Daily Check In #4

Desoxyn · Aug 25, 2021 at 04:26 PM

The ritalin craving went away

I feel like smoking weed but I won't

I took phenibut though to make me more social for a family gathering tonight

Desoxyn · Aug 27, 2021 at 07:58 PM

My cousin is coming to visit! Last time I saw him was when we were kids. He finished a psychology degree recently after being sober for 5+ whole years!

Before that, he smoked spice/k2 and ended up in the psych ward for a year with psychosis..

I could learn from him =] We might talk about things and I'll share it with you guys next week ^-;

Desoxyn · Sep 02, 2021 at 10:15 PM

He ended up going somewhere else instead of visiting.

Anyways, the drugs don't work.. And I think the only way to stop being dependent on drug use is to DO THINGS, WHILE feeling immense psychological pain/stress - Without any drug.

It is the only way for me. RN I'm learning about the middle east.. So learning is a good drug.. It's what I want to do but I always feel like I need something to relax or focus enough...

MuddyBoots · Sep 16, 2021 at 06:22 PM

Every September I want to go on a drinking binge. I've just noticed the pattern when I was tempted to stop at the liquor store and I realized it's been a year since I last had that urge. It's purely self destructive, I get absolutely nothing positive out of drinking and 10/10 times I end up cutting and crying. But for some reason that sounds tempting? I'm not going to. I'm on valium and loads of other meds and I'm pretty sure I'd die.
I don't know why September.

Desoxyn · Sep 18, 2021 at 04:09 PM

I'm throwing my weed away and never going to smoke it again. I'm too stoned. I don't feel anything. How could someone like this? Maybe for anxiety or pain.

I smoke it and then all of my mental pain goes away.. But I like the pain.. cuz I know that it will get me somewhere.. - But I'm too stoned to do anything (Yet I WANT to do things) and without it, I'm sober enough to do things (But DON'T WANT to do things).

It makes me not care about anything.. It's nice to feel like that sometimes I guess - So idk. Not all of the time though - And I can't seem to control it?

Or can I? idk.

shovelhead · Sep 20, 2021 at 01:13 AM

Paranoia comes creeping back into my brain. Alcohol used to ease that mess. I'm sober for years. I am so afraid alcohol caused me brain damage. But my memory is intact, which is a good sign. But I'm worried about my thinking processes, etc.

Desoxyn · Sep 25, 2021 at 02:04 PM

Much happier now. I only use phenibut, caffeine and nicotine.

Bill3 · Sep 25, 2021 at 07:44 PM

Desoxyn · Oct 04, 2021 at 05:25 PM

It's been 2 weeks since I smoked weed

Desoxyn · Oct 05, 2021 at 03:11 PM

Craving weed..

Bill3 · Oct 07, 2021 at 11:34 AM

Hang in there Desoxyn!

MuddyBoots · Oct 31, 2021 at 04:20 PM

I'm in a ****ton of pain and of course my first thought was painkillers. Gotta brush up on those pain management skills I guess. Maybe go back to SMARTRecovery.

xIxAmxSadx · Nov 19, 2021 at 01:07 PM

Hanging in there but on a thin thread. My willpower is slowly fading and I can feel it. I remain strong and sober but I feel weak. Getting transferred to a new therapist soon so hoping I can open up more about my addiction struggles with her.

Desoxyn · Nov 26, 2021 at 06:39 PM

Trying not to smoke weed.

I feel so good right now. Why do I want to ruin it? Why do I want to ruin this??

Why?

LiteraryLark · Nov 26, 2021 at 08:11 PM

One day and three hours since I quit cigarettes. Today has had its moments. Tore through the car looking for cigarettes, finding myself bored and wishing I had smokes...I was paying $360 a month on cigarettes so as someone looking to live on my own thats a crap load of money I'll be saving...but I've been smoking for over ten years and the longest I've quit is five months...sigh...

Desoxyn · Nov 27, 2021 at 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

One day and three hours since I quit cigarettes. Today has had its moments. Tore through the car looking for cigarettes, finding myself bored and wishing I had smokes...I was paying $360 a month on cigarettes so as someone looking to live on my own thats a crap load of money I'll be saving...but I've been smoking for over ten years and the longest I've quit is five months...sigh...

Read the book "How to Stop Smoking Without Willpower" by Alan Carr. It's an easy to read book. After I read it, my last cigarette was on August 6th of 2019.

Desoxyn · Dec 09, 2021 at 06:18 PM

Drugs can be funny but also can lead to death at any moment. Just like life.

But I'm 25 now... I think my time for drugs are dwindling.

But I live in my own way, controlled, careful and better decision making. Harm reduction, etc. That's the way it is going - The only that it CAN go, with the rolling tides and waves of energy, washing the cosmos of inevitable pain, death, suffering in a cycle of the divine love to heal the current damage of the world.

Desoxyn · Dec 09, 2021 at 06:27 PM

It's hard to not drink a cider because it ruins my mental health. I don't know why I still want to.

splitimage · Dec 11, 2021 at 10:00 AM

Hang in there Dexsoxyn, you know drinking affects you negatively.

splitimage

MuddyBoots · Jan 25, 2022 at 03:50 PM

10 months clean & sober today and I feel like using. I've been depressed pretty much since they put me on haldol almost 3 months ago and I'm dealing with some hellish side effects I have a feeling some oxy might help with but I'm on valium and last time I mixed opioids and benzos I almost died so and I'm not willing to stop the valium just to get high. Well, I am, but again I won't.

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Daily Check In #4

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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,016 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,923 hugs given	Aug 25, 2021 at 04:26 PM #1 The ritalin craving went away I feel like smoking weed but I won't I took phenibut though to make me more social for a family gathering tonight
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,016 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,923 hugs given	Aug 27, 2021 at 07:58 PM #2 My cousin is coming to visit! Last time I saw him was when we were kids. He finished a psychology degree recently after being sober for 5+ whole years! Before that, he smoked spice/k2 and ended up in the psych ward for a year with psychosis.. I could learn from him =] We might talk about things and I'll share it with you guys next week ^-;
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shovelhead Elder Member Since Jul 2017 Location: USA Posts: 5,376 (SuperPoster!) 6 189 hugs given	Sep 20, 2021 at 01:13 AM #6 Paranoia comes creeping back into my brain. Alcohol used to ease that mess. I'm sober for years. I am so afraid alcohol caused me brain damage. But my memory is intact, which is a good sign. But I'm worried about my thinking processes, etc.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,016 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,923 hugs given	Sep 25, 2021 at 02:04 PM #7 Much happier now. I only use phenibut, caffeine and nicotine.
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,926 15 24.1k hugs given	Sep 25, 2021 at 07:44 PM #8
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,016 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,923 hugs given	Oct 04, 2021 at 05:25 PM #9 It's been 2 weeks since I smoked weed
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,016 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,923 hugs given	Oct 05, 2021 at 03:11 PM #10 Craving weed..
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,926 15 24.1k hugs given	Oct 07, 2021 at 11:34 AM #11 Hang in there Desoxyn!
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,573 (SuperPoster!) 3 5,125 hugs given	Oct 31, 2021 at 04:20 PM #12 I'm in a ****ton of pain and of course my first thought was painkillers. Gotta brush up on those pain management skills I guess. Maybe go back to SMARTRecovery. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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xIxAmxSadx Member Member Since Oct 2012 Location: in my head Posts: 73 11 25 hugs given	Nov 19, 2021 at 01:07 PM #13 Hanging in there but on a thin thread. My willpower is slowly fading and I can feel it. I remain strong and sober but I feel weak. Getting transferred to a new therapist soon so hoping I can open up more about my addiction struggles with her. __________________
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,016 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,923 hugs given	Nov 26, 2021 at 06:39 PM #14 Trying not to smoke weed. I feel so good right now. Why do I want to ruin it? Why do I want to ruin this?? Why?
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,016 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,923 hugs given	Dec 09, 2021 at 06:27 PM #18 It's hard to not drink a cider because it ruins my mental health. I don't know why I still want to.
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splitimage Moderator Community Support Team Member Since Mar 2006 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 11,339 18 76 hugs given	Dec 11, 2021 at 10:00 AM #19 Hang in there Dexsoxyn, you know drinking affects you negatively. splitimage __________________ "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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