[bizi]

Weight is up this morning so maybe I was a bit dehydrated and needed all of that water? Though I look pregnant today, more so than normal...
SIGH

Today was out of town and was an oatmeal day. It was very good!.
One of my clients refused my service so I got home early, hate that.
Am going to work in the yard a bit, already watered my plants and am watering the back yard to. Even though we are due rain for tomorrow, never know how much rain we will actually get and today is one of the days that we can water.
Being on the computer makes me so sleepy! and now my eyes burn from lack of blinking. So I am trying to blink more often then naturally.
Just how I will stay awake for the latin band that starts

playing at 10pm...
I really am taking not drinking a day at a time.
Each day I give myself a choice to drink or not drink. I will drink again....on vacation for sure, in less than 2 weeks.
bizi

[bizi]

Back down to 173.5 this morning... so my weight is fluctuating.

I have not gone to the bathroom in a couple of days so maybe after some coffee this morning things will get going.
I took an extra magnesium oxide last night.
I had had high hopes of losing more weight before my pdocs appointment next week. She will know that I relapsed and gained the extra weight.
sigh



I had told myself that if my weight had not come back down that I would drink this morning at brunch some bloody marys.
So I guess I am not drinking.

Taking it a day at a time.
bizi

[bizi]

For lunch today:
I had a BBQ brisket omelet (with sauteed onions and peppers) and a side of broccoli. It was good and I don't feel stuffed so that is good. They have the best grilled biscuits, sweet tasting that I love but had the broccoli instead, which was healthier of course!
Doing some laundry today, uniforms only last me a week so sunday is always a laundry day.
It is hot again outside but we are supposed to have rain so will not water the front yard today. (Shouldn't anyway because our watering days are tuesday, thursday and saturday). The new grass seed is coming up so excited about that. The staint augustine grass is also doing much better, we have asked our yard guy to cut the grass high from now on.
Our back yard was a desert bowl a month ago. It looks so much better now! Last year we lost a lot of grass from moths. There are a lot of weeds but I don't care I will take anything that is green!


My new favorite soda to drink is cream soda from zevia the diet drink sweetened with stevia, sweetness from a plant. I bought a case of it on friday and entered a give away of a bicycle for the lucky winner. If I win which I am pretty lucky( I have won a free tv and a $500 gift card to target in recent years)...we plan on giving it to our friendly server at chris's po' boys restaurant. We would give it to Amber who mentioned she wanted a bike to keep up with her daughter who is learning to ride.
You get one entry for a six pack and 5 entries when you get a case.
I hope I win, she would be so happy!

I am looking into the aspen diet plan. Our favorite server at the diner, Amanda is on it and she has weekly weigh ins, I would like the accountability and diet suppressants pills that she takes. I would be interested in trying this out. Need to research the site. She said she counts calories but I would just like the pills, and the weigh ins and am unwilling to count calories. (But they don't need to know this)


The reason I weigh myself everyday is that I have such a bad body image. I don't look like I have lost any weight even though I have lost (even with yo yo up/down gain/lose).....I have lost 12 pounds Total in 7 months. I still look pregnant and hate looking at myself in the mirror. How the hell did I let myself get so over weight????


Any way
I hope you have a nice day.
bizi

[bizi]

Actually made it to the gym tonight
to walk on the tred mill 4 miles in 80 minutes. (that is a 20 minute mile)
Then enjoyed the hydro bed for 10 minutes.
I think I have a blister on the bottom of my left foot pad.
sigh
how do you avoid those????
These are good shoes maybe I need to be wearing different socks....
Drinking a lot of diet cream soda today!
love it!

I am joining the aspen diet clinic. I already ordered a supplement which should get here soon along with a shake mix. My official meeting is not until the middle of july due to vacation time away and working saturdays, it was the first one available.There are weekly weigh ins and they offer different injectables I think the b12 one would be good monthly.
When you join you see a doctor and are given an appetite suppressant. Not sure of the costs involved. I think the initial cost is $100 from what Amanda, our server today at breakfast told us. She has been doing it for a couple of months and is liking her results. Although she is following 1100calorie plan. There are nutrition classes to attend and they do a body fat analysis.I am joining because I want more accountability and guidance.
I will keep you posted.
bizi

[bizi]

up 2 pounds this am....wondering if the beef brisket had a lot of sodium?
very discouraging to say the least. I am a slave to the scale and I am so discouraged this morning. About ready to give in to drinking.
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

Looking back over the past 6 months:
I have bounced around 10 pounds....170-180.
Today at 175 I am stuck right in the middle of that.
bizi

[bizi]

I am not drinking right now because I am trying to lose weight. I have stalled at 175.4 for days. This is frustrating...I am trying to limit what I eat and not snack, I even took an extra medication for bathroom reasons to see if I need to be cleaned out!
By friday morning if I don't see a budge in the scale I am going to drink at trivia friday night.
My Aspen clinic supplements and shakes come in a few days. Talked to my psych doctor she wants to see what are in the supplements before I take them, oh and I am going to get a b12 shot every month.

bizi

[bizi]

am

This was a good pep talk for me.

bizi

[bizi]

Down to 174.6 so I guess that means I won't drink tomorow night. I see my psych doctor in a week, It will be good to tell her I have been AF for 1 month. then we leave on thursday, in one week. Am not ready mentally.
Got the air conditioning fixed, hopefully!!!!! We shall see, keeping fingers crossed.
bizi

[bizi]

I think I will buy a couple of cases to bring. Don't know if they will have it in indy??? zenia sodas are found at health food stores and whole foods where it is expensive. They are on sale at sandras. $13.50 a case(2 beers would cost me that) I am saving a lot of money not drinking!
Each day that I don't drink I feel a bit more in control of my drinking. Maybe I can drink moderately in INDY.
Any way thank you guys for your support!
bizi

[ArchieAus]

Interested to know if when you do make the decision to drink . Do you enjoy the rest of the day/evening with the influence of alcohol ....or is it a case that just giving into the mental struggle to not drink is the reward ?
Might sound like a strange question , but I've been contemplating this myself . I lowered the occasions of drinking by about 90% and now am analysing that final 10% . Do I actually enjoy that evening more than the sober evenings , or is it just the fact that I allow myself to have a drink which is the prize . Do I then enjoy the experience of the alcohol more than totally in control and clear minded . Preliminary study shows that I believe I enjoy the first hour the most , but then pleasure of drinking starts to drop away .

[bizi]

next thursday I will drink in memphis half way to our families home in IN.
WE always go to the flying saucer and have beers....
Drinking is so ingrained here that activities surround drinking.
I believe it is a bit of an entitlement for me.
I work hard I deserve to drink if I want to.....I am on vacation!
But I have been sleeping so much better....I should remember this!
Thanks for your post aussie!
bizi

[bizi]

Well I just got done chatting with a girl friend. She quit her job and decided to leave town and move in with her boyfriend. He is a sweet heart and treats her well. I just found out that she is leaving for prague this wednesday for 2 weeks. I laughed because jeff and I are going to paris and prague in september. So I am going to pick her brain when she returns.
Funny how life is.
bizi
made it to the gym to walk on the tred mill for 75 minutes 3.75 miles.
I think I burned off all of those grapes I ate at dinner!

[bizi]

down to 172 this morning!!
yes!
Lets just hope it stays there.
bizi

[bizi]

The scale this morning, at first it said 175 and I freaked out. but then I readjusted the scale and I weighed 172.8. Down 7 pounds in 4 weeks.

whew.
Since I still feel and look so pregnant I can't tell that I am losing weight.
I only have these numbers to go by.
I really wish I could remember what I weighed at Dr. Orazio's office 3 months ago. Guess I will find out on wednesday. I have been yo yoing for months.
My top weight in november was 186.

I survived another night at trivia with out drinking. yes, getting easier to just say no thank you I will have water no ice please.
I ate a healthy spinach chicken salad off the salad bar at whole foods. I topped it with some tomato basil soup (instead of dressing)then microwaved it and was delicious! The chicken had a little breading on it but was baked.

I am still trying to follow a low carb diet. Not counting anything just being careful with portion sizes. Still doing intermitant fasting only eating lunch and dinner no breakfast and nothing to eat after dinner. I have not been hungry.
I am taking a fat burner supplement with my pdocs blessing of course. She wanted to know what supplements I was taking. Don't want anything new to interact with my psych meds.
The Aspen weight loss clinic paperwork that I filled out prior to my appointment in July stated that certain people could not take the appetite suppressant. I called to cancel my appointment when I read that. She said that she would confer with her doctor and get back to me. They have other people who are bipolar on the program. If I can't get the suppressant then I won't do the program.

I will find out on Monday.

Today I get my hair colored at aveda beauty school. It is just a root touch up and should not take too too long. I think I will also ask for a trim. I like the gal I have for right now, I think I can have her again 2 more times before she graduates and then I will have some one new. That is how beauty schools work, just when you get to know some one they are gone and you get some one new.
I have been going there for 15 years.

This evening Jeff is playing a gig. The sky liners have their dances every other month. Think big band 40's music, 25 piece band with a jazz singer.

I have been several times before but don't go usually because they play all of the same music each time.

This evening I will go to a bridal shower for our friend who is the bar tender at whole foods. Last night We went to target after leaving trivia because we were playing terribly, we left early.
She registered at target so we picked out a gift for them. A powder buff blue/teal colored tea pot from their registry. I realized I did not have any wrapping paper so ran to the dollar tree for some foil paper which was difficult to wrap. I also picked up 16 foaming soap items because they are hard to find and I refuse to spend $3 for them at the regular stores. It is rare to find these so I snatched up all of them that they had.
Last month I spent a lot of money for refill bottles of dial foaming soap from amazon because our health food store no longer carries them. It was ridiculous what I spent for those 3 refill bottles.
I saw Melanie at trivia, the hostess of the party today. And told her that I was dieting and she reassured me there would be plenty of food to eat following a low carb diet.
I just need to make sure that I don't over eat.
Even though I am not counting carbs and such. I know that it is calories in and out that need to be watched. So portion control is number one goal for me tonight. The party starts at 6pm. There will be wine there but I am not a wine drinker so that is good. Hope my social anxiety does not rear its ugly head. There will be people that I don't know there....

Thank you for reading and I hope that you have a nice weekend!
bizi ___________

[bizi]

I went to the bridal shower and ate a lot.
sigh
I call it a cheat day after all.
3 sugar cookies small. a very small two bite cup cake, lots of cheese and olives and summer sausage. and BBQ meatballs.one small chicken salad sandwich.
oh well tomorrow is another day.
bizi
The food was delicious!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bizi]

Forgot to tell you the ladies at the party last night were so friendly. At one point there were 5 of us sitting around the table in the play room commiserating about menopause, thought to myself. Wow, I could actually have these woman be new friends, very exciting! Most of the people there were from whole foods trivia night on fridays. Wow... new friends!!!!!


Went to brunch this morning/noon. Ordered the BBQ beef brisket omelet with sauteed veggies and a side of brocolli. Right away asked for a to go container and cut it in half to take with me. It was delicious!
There are left overs in the refrigerator from last week that need to be eaten. stuffed bell pepper, crock pot pork roast with green beans and carrots and onions, now my BBQ omelet.


We are supposed to go to a retirement gathering for a colleague at 2 then a cook out at a friends house. I did laundry last night so that is done. I need to rake the leaves up and it is supposed to rain later. I need to take a shower as I have early morning appointments for the next 3 days before we leave on thursday.

I have filled my pill boxes for the next 2 weeks, pdoc authorized the early refill of 2 meds that I was going to run out of while on vacation. I can pick them up today which is good. klonipin and zyprexa which are really important to me and my sleep. I had some small of a cushion for the klonipin but did not want to use it so asked for a refill early that my pdoc had to approve. She did and I need to pick them up.

I don't think I want to go to the events this afternoon, maybe go later to the cookout. There will be much drinking and I don't want the temptation.
If/when I go I will bring my diet drinks like I did at the last gathering and it worked out just fine. IT is the long pause at the gathering before eating that is hard to just socialize...not sure who else may be there. Think I will call to find out who else is going. He is cooking pork chops on the grill. That sounds like they will be dry and I would rather eat the left overs in my fridge. Maybe I will just go later after they eat.


Yesterday I picked up an unusual plant at the nursery.
It is called red button ginger. It is exotic and reading about it requires an amount of care. You can eat parts of it. I will repot it. So I have things to do today before my busy days/work week before we leave.
The first appointment is for an obese woman
(think 400/500 pounds, am not sure).

I just told Jeff that I did not want to go to the retirement gathering and the cook out, I will eat left overs which are on my diet. He understood.

I am going to forego weighing myself until I see Dr. Orazio on wednesday.

Have a great sunday!
bizi

[bizi]

30th day AF, 4 miles on tred mill 80 minutes mostly 5% incline.
10 minutes on the wonderful hydro massage bed
Ate well
Saw 4 clients
life is very good
bizi

[splitimage]

Bizi,

Well done on the AF days, and for recognizing that you wanted to stay home and expressed that to Jeff.

From your food descriptions it sure sounds like you eat a lot of tastier stuff than I do.

Glad you had fun at the baby shower.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thanks split! Are you still trying out accupuncture?


I think you had something in your ear if I remember right?

Hope you have a nice day.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[bizi]

We leave town on thursday for 2 weeks, so I will not be posting.
We travel to indiana twice a year. We travel there once in the summer time, jeff has off all summer, then once at christmas time.Both families live in IN.


It takes us 2 days to drive the 1000 miles stopping in Memphis for the night. We will enjoy a great BBQ dinner and listen to some blues and have a drink or 2. I am not going to drink too much. I am just not! I can control my drinking!!!!I am not going to blow my diet either just because I am on vacation. Am bringing 2 cases of zevia soda, ginger root beer and cream soda which are my favorite flavors. Not sure I could get them easily in INDY....I know they carry ginger beer but that is really high calorie.

I took a bottle of mag citrate because I have not been to the bathroom in days. Hope it works before I go to bed at midnight.

It is stormy out, tiny bit of rain. Glad that jeff watered both the front and back yard. Our new grass will just have to fend for itself while we are gone. We have a pet sitter come to watch the cats and I asked her to water the out door plants she agreed. We will pay her more of course.

She is coming every other day and gets the mail too...

While I was at my last clients home, I had a hot flash that lasted for ever. God I hope this is not going to happen regularly. I will see if this is my new reality tonight at 230am when I have been waking up with a hot flash where I get up and stand in front of the fan.

I am not going thru menopause gracefully.
sigh

We lost my mom's sister Barbara in january suddenly. It was a shock to all of us. She requested to be cremated and then have her ashes put into lake michigan to be with her daughter who died of MS years ago. This saturday, Mom and dad are chartering a boat to take them out 3 miles out into the lake. I don't know where they found these rules, seems silly to have to go that far out to sea.

Afterward, there is a luncheon at 2 pm at a cheeseburger place in Michigan that we all like. They have a private room so we can all be together. This Saturday we are driving straight to the restaurant to meet the rest of the family, sisters, cousins with their families and nieces. So it will be a family get together to honor Barb. The next day is fathers day so We will stay a couple more days in South Bend to visit and be with my folks. Mom is really taking it hard. Barb was her best friend...the only real friend she had. Then back to his moms house for the duration of our trip. WE will see/visit with jeffs only brother Brian. WE will help out jeffs mom who is on a walker and frail.


The only other event we have planned is a James Taylor concert with Bonnie Raitt on the 26th, the day before we leave. I have never heard her sing in a concert. Should be great!!!! Love james taylor!!!!

It will be busy and I have to stay stable. I usually end up a bit hypomanic before we leave. But instead am procrastinating packing. I need to redo my pill boxes to take out the detox pills because we think that is the reason for my constipation. That is the only thing that has changed. So I am going to stop taking them.

One more full day of work and I see my psych doctor in the morning, hoping to weigh less than when I was there last. If I get cleared out surly I will weigh less. She will be happy that I have been Alcohol free for 31 days. I am anxious to see what I weighed in her office 3 months ago.

We shall see.
Have a great 2 weeks!!!!


bizi

[bizi]

The mag citrate worked and worked and worked....

bizi

[bizi]

Just got home from vacation, will get caught up with threads tonight when I get home from work.
good to be home.
bizi

[bizi]

The James taylor/ Bonnie raitt concert was great! We went to dinner ahead of time. Sat at a table for 8 including a 2nd cousin who I had not seen in years!

Spent time with both sides of the family in Indiana. It was good to see everyone,
But am glad to be home. 2 weeks is a long time to be gone. And I only have a pill box for 2 weeks! I had to get some of my meds filled early due to them running out while I was gone.
Wonder how people deal with meds when they go away for months?

I have been on this computer for hours getting caught up.
I was away from a computer for 2 weeks. I did miss it.
(((((HUGS)))) for you guys!
bizi _____

[zijax]

Hey Bizi,

I missed your posts. Congrats on 31 days AF and glad you made it home safe!