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Community Support Team Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
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#21
Good for you for getting through the worst of the physical withdrawals.
I can relate to suddenly having all this time free that used to be spent on using. When I quit drinking at first, I had literally hours freed up every day. I wound up picking up some new hobbies, to help keep me occupied, and also as a distraction from wanting to drink. Hang in there. You can do this. splitimage |
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bpcyclist
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Jimi the rat
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 6,267
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#22
I probably should have a health care plan where I do the same crap every day, by discipline even if I don't want it. Like clean, take care of things and yea I need to walk more, our dog needs it and my "partner" needs to walk the dog less. I don't want any hobbies, I have a lot of things I am interested in but I don't wanna ruin them by trying when I don't feel any joy. I'll do other things instead. Maybe if I get in the habit of taking care of myself and my home, things will feel less out of hand.
I had a huge setback in my home improvement this winter because I let someone into my home that basically ruined it. My plan was to fix things up and now I'm back in the negatives, step wise. Maybe if I get that under control and up to date, it will feel better. I think that is better than trying to do anything fun. I need to contact my doc for sleep meds. If this would ever work. Last time I quit I actually came to the point I was feeling some joy without drugs. So it should come back. Even if it takes time. It's sad that my creative writing the last years has worked because of different substances. It feels bad to put that on hold but I have no other option. I know the first fun I will relate to is music. Will be happier when that comes back. So yea I need to put my home back together after the guest, and my life back together after years of using. That doesn't feel too bad in a way, at least it is some kind of project. And I got rid of my "friend" who kept nagging me to do things and said what is stopping me is just laziness (I have quite bad physical health to begin with and also ADD that makes it hard for me to start things), he kept lying to me that I had no problems and I should just up and do stuff. Least I know now, whatever I do, I fought for. It is not the only friend I got rid of, four in all. So a lot in my life is really different from just a while ago. Does feel good in a way. Life really became so different from what I had planned. In some ways I needed those people, but now I have to do without. Even before I feel better mentally, I'll try to nurture my relationship with my "partner", "sister", "soulmate", whatever you want to call her. I have been relying on her so heavily. I think I have to fake it for her, because that relationship is my most important one with a person. I just wonder why I even quit, I sort of did fine doped up, I never got like totally out of it, and I didn't actually use up such money as expected. In a way my life was better, I just came to the point where the drug became an enemy. That happens with opioids, they stop being your friend. I wish in a way I could back down time and handled them more responsively. I mean, I was happy on that stuff. Sad it can't be forever, I have a hard time accepting that. But my life will be easier, loads easier. A bit more money and no fear of the cops finding out what I'm doing. Being paranoid about the law is kind of a huge thing. Cuz yea, it is real. People get caught. So in a way I do know what way to go. It's just really weird to have your life and home destroyed by a "guest" and then decide to quit drugs on top of that. Well I actually started quitting before the stuff with guest. So I guess that is why. I'm also slowly losing my best friend, my kitty. He is so strong he beat the odds and should already be gone. Now that he fought so well, the day he passes I will be... surprised. Shocked. He is "just old", with worn out kidneys. Someone said I did well quitting. Like really meaning it being impressed. I came to think about that. What if it's true? What if this was a big deal and not just an everyday thing expected from me? What if I actually suffered and didn't just make it up? What if I actually did a big thing? IDK, that just made me happy to hear. I'm used to hearing nothing I do is good or enough. My "partner" has some kind of atypical depression so she is mostly negative, no fault of her own. She is resilient and reliable, in a way you wouldn't believe. But at the same time she really gets people down. She doesn't have introspective skills so she has no idea why things happen and what she can do about them. But I know I have to make her happy. Pay back for everything good she did to me. Maybe one day she can stop being hurtful to people, in the past I trained her similar to a dog LOL. And I got her then to get a more positive outlook and a friendlier way. But just one friend fighting another persons depression isn't easy, so I had to give up. Having additional problems seem to make me focus away from the no drugs thing, so in a way it is good. The thing I feel a bit bad about is the friends that are hours away. I really wanna see them but I'm not strong enough. Usually I don't make messes out of posts, but I'll just keep this like it is..... sorta straight look into my brain, LOL. __________________ |
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bizi, bpcyclist
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bizi
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Bizi is bizi
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
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#23
This is a terrific post!
This is hard work that you are doing. You are worthy of this effort! bizi __________________ 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, 4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon PRN Remeron 15mg at night, zyprexa10mg under tongue, requip2mg. |
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Jimi the rat
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 6,267
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#24
Doing stuff in the day... eh, that hasn't worked so far. OK, I do minor stuff which I have to do, otherwise I've just slept. Dang, that felt good. I can't wait to go back to bed.
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bizi, bpcyclist
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Jimi the rat
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 6,267
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#25
Worst of the physical crap is definitely over. Mentally it will take a while. In a way I wonder why I even did this, I mean I wanted control back.
But people have been so dang negative. I'm not talking random people online, but people who are close. I dunno why they were so hellbent on me failing, or saying I was a nicer on drugs. All kind of negative crap. I don't get it because these are generally good people, so I don't know where this attitude came from. It irks me that I don't even understand. I mean sure I had to take me-time because of this, but surely they must understand I'm not gonna be sick and self centered for good? __________________ |
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bizi
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Bizi is bizi
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
Posts: 10,902
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#26
Jimi, do what you have to do for yourself!
the rest will fall into place. Maybe you will see who your true friends are? sending strength to you today.... bizi __________________ 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, 4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon PRN Remeron 15mg at night, zyprexa10mg under tongue, requip2mg. |
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Jimi the rat
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 6,267
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#27
They are indeed good friends. But friends can't know everything about every subject on earth. They are not god.
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bizi
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Threadtastic Postaholic
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#28
Hey @jimi:
Quote:
DrugFacts: Kratom | National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Jimi the rat
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 6,267
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#29
Quote:
Doing drugs is much more unsafe than coming off them with a little help of kratom. It doesn't mean you stay on kratom for life. It helped me a lot in the taper process, and without it I would not been able to taper at all. Less quit. It has become quite a common way of quitting where I am at. If people manage to quit, I don't think that is a good time of lecturing them they quit in the "wrong way". __________________ |
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Threadtastic Postaholic
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#30
Excuse me but I was not lecturing anyone. I was sharing links to information. I’ll comment more later. As an alcoholic in recovery in chronic pain, I identify with your issues. I wasn’t passing judgement, I have no business judging people with addictions. We are all brothers and sisters
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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bizi
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Jimi the rat
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 6,267
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#31
Quote:
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bizi, sarahsweets
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sarahsweets
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#32
hey jimi! I saw this thread in todays posts and i now understand why you're not feeling well. I hope it gets better very soon for ya! Sending my best thoughts
__________________ Celexa (Citalopram) 20mg Levothyroxine .75mg Liothyronine 5MCG (2x daily) Probiotics And a whole slew of vitamin and herbal supplements. |
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bizi
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Jimi the rat
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 6,267
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#33
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giddykitty
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Jimi the rat
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 6,267
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#34
Growing back dopamine at a steep rate. A few weeks, and it's back online even it's not where it should be, still tired and really unmotivated but mood wise I'm basically fine. Dysphoria ended, stopped being a total grump. I think my friends like having their easy going smiling laughing friend back. I'll be danged.
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bpcyclist, giddykitty
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bpcyclist
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Community Support Team Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
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#35
Glad you're recovering, and feeling better.
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Legendary
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#36
Quote:
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Jimi the rat
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 6,267
15 |
#37
Quote:
OK that the physical withdrawals from buprenorphine hit me harder than those from Tramadol, "only" Tramadol withdrawals are bad enough. And since Tramadol affects more transmittor substances it is a more complex drug, so it is basically like coming off two things. This substance isn't anything toying around with. Where I live it's soon the number one drug to die from. Cheap and accessible. __________________ |
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Jimi the rat
Member Since Dec 2008
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 6,267
15 |
#38
Since I'm actually doing a lot better I'm here if anyone wants specific help on quitting so called mild opioids. When I quit, I actually had several "friends" who quit at the same time. One I think isn't fully clean but lies about it, one was struggling really hard and hadn't taken anything for ages but still never got OK, so he went back to using, but with a load more care, and two people got totally clean, one actually off oxy, which I feel is out of my league and a more hardcore drug. So seems my little gang had a decent success rate.
One thing that irks me is that a lot of web pages has on them it takes 1-3 weeks to quit and feel normal again. This is serious misinformation. But it's like how the web has become. Google likes to push pages that are very shallow, and if you need something deep, you need to use DDG or scroll through loads of pages. Daym I hate Google of today. __________________ |
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