[bizi]

Thanks splitimage. Thank you for responding and reading.
I am desperate to see results and this is why I have been weighing in daily.
This weight came on over time, I need to be patient. IT will take time to get off.
My pdoc was very happy that i had lost 15 pounds and now I have gained most back so she will be disappointed in me.
When I gain weight like that I have been drinking, and she knows that .
sigh
she writes my scripts and I need her but am fearful of her.
bizi

[bizi]

slept hard last night and woke up dreaming about being tortured.
My sister was there also. weird!
175.8 yay.
bizi

[ArchieAus]

Yes I read your thread . I think many do . It's like a diary , so in a way it just feels correct to read but not comment .

[bizi]

Thank you so much, I feel better having read this and that you feel this way. I just felt I was being selfish or that nobody wanted to read what I wrote.
thank you again.
bizi

[bizi]

today makes 9 days AF.
I am getting ready to go to the gym to walk on the tred mill.

Had a good dinner tonight from whole foods salad bar.
spinach salad with shrimp and some roasted brussel sprouts and parm cheese and ceasar dressing. Came home and knuked it for 3 minutes it was great! and it was a lot of food, also ate half an avocado which was very good.
Ate some dark chocolate and a tablespoon full of nerds again.
so good and satisfying.

Our yard man put down some grass seed on our back yard that needs grass. We are to water it daily one hour till we see grass coming up. I think I will water it in the morning before work. There looks some rain itomorrow, the rest of our yard needs rain.
bizi

[ArchieAus]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts ...your inner most ones and your random ones . Your hopes , your dreams , your demons and your actions . It's an honour to read them .

Get the unnamed painful area on your chest checked if the pain keeps up .

That's enough input from me ...back to the shadows ...with the rest who read your diary .

[bizi]

Thank you Aussie,
I will keep an eye on my chest. It is not that painful but noticeable.
It is actually rather odd. I have never had any sensations like this before. I had a mammogram a few months ago as well as an ultrasound because my breasts are dense. Both came back normal.

Made it to the gym. I belong to planet fitness and have the upgraded membership in order to use their hydro massage bed after using their equipment. Tonight I walked a 5K, 3.1 miles for 63 minutes at a 5% incline
and supposedly burned 455 calories. Which I don't believe. The hydro bed is invigorating, I like it! It is only 10 minutes but really feels great! Like a reward for "working out".

Light work day tomorrow again, as was today, only seeing 3 clients.
I did half of my billing today during a break and will do the other half tomorrow. When doing billing I listen to music on an old cassette player. I am listening to cat stevens lately. In my car when traveling to clients homes I listen to the news on NPR or blue grass music. Istarted listening about a year ago. Today I was listening to "Oh brother where art thou?"
sound track.It is great and one of my favorite movies.

Tonight marks day 9 Alcohol free.

bizi

[bizi]

When I start seriously dieting then it is easier not drinking because of the extra calories. Going to the gym is also a no brainer.
Today I think I will have chicken salad and creamy of squash soup that hubby did not like. more for me!

(I had lost weight before that I was 168 on 3-22-18) my heaviest weight was 186.
This morning 177.

I have lost 3 pounds in 2 weeks since resuming my diet.
Slowly but surly I lose this weight. I can't quit trying.
I really don't want to disappoint Dr. Orazio.
When I don't drink, I am able to diet and lose weight.
sorry if I am repeating myself.....
bizi

[splitimage]

Bizi,

I can really relate to the drinking and dieting piece and not wanting to disappoint Dr.'s I lost a bunch of weight last year, and then put it all back on when I resumed drinking - I don't eat healthy when I'm drinking so that just compounds the problem. I've recently started taking the weight off again, but don't want to go in for a physical until I'm under 190 - I"m at 191, down from 214.


Keep up the good work with the exercise and staying AF.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thank you split!

You are close....keep at it!

I understand...I am going to try hard to lose this extra weight.
177.3 again this morning.
sigh
bizi

Well we decided to go back to europe in the fall.
It was somewhat impulsively decided upon.
We will go to paris and prague the end of september. There is a klimt/artist exhibition that I am dieing to see.
So excited.
Airfare and hotel for the 2 of us= $2600. for one week.

Now to look at the areas and plan for the trip, things to do etc.
bizi

[bizi]

Paris : une exposition numerique immersive sur Gustav Klimt - GOLEM13.FR : GOLEM13.FR

This is the site about the exhibit. There is a video that gives you a glimpse of the show which last about an hour and displays 3 different artist works.

It was a light day today. (one of my clients had fallen and broken her hip, had surgery and was home with 24 hour help, I feel sorry for her.)

Saw my first client at 10am so that allowed me to get up without the alarm. Grabbed my robe and went out to water my flowers. It is so satisfying watching them grow and it has only been a few days. I hope that watering them every day is ok. It had rained last night so I really did not need to water the lawn.(I wonder how long it takes grass to start growing from seed?) Rain is due for tomorrow. There is a storm heading towards the gulf....hurricane season starts june 1st so things are starting early it seems.
Had lunch with my hubby. We went to sandras health food cafe. I had a cup of chicken salad and a big bowl of veggie soup. It was very satisfying.
Jeff had the greek chicken salad, which was just ok.

The 1pm appointments were together in a retirement home. They are a really cute couple. Both lost their spouses, and found each other there, Have their own apartments but spend their time together in his apartment.
She kisses him and they hold hands all of the time. It is really sweet.
I started him soaking as I gave her a pedicure. Then she layed down for a nap while I worked on his feet.
The humorous/sad part of this story is that he doesn't know her name. I referred to her as his girl friend and he looked at me funny like he did not know what I was talking about. lol

After I sanitized my equipment and packed up my bag I left the complex and went to see my friend Doris. She lives not too too far away from the retirement home. We have developed a friendship over the years. I am 55 and she is 72. We went on vacation together last year, and had been talking about going to Branson the end of september. I told her of our decision to go over seas again, and that I was not able to travel with her this year. She understood.

On the way home I stopped by Golden Coral and picked up a pound of pot roast with mushrooms for dinner. Not the healthiest of dinners but I did not feel like cooking. And it is usually very good.
Made a salad, fresh greens and celery and tomatoes with balsamic dressing and shredded Parmesan cheese. It was a very good dinner. 2 small squares of chocolate finished the meal. yum! WE drink La Croix cranberry with our dinners.
I was on line for a bit after dinner and ended up chatting on line with a woman who is diagnosed bipolar 2 but not medicated currently.
I chatted with her for an hour. Then said that I wanted to go to the gym Which is true and I went to planet fitness. Walked on the tred mill over an hour and walk a 5k again at 5% incline. I have head sets to wear and listen to the tv shows, I watched burger wars tonight. Makes the time go by quickly.
Afterward I used the hydro massage bed. And it really felt good as my shoulders had tightened up during the walk.The bed heats you up and this was the first time that I had a hot flash while on the bed. Awful!
My shoulders are still tight so I will ask Jeff nicely to rub them.

I had better sign off and get ready for bed. I see 4 clients tomorrow, a normal day.
bizi

[bizi]

Lunch was delicious. Veggie mousaka(egg plant and tomatoes) along with a big bowl of german style cabbage soup, with chicken sausage. It tasted like sour kraut and was delicious. Came home and took all of my meds and suppliments, I am full!.

I had a cancellation this after noon so after lunch I came home and checked out the forums and face book before I will do some billing.
I have about an hour to do some billing so I should be able to get somewhat caught up. Have to bill in order to get paid!

The pain in my breast is completely gone so am glad about that.

Have a great day yall.
bizi

[bizi]

Got up early today before my alarm. Slept well since the addition of zyprexa and melatonin. I slept well. No hang overs or side effects from my meds thankfully!

Last night, Had a real hankering to drink after work and was almost going to stop at whole foods for a beer, but then I thought about my diet and how alcohol sabotages my dieting so I drove right on by.
Went home and fixed a shrimp stew over green beans. Had some blueberries as well..

It was tasty and low carb!

We went to a concert last night where there was plenty of time before hand to drink but I just decided that I was not going to drink. It was not a hard choice thankfully. Hubby had a small gin and tonic for $7 and That was all for him. I did not drink anything not even water. We were able to sit in chairs and it was non smoking so that was great!!!

The concert was good so glad that we went. 7 different singers on stage taking turns singing original songs. It was a wide variety of folks from local areas and new orleans as well. Ani Defranco was one of the singers.

176.1 this morning. But have not gone to the bathroom in days, in fact can't remember when so that is concerning. I have taken extra magnesium oxide 2 days in a row still nothing. sorry if TMI.
Will drink lots of coffee this morning to see if I can get going! lol

I just made a late 5:30 appointment this evening.That way I won't be tempted to go to trivia, but will show up late and have a quick bit to eat for dinner there. That will be around 7 pm. Usually we go there around 5 to get a good spot/table.The bar fills up fairly quickly even though trivia does not start until 6;30, and usually is over by 8;30. I can go and eat and drink water, that is my plan. And I am sticking to it!

Have a great day y'all!
bizi
Looking forward to the 3 day weekend, no plans so far.
Need to water the grass and plants.

edited to add: 175.2 after going to the bathroom!!!!!
I will take it!

[bizi]

Worked late and came to trivia to meet hubby. Stayed for a little bit and then went to chipotle for dinner. I had a pork bowl sans rice and beans that is, making it a low carb dinner.

I fell today hard onto my knees at my clients apartment. I am starting to feel the aftermath. My back hurts and I went to the health food stored and bought some magnesium gel to have hubby rub on my back to night.

We are getting ready to watch a movie...The shape of water that won the academy award for best picture.

It rained a bit today. I happened to be caught in it when it was pouring!
It is only water and I won't melt!

bizi

[splitimage]

bizi,

Way to go with the not drinking and healthy eating. I'm using weight loss as one of my reasons not to drink too, when I get tempted. I have to say you have a much more varied, and yummy sounding diet than I do.

splitimage

[bizi]

11-27-17= 185.6
3-23-18 = 167
5-7-18= 180
5-26-18= 174.7

I have lost and gained weight since 6 months ago,
gaining weight while drinking, losing weight while AF.
I am still down 11 pounds total since november and
down 5 pounds in the last 3 weeks.

The movie was great!!!!!
Very different but good.

It was a love story.

today makes 2 weeks AF.
I am getting ready to go out side my comfort zone and go out of town to meet some new women for socializing and I am supposed to bring something to make soup with for dinner. I am bringing a box/quart of butternut squash soup, and some celery.





bizi

[bizi]

I scheduled myself off for memorial day.....
We have been invited to a BBQ gathering. There will be much drinking going on. I will bring my tea/mug and stevia sweetener to hold onto something for a buffer.
I went to lunch with a friend and had a pleasant enough time we said we would do that again. It is easy to have lunch and not drink, still have the social anxiety issues.
bizi

[bizi]

10:30am and I am still in my jammies.
Got up at 8am and just finished my third cup of coffee. Weighed 174.6.
I have been around this number for a while. This weight is surly coming off slowly. I don't know why I thought it would just melt away not drinking. I should be happy with a 5 pound weight loss in a few weeks.
This memorial day weekend, I give thanks for all who gave their lives and service for my freedom. I proudly display our flag. I am a veteran during non-conflict time of service. I served in the air force and Air national guard. The military helped pay for my nursing degree. Which means the government helped put me thru school, Which means you helped me. So thank you.
Hubby is watching the Indy 500 like usual. He always watches at least some of the race because he grew up in Indy and attended many many of the races and participated in the craziness in the pit. He says he has many fond memories of good times. I went to one race and was bored to tears. LOL.
I don't know if we will go to brunch today or not because of the race????
We are invited to a cook out tonight and tomorrow.
Staying AF today will be easy today, tomorrow not so easy.
I have 2 loads of laundry to do and some billing before tuesday when the mail resumes.
The womens gathering yesterday was good. It got me out of my comfort zone.
There were 10 of us. We worked together to make a soup, and then participated in a couple of activities which were interactive and quite personal in nature. I tried to explain it to my husband who thought it was weird. Anyway I think we all had a good time and the soup turned out great! I had brought some butternut squash soup as a base then there were an assortment of other veggies: carrots, celery, corn, brocolli, white beans, tomato, garlic, and spices. Smoked sausage was cooked separately as some wanted a vegetarian soup.
I was the only person to have seconds and enjoyed the smoked sausage a lot!The bowls were small and I have a big appetite.
Maybe that is why I am over weight????
Have a great day and weekend.
Never forget those we have lost during war and died for our freedom.
Goddess bless america, and that includes you and me.
bizi

[bizi]

Had a grilled biscuit for brunch today. Had an eggwhite garden omelet which was very good. 2 orange slices.

At the cook out for dinner I Had a cheese burger with out the bun but then snacked on chips like crazy. Here I am the heaviest person in the room scarfing down potato chips. and a greens salad. Had a cup of ice cream, it was delicious I could have eaten the whole container but resisted.
I drank diet root beers and passed on the wine which I am not a wine drinker so that was easy.

I really snacked a lot this evening.....
Ate A lot more dried mangos than I should have and they are very high glycemic and a no no on a low carb diet. I ate a slice of havarti cheese which was delicious!


So tomorrow is a new day.
I am still alcohol free so that is good. My belly will bloat as all of the mangos get reconstituted in my stomach and I will look even more pregnant than I look right now!
Have been on this computer a lot today.
How am I to survive another cookout where there will be lots of interesting beers to drink? and not stuff myself with food?

bizi

[bizi]

I have another BBQ to go to this evening at 4pm. I have a 6-pack of stevia sweetened root beer, cooling in the fridge. We picked up some brocolli salad from whole foods yesterday to bring. It looked kind of wilted hope it is still ok today!
Just got back from breakfast at IHOP. Man it was good. I had a cheese omelet with salsa and hot sauce, and an order of swedish crepes with lingonberries. They are a tart little berry and delicious!
Raked up a small barrel of magnolia leaves from the front yoard.
We accidentally left on the sprinkler last night so the back yard looked flooded this morning. OPPS!

Now I need to take my meds. I did not take all of my supplements and vitamins last night...I just said screw it and took the prescription ones. I feel the same way today. Just rx meds. maybe I will just take all of those supplements during the week and not take them on the weekends.
I don't know if they help me or not. I have been taking them for years, just lately added a few more.
have a great day!
bizi