
Think I will make some hot tea.
nite yall!
bizi

[bizi]

coming home from work I was really tempted to stop and have a beer. but resisted. 15 days into lent. Af.
bizi