[bizi]

171.4 I don't know why I thought the weight would just fall off since I have not been drinking alcohol. This is a foolish notion. I have been AF for ten days. I think I have lost a pound this week. I will take it.
It looks like we will eat out, nothing is out from the freezer. We have concerts to attend both friday and saturday nights. That should be fun!
Tonight is a jazz trio, and tomorrow is a faculty recital classical chamber music. I hope we don't go out after the concerts, some times the faculty like to do that to celebrate their concert success.
I have not been in an alcohol situation this time around.
I would rather not go but that is not fair to hubby. He could take me home and then join them. or I should just suck it up and have a diet coke.
We will see.
It is friday a lent day so Sandras will have fish on the menu. I usually get the salmon cooked rare. It is delicious! But maybe they will have some other fish option.
I love to eat and this is one reason I am over weight.
Drinking is the main reason why I gained 45 pounds in 2 years.
It is slowly coming off.
I made it to the gym last night 2.5 miles on the tred mill.
I brought head phones so I could listen to the tv shows which made the time fly by. I belong to planet fitness and have been 3 times since joining on valentines day. I bought the up graded membership so that way I can use their hydro message bed and bouncer machine. They also have a massage chair that is too much. I will try it again to see if I can dial it down a notch. It hurts my shoulder blades!
At this level I will be able to go to other gyms in different cities like when we travel to Indiana this summer, or in different locations here.
The hydro bed is so nice that it gives me incentive to go to use the bed as a reward for going.
I hope I don't give up the tred mill and just go for the hydro bed!LOL
Think I will try intermittent fasting again, skipping breakfast and not eating after 7;30.

wish me luck!
bizi

[bizi]

I just listened to a "refuge recovery" meditation.
(a buddist practice toward freedom from addiction)
IT was awesome!
The in real life meetings are in my home town. We meet on mondays at 8pm. I have never been to one before.
I will post back after I attend.
I think there is a book that I should get.(just ordered it from amazon)
bizi

[bizi]

I think by cutting out any calories that we drink....we will lose weight. Do you drink any calories. Our bodies don't recognize the calories in drinks.
So I don't drink sodas or sports drinks or milk, juice etc....and now I don't drink fattening beers either.
bizi

[bizi]

I have made it 10 days Alcohol free.
It has been a struggle coming home from working to not stop by and have a beer or two. But I tell myself as I drive by the whole foods that has a bar with delicious dark fattening beers....
"That is how I put on 45 pounds in 2 years".
I have lost a solid 11 pounds since 11-15-17.
It is coming off slowly.
Frustrated so I said what the heck and split a muffelleto sandwich with my husband, delicious if you like olives!
bizi

[bizi]

11-28-17 day 1
2-1 AF (64 days AF(AF all of dec and new years) and 2 DD since November 28th)
2-2 thru 2-12 Mod/DD don't remember the specifics!
2-13 DD Happy Mardi Gras!!!!
2-14 AF valentines day ash wednesday starting to be AF until easter.
that is the plan.
2-15 AF walked on a tred mill= 1.25 miles it is a start! hydro bed, chair massage
2-16 AF
2-17 AF
2-18 AF walked on a tred mill= 1.33 miles, hydro bed, weight=172
2-19 AF
2-20 AF tredmill=1.75 miles, hydro bed, chair massage and bouncer!
2-21 AF
2-22 AF walked on tred mill=2.5 miles hydro bed, bouncer
2-23 AF guitar concert
2-24 AF chamber music concert

bizi

[bizi]

Was going to go to the gym to walk on the tred mill but instead hubby and I raked leaves.
11 of them: (30 gallon type containers)!
It took several hours so that is my exercise for today.
Maybe I will just go for the hydro bed massage as my back is sore!!
I sweat and it has been a long time since i sweat with physical activity.
It felt good to get something done.
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

You are one of my heros!!!





WC

[bizi]

Thank you!
I think you are my biggest fan!
bizi

[bizi]

I went to a refuge recovery meditation group, following a buddist train of thought and helping people rid themselves of addictions.
It was interesting.
We meditated for about 20 minutes.I was not good at this. I could not focus enough on what he was saying. He kept repeating the 4 things we were supposed to be meditating about and I could not remember any of them. My mind wondered the entire time.
even so, I will go back. The book should arrive this week.
bizi

[sans]

Hi Bizi
I just finished a response here and hit post quick reply. I got a message that I lost internet service. So somewhere my message is lost in internet space. If a duplicate response comes in from me, you’ll know why.
Anyhoo— my therapist says it natural for the mind to wander and our job during meditation is to gently bring the thoughts back into focus. I’m just a beginner on meditating, and this happens to me every time. The point is, the more we meditate, the easier to bring our mind to the focus point. I’m a big daydreamer, so it’s very challenging for me.
Your Buddhist group sounds awesome!! Going to look for one here.
Xo
Sans

[bizi]

Refuge Recovery google it. There are 400 groups now. Doubled since last year and growing. I think folks are looking for alternatives to AA and are looking for spiritual guidance.
I don't know anything about Buddhism.
The book should help and I am sure there is alot on the net.
I definitely could get overwhelmed.
my husband has been wrapped up in the power of now. Has been for the past 6 months. Book book leads to another, then one video leads to another.
He has tried to explain some of these things to me and it is way over my head. I am glad he is on a spiritual journey towards enlightenment.
I just feel left out.
I am hoping that I can connect better to him by learning/studying.
Wish me luck!
bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by sans

Hi Bizi
I just finished a response here and hit post quick reply. I got a message that I lost internet service. So somewhere my message is lost in internet space. If a duplicate response comes in from me, you’ll know why.
Anyhoo— my therapist says it natural for the mind to wander and our job during meditation is to gently bring the thoughts back into focus. I’m just a beginner on meditating, and this happens to me every time. The point is, the more we meditate, the easier to bring our mind to the focus point. I’m a big daydreamer, so it’s very challenging for me.
Your Buddhist group sounds awesome!! Going to look for one here.
Xo
Sans

I went to the main site and scrolled down to see if there were any groups in KY. There is one in lexington and 2 in louisville. But there maybe other groups who have not yet registered on the site.
Or you could start your own!
bizi

[sans]

I found one near my home on Sunday evening. I’m going to try and make it. I’ll let you know.
Thanks for the idea!
Sans

[bizi]

AF, walked on tread mill 3 miles and wore the wrong shoes ended up with a blister.
going to friends for dinner. I can't throw out my diet. need to eat small portions.
bizi

Ate very healthy tonight.
Double helpings of zuchinni and green beans, marinated chicken, few little potatoes and a very small piece of the best lemon cake that I have ever had!!!! with berries and whipped cream.
moderation, though I am still hungry, I could have eaten more but wanted them to have left overs for brian to take for lunch.
I am looking forward to our nightly pop corn. I found one hundred calorie pop corn, it is very good.
Think I will make some hot tea.
nite yall!
bizi

[bizi]

coming home from work I was really tempted to stop and have a beer. but resisted. 15 days into lent. Af.
bizi

[bizi]

I just had a "God " thing happen.
I stopped off at a store to pick up a gallon of water. I am seeing this patient tomorrow morning and wanted to pick up some numbing agent. But forgot to do that. Wouldn't you know that they had some oragel at the check out aisle. And then as I was leaving an aide came up to me and said that another patienet/resident needed to see me with a bad toe. I can't see her until monday and called the desk to see if they could soak her foot until I get there on monday. She will get back with me tomorrow for family approval to see her.
That all happened in a matter of minutes of each other.

Mystery
bizi

[bizi]

My book came in Refuge recovery.
Looking forward to reading it.
bizi

[bizi]

My internet addiction is kicking me in the rear.
IT is making my life so small. I stay on line too long ignoring my husband avoiding showers, making me late for work.... etc.
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

I am getting nervous.
In 3 days, wednesday, I travel by myself to join up with my family to surprise my parents for my dads 80th birthday. I will fly into fort lauderdale and then take uber to the grocery store and then another to the condo. They will have been out for the day and I don;t know when they will return so I will just have to wait for them to get into the condo and surprise the folks. My sisters are in on the surprise.
Last year was a disaster because I was drinking...
now I am abstaining for lent and possibly longer than that.
I told my sister that I would not be drinking so that I won't be making a fool of myself like last year....can't really remember her response to that...
I have the addresses of both the condo and publix grocery store. I hope I can use it with out a hitch. I have my meds packed so that is good, need to remember ear plugs as my sister snores. last year I did not sleep very well which added to the craziness.
bizi

[splitimage]

That sounds like a nice surprise for your parents.

[bizi]

19 days AF.
3.75 miles on the tred mill tonight, 70 minutes 300 calories burned supposedly!
I did not snack after coming home, I really need to get a handle on my snacking. Need to stop eating almonds, smoke house are so addicting.
I have been on the computer a lot today. Too too much!
bizi
watched some of the academy awards, some amazing movies we want to see on red box when they come out.

[bizi]

171.1 this morning.
slowly coming down, better is better.
Slow progress is still progress.
I am all packed for the trip....bringing some liquid chocolate stevia to sweeten drinks instead of alcohol like last year. I wonder if my sisters are nervous about me coming to join them. I had a major meltdown. And then the drinking/behavior was embarrassing.
Just need to trust that I can get the uber to work for me.
I used it last time we were in Memphis. It was a pain using it because I had to set something up because it had been a while since using it. Including going to an e-mail to retrieve a code....blah blah blah....
I am not brining any emergency meds aswhat can go wrong in 3 days?
I am bringing more clonipin in case I need that.
I got a bad haircut yesterday at walmart...oh well it will grow out. sigh no place is open on sundays except walmart.
sigh
WE got the quote on the foundation repair (less than $10K)...and I picked up the paper work for the line of credit, we have some questions ...I will go in this morning to see if she can answer them.WE want to know what the monthly payment would be on $40k if we pay it off in 10 years or 15 years. My guess is that it would be around an extra $400-$500 a month. I will find out today or tomorrow.
We have to close before the 8th.
Anyways. I had better get ready I have a client this morning and I want to go in and see Betsy about the loan.
thank you for reading.
have a good day yall!
bizi

[bizi]

today marks 3 weeks Alcohol free.
I have finally been able to lose some weight.

finally hit 169.7 this morning!!!!!!!
yeah!!!!!

Looking back at my history, I had been in the 170's and 180's since last june!!!!!

I know it is because I am more mindful of my food intake and have more stability from the zyprexa increase, less compulsions.
bizi

[UpDownAround]

Congrats on both!

[splitimage]

That's fantastic.