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Community Support Team Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,333
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#661
Desoxyn,
Not sure which benzo's you're taking or the daily amount, but I'm currently doing a very slow taper off my clonazepam on an outpatient basis. My pdoc, is using the Ashton manual as a guide for the taper. Google it. Of course success with the taper is entirely dependent on my ability to stay with the prescribed dose each day. Just know that it is possible to get off them without going through a hellish withdrawal. splitimage |
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Desoxyn
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: 3rd rock from Sun
Posts: 2,717
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#662
Awesome news bizi and splits! 6 weeks, 6 months - I should have posted 2 days ago when it was 666 days (cue Gregorian chant music). Still smooth sailing lately as far as ny issues with urges or whatnot, though the job is still in peril.
__________________ | |Up and down |And in the end it's only round and round |Pink Floyd - Us and Them | |bipolar II, substance use disorder, ADD |lamictal, straterra | |
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Desoxyn
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Wanderer of Distant Stars
Member Since May 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA. Originally New York
Posts: 25,023
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#663
Doing really good. I haven't craved any alcohol or cigarettes (even though there is a fresh pack in my bag). I think it's more of a "out of sight, out of mind" thing at this point.
__________________ Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Path to Wellness and Love |
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bizi
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bizi, Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,009
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#664
Quote:
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,009
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#665
cocaine.....
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
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#666
If I have over 125 extra Xanax and I am prescribed 2 a day, then I don’t think I have a huge problem. I pray to God my doctor never decides to take me off it because it will be a disaster. I never had an issue when I was on Ativan for 8 years. I developed a dependency on Xanax a couple weeks after starting it.
I tried going one day without it and I had horrible anxiety along with diarrhea as well. It wasn’t good and I honestly don’t know how I can go off it completely if I have to. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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bizi, Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,009
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#667
It's been 3 days since I took any benzo. So I'm doing good. I just have to be careful.. cuz i need it for panic attacks..
I think I'd end up in the psych ward if I didn't have the occasional benzo to stop me from going insane by not being able to stand the panic attacks any longer.. |
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bizi
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,621
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#668
I'm annoyed and disappointed in myself and others.
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Bill3, Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
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#669
Had a small cocaine and xanax binge yesterday but today I will be sober..
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Moderator
Community Support Team Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,333
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#670
Desoxyn, do you know what triggered the binge?
splitimage |
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Desoxyn
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Account Suspended
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: Tainan, Taiwan
Posts: 221
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#671
bad day beer and weed with bf but refused cracking for first time
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Desoxyn
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,621
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#672
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Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,009
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#673
My mom drinking and the fact that she could die of heart arrhythmia. All the people partying and drinking and talking about how they snorted cocaine in the past. My mom being with a married man too.
Also the past and what my step dad did to my life the fact that my little sister is going to go to college or university soon and I failed even though I finished high school late because of being in and out of the hospital all the time I feel like everyone has given up on me and I wish I could start over again. Also I just crave intense hits of things like an impulsive thing.. cigarettes.. I just want to have a good life and I feel like I failed at everything and I'm a loser and no one likes me but they do I just have a hard time DOING THINGS like reading, watching movies.. I can't do normal things because of my cognition.. My psychedelics have arrived but I won't use them.. I ordered them because I had a really trippy dream and wanted to trip.. It's hard being a dark web drug addict.. Normal addicts just go to a dealer but I can just make a few clicks on the web and I instantly get any drug I want.. |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
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#674
I flushed my cocaine =]
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,009
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#675
Now I just need to solve the benzo problem. I will try to go two weeks without. That's when peak withdrawal happens. If I can survive that, I'm good. If I can't, I'll have to be medically tapered.
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: 3rd rock from Sun
Posts: 2,717
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#676
Hang in there, Desoxyn. One of the hardest things to do is remember that we can't always depend on others. Welcome their help when offered but try to be your own best advocate. We are always works in progress; keep pushing for the goal and try not to dwell on the perceived failure.
I love the little numerical sequences that give me a milestone, but I keep forgetting to check for them and post. yesterday was day 678. __________________ | |Up and down |And in the end it's only round and round |Pink Floyd - Us and Them | |bipolar II, substance use disorder, ADD |lamictal, straterra | |
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Desoxyn, greentires4me
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Moderator
Community Support Team Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,333
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#677
Desoxyn,
I'm sorry you feel like your life isn't go anywhere. If you manage to kick the drugs, that will indeed be a major accomplishment. Just be careful with the benzo withdrawal - you don't want to risk a seizure. Know that I'm cheering for you. Updownaround. Way to go on the fun numeric milestone. I'm hanging in despite having major stressors - I'm in the process of evicting my room mate. Hope you all have a good and sober Mon. splitimage |
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Desoxyn
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Desoxyn
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2013
Location: planet earth
Posts: 2,986
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#678
On this Sunday coming up it’s 1,400days also 3 years 10months clean and sober.
It’s hot or considerably muggy outside this week it got up to 23C/73F which felt like 27C/80F today. So my AC is going in my apartment and it’s not cold but just right. __________________ Love, Light and Happiness!!! |
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Moderator
Community Support Team Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,333
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#679
Way to go Greentires. 1,400 days is a great number.
i had my own small victory today. I went for my bone density test, required for all women who've turned 50, and had to give a medical history. They asked about alcohol abuse, and I said historically I abused alcohol but was now sober 6 months. They were really nice and congratulatory about it. But that being said, heavy drinking is a major risk factor for low bone density. Now to wait for the results. splitimage |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,009
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#680
I know I said that I don't count days but I think counting days sober would be good for me because it works for you guys..
No worries I don't think I've taken enough Xanax to get seizures.. just muscle tension sleepless nights and craving of more benzos. I slept 2 hours in the past 48 hours. I want to sleep so I took a double shot of rum, 0.5mg Xanax rescue dose (Which I should have been taking the whole time instead of like 2-3mg at once..), a 50mg Atenolol (Beta blocker to slow my heart to 70bpm), 100mg of Seroquel, two fish oil pills and a vitamin C. Slightly dangerous, maybe.. But I want to sleep. It's because the Vyvanse maybe hasn't worn off, I drank a coffee when I shouldn't have (I thought it wouldn't affect me) and I took a 2.5mg THC gummy in the evening. With the THC, when I want drift into sleep, I wake right back up. It happened like 10 times when I tried to sleep for two hours and failed. I'm applying for a job and keeping up with my therapist and will keep up with my addictions counsellor. I may have to tell him the truth and withdraw from benzos medically. I just feel so ashamed for buying Xanax when my doctor gives me Ativan whenever I need. I feel soooo ashamed and defeated. But one day I'll count my days sober. And I'll be really proud of myself. I'm really proud of you guys for going hundreds of days sober. I couldn't even imagine myself like that. I can in a spiritual way.. And the people that slipped up, please don't feel bad. I feel bad. The things are kicking in and I might try to sleep.. I feel a little sad.. Have a good night everyone.. |
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