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Bizi is bizi
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
Posts: 11,009
18 45.8k hugs
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#1
It is all about choices for me.
And making substitutions. Substitute one activity for the next. This is where I get bogged down. Tonight It will be a whole foods night, in the bar playing trivia. Before I have not drank when going there but that is not any fun. If AF I will get a lot of food to eat so as to be doing something there. I don't really play because I am horrible at trivia but it is something to do. Being on a diet is not any fun either but I try still down 13 pounds. Drinking fattening beers is not on my diet. When I drink, I am not supposed to drive. Before when I was AF...I was able to go to the gym in the evening. I substituted drinking hot tea this past 2 months over the holidays when at christmas parties etc....in Indiana. I felt like I was hypo thou. In theory I could start a new hobby. But instead I post on even more forums and spend hours on the internet. I have neglected certain aspects of my job for 9 months now. No one is to hold me accountable for doing that kind of paper work, so I don't do it. That would take up a lot of time and is completely not fun, and I don't want to do it so I don't. It is charting and creating new charts on the new clients that I see. I am so far behind, it is daunting. Now I do a little paper work daily then billing twice a month which takes me a few hours. For lent I think that I will rejoin planet fitness($10.90 a month) and go after dinner in the evenings, when I would normally be on the computer. Would get home to watch jerry seinfeld with jeff at 9:30. Being AF, I get better sleep. I am able to stay on my diet and not make bad food choices and don't have to worry about a DUI, or ruining my life. There is shame involved in my drinking, like I am bad, weak, a moral failure, a lesser human being if I drink. My therapist doesn't know that I started drinking again. The last interaction we had was she texted me how proud she is of me... sigh I will probably lie to her or let her think that I am AF when I have not been. I don't want to let her down. It felt good to hear her say she was proud of me.... sigh My house always needs cleaning...I could do that but I am lazy. It is more fun to be on the computer...than anything else. I need to find joy in other activities. I have said for years now that I need to get a life. Yesterday I had a cancellation so I thought I would stop and have a couple of beers and be ok to drive home. I could not think of something that I could do or wanted to do to fill up that free time. So I thought about it while driving...and came up with " I have been needing new glasses for years" So I stopped at the store and got my eyes examined and picked out new frames. I am getting 2 pairs. Getting regular/expensive ones for everyday and cheap ones for the computer. I did not get home until 6;30 so we ate late. But it gave me something else to do besides drinking so that was good. I spent $515 dollars on 2 pairs (including the eye exam)so that was not too too bad. I would have spent hundreds more if I had gone to lens crafters. Sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading. Taking each day as it comes. AF last night=a win. sigh must it always be a win/ lose situation.... bizi __________________ lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
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*Laurie*, TunedOut, UpDownAround, Wanderlust90
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