Daily Check In #3

hi split,
am sorry you are having such a hard time right now.
What has helped you get thru a time like this?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hey there everyone.

I haven't had a drink in a really long time, but some days I feel like relapsing just a little bit. I won't though, I need to keep this in check.

Been sober for over 90 days so far.

thanks Bizi,

For me right now, the biggest thing is staying on the Antabuse, so I can't relapse. That forces me to use my tools, from CBT, DBT, Mindfulness, Distractions etc. to get through the rough emotional periods. I think if I went off it, I'd be toast.


splitimage

Great job LadyShadow!

Congratulations!

I haven't had a cigarette in 36 hours. But I was using a bit of nicotine spray. I did that 4 times since then.

I know that I'll never smoke cigarettes again though.

Day 5 of not smoking cigarettes. I barely use the nicotine spray at this point because it makes me tired.

I started smoking weed. It makes music sound better, makes me happy, uplifted, euphoric, relaxed and energetic but some strains make me feel unfocused, lazy, couch locked and tired.

I want to try smoking pot for insomnia.
bizi

I used to smoke medical marijuana and had a card for the dispensary out here then they closed I still can get medical grade just from an online source. I just choose to stop because I suffer from psychosis. But I would smoke it for insomnia reasons. I had my preferred strains but after it seemed they stop carrying them or growing season wasn’t constant I had to try other strains on the side to achieve the same effect.

One more day and I'll have 50 days. I'm grateful for recovery

Congratulations puzzclar!

My moms bipolar friend was talking about how she would take care of me and my sister while my mom was in hospital for breast cancer and was crying and laughing hysterically in intervals. I was wondering why she was in the washroom long beside my room so my mom called her and she left and forgot the line she prepared on the sink with the small bathroom mirror there because she was too drunk. She snorted the line of coke before she left cuz I could see small white flakes left behind. There's a lot of coke in this town. A LOT.

She left before anyone noticed and then me, my mom and my little sister were talking about how she's mentally ill but my mom said that she has responsibility at least a little bit. I mentioned that in order for this to stop happening, people should be educated on drugs and they should be decriminalized.

My mom said that it's natural selection and people will just die off because it's better to not have families deal with the addiction. That really pisses me off because shes basically saying that she would rather have me dead if I continued using. I am a VERY VERY lucky case that I'm still not using heavily like that. I threw my coke and meth away a few months ago. I should have told her that I'd rather she overdose on alcohol so I don't have to worry about her drinking problem anymore??

I was so messed up mentally from my step dads abuse and my mom neglecting me that I was snorting very potent opioids from capsules in the passenger seat while my step dad was driving in the dark. I would get him to pull over to a washroom or mcdonalds where I would snort bath salts.

I know what it's like. But I understand my mom not wanting to be friends with that woman anymore because that's just the way my mom is. If my mom survives breast cancer and doesn't get sudden death from her heart conditions, I'm going to educate her on the brainwashing society puts on drug users and I believe that my mom should support that woman in getting the help that she needs.

There's ways to use coke.. At parties but when you have an addiction like that, you need help and people should be around to support that.

I believe my mom has an excuse to not help her and has to put herself first because she has cancer..

I mean I'm on Vyvanse ffs. That's medicinal speed..

Edit: I talked with my sister and she says I'm just paranoid about my mom wanting me dead so it's ok =]

On another note; I can't stop smoking weed even though I feel better not high. I only like Pineapple Express strain but I'm on the waiting list to get it so all I have is LA Stata and Blue Dream. I don't like those strains. :/

Have you ever tried strawberry cheesecake or gorilla glue #4 or purple kush or black tuna strains? I have. the purple kush is the only one that’s not a hybrid.

My mom is twisted too she believes every addict should end up dead too and frowns upon it. But when I was drinking she enabled me all the way through she would be very abusive towards me by saying stuff that would make me drink the whole 2-6 of vodka in one day. I was an heavy alcoholic I drank for 18 years of my life I tried lots of drugs on the side in my late teens, early 20s. My dad was the enabler he would give me the money for the booze after awhile I would just lie to get money to drink. I drank secretly for years no one ever knew I was an alcoholic because I functioned so well. I came out one day to my boss when I was living in jasper and said I needed help she laughed at me. I was ready for rehab then but I was just 20 and I didnt stop until I was 30. So 10 years later. (I should mention I start sniffing inhalants when I was 9.)

I have an addictive personality so my addiction to alcohol is still there but I decided to put it on hold for now. Now I shop till I drop elsewhere.

No I haven't tried those strains. I smoked some LA Strada today and it made me dysphoric, grumpy, sad, down on myself, self blaming and I had negative thinking. I started raising my voice to my dad. When it wore off, I apologized and was able to talk freely again with a personality. So I'm not going to smoke weed anymore until I get the Pineapple Express strain. I'll try other strains too but not now. For now I'm just going to not smoke weed because my mind is cloudy and foggy.

I took 3g of phenibut because I needed to reset my brain. I wish I could just be sober but that's really hard..

I hit 10 months sober yesterday. Feeling happy about that.

splitimage

Wtg splitimage! Soon it will be 1 year.

@splitimage congratulations!
bizi

55 days!!

Celebrated my 60 days sober at AA last week and have a home group now. Feeling pretty good within myself, tbh. Glad to be reconnected to people and a spiritual program.

Yesterday I hit 1,500 days sober from alcohol.

I moderate this group on Facebook called drug addiction/mental illness support there is about 2k in members. I spend my time on social media accepting members and reading posts to post. I made a post the other night talking about all the series of pills I am taking just able to function day in and day out. Nothing I am abusing by the way. A few people piped up that I needed to stop all the array of medication I am on that it’s slowly killing me and that by doing this I wouldn’t have so many problems in life. I thought to myself I am not abusing the medication I take daily to function which is mostly meds for my mental health. I also have array of meds for medical issues as well. It’s like telling someone with type 1 diabetes to stop taking insulin because it’s killing them. It seems like even people on social media are ill informed.

greentires4me, congrats on the 1500 days. That's definitely a cool number.

Sorry you got flack on meds., I've found that, that's actually pretty common in some recovery circles. It seems to me most prevalent in NA, where every pill is bad, seems to be the thinking, but I've run into it a lot in AA too. That's why the only 12 step support group I go to is Double Recovery where everyone has mental health issues as well as addiction.

splitimage

I like SMART recovery groups I used to bus out to over the River it was like 2 buses and a sky train to get there and coming back it was one bus and sky train because I cab it to the sky train bus the bus didn’t run after a certain hour.

Those were the days though I don’t attend recovery groups now at the start of when I tried being sober and after my dad dying I wanted to remain sober I would do that.

16 days since my last cigarette! My lungs feel clear.

I put my 750mg CBD into 30x 25mg capsules. I bought 7g of CBD and will put it into 280x 25mg capsules so it will last like 6 months. I'll save 500 dollars because it's on sale instead of just buying bottles of 30x 25mg capsules because I bought my own capsules and have a mg weighing scale. It helps with muscle relaxation. I have to be stoned to put them into capsules or else I get bored. It's like a meditation thing.

I also bought pineapple express wax for my DMT pen.

I'm starting to crave cocaine after that lady did a line of coke in my bathroom...

:/ :/ :/ :\ ;\ ;\ ;/

I bought cocaine.

I want to be sober but sometimes I just want to let go.. I never party.. I have no friends.. I'm always thinking about my future.. I just want to have fun.... I'm depressed and want to be happy..