[Kurushi22]

An affiliation towards alcohol runs in my family. But I am the first to get in trouble with the law.
I had to get a social worker from criminal justice to write a report for me. I was advised by a friend to get in contact beforehand to ask what the questions would centre around and if I could get help from the gp as I diagnosed ad having bi-polar disorder. They were very curt on the phone.
I turned up at their office in a fouls mood. They were prejudice the moment I walked in the door. They said that they have "people like me" all the time who cannot cope with change and spontaneity and need to know how the room is layed out and what every question will be as it is part of their illness.
I thought to myself : I am the person in my friends who lives for the moment. I knew that I had to tread on thin ice.
I knew I was in for community pay back . But they got on their high horse. They said that they wouldn't put me forward for community payback because of my mental health history. They said I would indefinitely end up with a police tag. And they explained all the ins and outs. I thought great I will miss out on summer this year.
I explained my circumstances, how I lost my job, so my xmas money went up the spout. The boiler in my house broke. I had been in an abusive relationship. So when I got really drunk I acted out of character and they seemed to warm to me. So I left feeling relieved that they were on my side but thinking that a tag was harsh for my minor crime where I never harmed a person. I just destroyed someone's property.
My solicitor said they gave me a damning report and I was looking at jail time for vandalism. Yes you heard me right : jail for vandalism.

[splitimage]

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment, and are possibly facing jail time. Some times the consequences of our drinking can be pretty harsh.

What do you want? Do you want to stop drinking alcohol?

splitimage

[bizi]

welcome to the forums
I am sorry that you are having a rough time right now.
things will change.
bizi

[Kurushi22]

It turns out the justice social worker was wrong. I got community payback. And no supervision. I deserve it. My psychiatrist wrote a report also and the judge agreed it wasnt to do with mental health. So I have to sort my life out.

[Kurushi22]

Cookies don't feel bad.
Thanks Iron man.

[Kurushi22]

I wasn't born under a rock
I think they
We're genuinly talking cars
But I must have still
Been feeling stung
About Martin withholding
Conversations about me
From others and
Using them to his own ends.
And not telling me anything.
He would say that
Such and such
Was speaking to him
About me but
Wouldn't even give
Me a hint about what it was.
I blatantly felt
Like he was treating
Me like a child
And deep down he
Felt some satisfaction
From the power imbalance
At the start
Of our relationship

[Kurushi22]

It was an up hill struggle
Getting back to normality
After my break
The depression is lonesome.
After three months
Of just taking
It one day at a time.
I decided I was going to jog.
I ate two bananas and an apple
For my lunch
And I began to lose weight
That dangerous fat around
My middle that I hated.
Then after tea.
I sometimes needed
A little carbohydrate.
And I bought these
Light cakes snow drops
They were less calories
Than a bar of chocolate.
And Fred started to say
That eating in evenings
After tea is a type
Of eating disorder.
I blame big brother contestants.
I was shedding weight though?
He really puzzled me.

[Kurushi22]

When I split from Fred
I thought why did I stay so long?
I wish I had .. I wish I hadn't...
If I had just stayed
On my medication at 21
Then I might have got back home.
But speaking to a colleague
I said that when I
Was in between jobs
(I never mentioned the hospital)
My parents made
Me do all the house work
All the time, to earn my keep
And threatened to take
My measly job seekers
As rent money
So I stayed at Freds
House at the weekend
And that's how we
Moved in together
Even though I was quite young
And she said no wonder why
And I hadn't even mentioned
How David called me
All the names under the sun
Because I had been unwell.

[Kurushi22]

We were all set to rent a place
Then we got a two bedroom
House for the exact same price.
It took a lot of work,
But mostly just aesthetic
And it was empty.
It must have taken over
Six to eight weeks to do up
And I even helped
Put down the wooden flooring.
We got house warming presents
A nice painting,
And practical things too like
My mum's friend got
Me a card and an iron
And board to go with it.
Fred was worn out
And quite prickly in temper
After working and
Doing up the house
Over the past months.
So I gave him space.
I had cooked tea,
And I sat down on couch
To relax for a while,
And Fred was annoyed
That I hadn't ironed
His work trousers
And I said he could do,
Them himself as
Coming from a big
Family his mum could
Not have done all the ironing
So he did his own at home.
And then said that if,
I was actually a good wife
I would be doing this for him
After all he was the bread winner
And I said that I work too.
Please don't wind me up.
And he said he works six days
And I only work five...
And I said it's a modern era
What does he expect
And I won't be in
That job forever
And he said
So you just think
I am some average Joe?
And he took the iron
And smashed it against
The board until it buckled,
And was broken.
He turned around
With it still in his hand
And I was scared by now
And I can only remember
The wild savage look in his
Wide eyes and he spat
When he growled
And he swung towards me
And I ducked and
And I kicked him
At knee height
The outer thigh
As I had training,
And he just bent and stumbled
But didn't fall
And I don't know
How my fight instinct
Kicked in, I always
Thought I'd freeze.
And the iron landed
On the rug I can't
Remember it thumping.
And he paced and paced
Anger was emanating from him.
He threw the board.
And I had to run up stairs.
He didn't follow.
But I knew he wouldn't
Let this lie.

[Kurushi22]

Fred went to a restaurant opening
With his work and he
Arrived home relatively early
Went straight up stairs
And came down
And I seen his knuckles.
And I knew right off
You have been fighting. ..again
And he puffed up his chest
And said yeah nobody
Has ever won against this man
He was taking the mick
Out of Foxy so I went to the toilets
And I layed him out.
Right so elaborate Fred?
Let's just say I won
Fair and square.
Ok I don't want to hear it.
People like to fight their own battles
You had no business jumping in.
I'm going to bed.

He went to work following week
And his boss said
That the man he fought with
Had broken ribs
A smashed cheek bone
And other injuries.
And claimed he never
Said or did anything to provoke Fred
Fred only did it to prove himself to
To be tougher. How grown up and cultivated of him.
And that Fred had the duty
To make a sincere and official
Apology because he did business
With his company and
It was unreasonable force.
And if the man had reported
Fred that night
He would have had to appear in court.
When we're out one night in town
Some body spoke about seeing
The incredible hulk walking
Home one night with blood
On his bare naked top half
And I asked what they were
On about at home later
And he said the guy had ripped
Off his t-shirt so Fred
Walked through the throng
Of this party at opening of restaurant
And didnt ask to borrow
Someone's jumper or jacket
And walked home. No taxi.