Daily Check In #3

Congratulations Zijax.

Nice! Just keeping stringing the days together.

Congrats on the 1 year sober!

You win a prize it’s a...Pepsi!

One day at a time.... And how many.... Day 4.

Help i think im going to od shortly.

Hoq can i gwt iy oiut of my syatem?

Call 911!

I’m going to my first AA meeting tonight. Bit nervous about that. I’m not sre how I feel about AA, the whole “higher power” thing is something I think I will struggle with as I don’t believe in God or anything like that.

Yay! Try to not be nervous. I've always found that everyone is always really nice. They will probably ask if anyone is at their first meeting... you can say your name or not. Totally up to you. They only ask to get to know you, not to call you out.

I had a lot of problems with the whole higher power thing. They really do mean it when they say you can use the group as a whole or even a doorknob or a tree as your higher power. It doesn't have to be some ethereal being you can't see or touch.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

My issues with AA went a little deeper than just the higher power; I think it is 100% up to me to beat it. But I have still been to meetings in the past and found it useful. Anything that gets you to face it and say "yes, this is a legit problem and I am not going to just get over it" helps.

Dammit. That's the second time this has happened in two months after a strong dose of antibiotics.

Sorry. False alarm

Well I’m back from AA. Honestly I don’t think I’ll go back. I don’t think it’s gonna be a good match for me. I’m not saying that to avoid stopping drinking as I know I need to, I just don’t think AA will be what helps me.

I do however start a different group tomorrow morning, and then I see my keyworker. So I will talk to him and say AA is a no no and see where we go from there. At least I gave it a shot.

I did SMART recovery for a little while. They have a "find a meeting" link on their home page:

https://www.smartrecovery.org/

You may or may not find one. I found 2 in Raleigh. By comparison, there are probably a dozen AA meetings; maybe more. Anyway, they take a different approach.

Mostly I just go about my life and don't drink or abuse drugs. I was primarily a closet drinker, so there really aren't many people to avoid. My problems track pretty closely with whether or not I was taking my meds for type II bipolar. I am not going to risk trying to become an "under control" drinker just because I am taking meds now. It's been kind of a chicken and egg thing over the years; mostly drinking after quitting meds, but sometimes quitting meds after drinking got out of control.

So I started my group today, it’s 5 sessions and is basically to prepare for detox. I was told today that I shouldn’t just stop drinking as it would be dangerous with the levels I’m drinking at. I didn’t realise it had got that bad. So yeah, I have to do the group, and then should start the detox process. In the meantime I’m meant to try and reduce the amount I’m drinking. So today is day one of trying to cut it down a bit. And yeah, it’s not easy, but thankfully my girlfriend is very supportive and she’s helping a lot so hopefully it won’t be too painful.

I also saw my keyworker, and spoke to him about my issues with AA. He wants me to try again next week, and even if I don’t share to try and talk to someone after the meeting and see if that helps at all. So I guess I’m gonna try, although it all depends on what shift I’m working, as there is only one a week where I live.

I looked into the SMART recovery and unfortunately there are no groups close to me. I live in the UK and the nearest one to me is in London which is about an hours train journey which I can’t afford to be doing regularly. So yeah, I guess I will try AA again and see if I can get past the whole higher power thing, or find a way to make it work for me.

whisperingskye, I'm not sure if your male or female. But if you're female you might want to check out Women for Sobriety. That's the program I use and it is very different from AA. To the best of my knowledge there are no UK groups, but they have a very active web site and host on-line meetings multiple times a week.

I'm doing ok. Still doing the acupuncture and it's been a bit of a miracle for me, as it has completely stopped my cravings, when nothing else I've tried has worked.


IOP continues to be good, and I like the councillor they've set me up with.

8 days until my 3 years sober from alcohol.

I went to one AA meeting a couple of years ago maybe 3or4. I sat and listened then they said that I had to talk so I said that I am an adult child of an alcoholic and was looking for a support group. They were very nice but I was pissed that they made me talk. and I don't like the religiousness of the group.
congrats on 3 years!
bizi

Count down is official it’s 3 Days left until 3 year’s alcohol free!!! Can you believe it I cannot!!

Awesome - counting down with you! My next milestone will be 400 days in 3 weeks, which means childofchaos should be coming up on 400 within the next few days.